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Original poster

Anything your parents have let slip now you are an adult that you were oblivious to as a child?

316 replies

twentypence · 06/09/2008 10:39

My dad said on the phone "oh, there's that mountain we climbed on the telly. You remember when I took you and your brother away for a holiday and mum stayed at home."

I didn't catch all of what mum said - but it was something to the effect that she wasn't best pleased to be reminded of the time they split up.

I had no idea - I just thought dad got more leave.

OP posts:
Deeeja · 07/04/2009 00:30

Sadly no. My mother refuses to speak to me, or to see my children. I never felt she loved me really. She spent most of my childhood depressed, and very angry. I suppose she never got over losing her daughter, very sad really.

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 07/04/2009 00:31

very sad, but especially for you...

NormaJeanBaker · 07/04/2009 00:32

My mum was a man.

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 07/04/2009 00:34

really? how?

Claire2009 · 07/04/2009 00:35

Haven't read all yet.

But. That my Dad sexually abused my half Brother & best friend. & that I was sexually abused as a kid, around age 5/6 by my half brother.

I've obviously blocked that out but when I kicked off over best friend telling me about my dad I found out everything.

NormaJeanBaker · 07/04/2009 00:41

Not really. I'm being a twat.

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 07/04/2009 00:45

oh

NormaJeanBaker · 07/04/2009 00:49

I'll get my coat.

Claire2009 · 07/04/2009 01:14

That my Mum had an affair with the Driving Instructor.

That my Mum had 8 m/c's before falling preg with my Sister. (sis and me have a 16mth age gap)

That my Mum wanted to divorce my Dad but sadly she died before being able to do so and the guilt she felt for leaving us children behind with him.

That my Dad was in Prison till I was 2 (not for previous post - sexual assault but for buglary & something else which I don't know)

Phoenix4725 · 07/04/2009 07:12

when was older found out my brother is my half brother my mum had him before she met my dad and that they did not get married till I was 6 weeks old.but they did go on to have a happy marriage for 33 years till my dad died

on the other side my mum has a older half brother and sister shes never met

and im sure theres few more skeltons in the closet

ilove · 07/04/2009 09:22

Wow at all these stories!

gagamama · 07/04/2009 10:09

I found out about a year ago that I had a cousin who drowned aged 7 while on an outing with my grandma. He was the only grandchild at the time. His parents threw out his belongings and nobody in the family mentioned him again for fear of causing my already broken-hearted grandma any further heartache. Very sad story in so many ways. I had very mixed emotions about it when I found out.

JimmyMcNulty · 07/04/2009 10:50

Mum told me aged about 16 that the reason there was such a big gap between her and dad getting married (when she was 20) and them having my sister and me (when she was 34 and 36) was that dad spent much of that time in a mental institution being treated for his schizophrenia. It had never occurred to me to ask before! Me and my sister knew dad could be 'odd' when we were little and I was told about his illness when I was about 10 as I was arguing with him so much and telling him he was 'nuts'.

They are still together; Mum is 71 and Dad is 80.

Nontoxic · 07/04/2009 10:51

When I was nine, I came home from school and asked where our cat and her kitten were.

Can't remember my mum's exact words but as I understood it she'd sent them to be put down.

When I asked why she got all defensive and said it was because my dad was out of work and we had no money.

I brought it up during a jovial family conversation recently when my cousin revealed her father (my mum's brother) had killed her terrapin in front of her because her sister's had died and 'it wouldn't be fair if you still had yours'.

When I mentioned the cat and kitten thing my mum said, 'oh no, they went off to a cat's home' and didn't address the fact that I'd always thought they were dead.

Still don't know whether she was rewriting history or telling the truth - but find it telling that she didn't attempt to comfort me or explain it when I was a child, nor did she thirty six years later.

thefortbuilder · 07/04/2009 12:45

found out that dh was apparently an unborn guest at his parents wedding - mil and pil are suspiciously evasive about their wedding date - don't do anniversaries etc. told to us by one of dh's aunts

ihavenewsockson · 07/04/2009 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

twoluvlykids · 07/04/2009 13:12

This thread is all so moving.

There are more skeletons in my cupboard than I would feel comfortable even looking at, let alone airing.

But one, not too bad in comparison with the others - a few weeks ago, my brother let slip that what I'd remembered as a weekend stay with my scary grandparents (OK, only GF was scary), was not actually a weekend, but for the full 6 weeks of the school holidays.

I was 4, brothers were 5 and 6.

We were over 150 miles away from our parents.

This was so that Mum could have a summer job, or maybe just a break?

Or maybe (most likely) she was very unhappy about going along with it.

OrmIrian · 07/04/2009 13:15

Dad had an affair (or so mum strongly suspects). I found out when I as in my 20s when mum was feeling a bit down and ranting on about dad. I stuck up for him mildly and it all came out. Really shocked me.

Haylo · 07/04/2009 14:51

My MIL was raised by her gran because her Mum left her abusive husband (who then drank himself to death), she went on to re marry and have two more girls, but left MIL with gran , she now has real issues with being accepted as you can imagine. Only two years ago her real father's family approached her brother (her uncle really) and said someone in the family had left money for her in his will, they still thought of her after 60 years, the Uncle told them to p*ss off she needed nothing from them now or then - FIL was angry her family made the decision for her, it was not about the money . She also found a half brother from one of her father's affairs a few years ago.

My mum found out she was pregnant with me the week before her wedding - a few of the older relatives put two and two together when l was born 7 months after the wedding !

My Dad was always told his father died in Canada when he was 6 months old (he had split from my gran because of his cheating), when she died it came out in letters he found that his Dad has actually died when he was six years old and had had another partner and maybe some more children

Haylo · 07/04/2009 14:53

And another, Dad's cousin accidentally killed her baby brother when 4 years old trying to carry him down the stairs , everyone in the family knows but she does not.

ClapClapClap · 07/04/2009 14:56

My mum found newspaper cuttings in her attic when she was around 9 (I think) detailing her Dad's marriage to her Mum and her own birth and babyhood. A bit more reading and rummaging later, she discovered that her Dad had been married with a daughter both of whom had been murdered. He was the prime suspect for a while and was in jail but eventually the real killer was found and convicted (death penalty no less!)

It's always really affected my mum and her relationship with her parents.

auburn63 · 07/04/2009 15:15

(Have changed my nickname for anonymity, just fot this post)

I found out when I was fourteen that my father is not my real father (we'd moved house and I was unpacking a box of stuff when I came across a baby book about me, where it said "Daddy's name" there was a name I did not know).

I never told my parents that I knew, did not want to upset them when it was clear they had gone to great lengths to hide this from me. I did however, as an adult, get my adoption records from Social Services to see if they matched the name I saw in the book (It turns out I was adopted at three by my mother and my "father"), and they did.

As a teenager I felt quite angry about being deceived, but never told anyone. As an adult (I am now in my 40s) I take a softer view, I suppose. I have told both my husbands, and a psychotherapist I saw when I was getting divorced a few years ago, but never anyone else. I don't think I ever will.

Springfleurs · 07/04/2009 15:21

My parents never, got babysitters for us, we were always left alone. When my sister was two she woke up and got out of the house somehow, I was asleep. She wandered the streets then just happened upon the pub they were in. My Mum blamed me (age 7) for letting this happen.

SalBySea · 07/04/2009 15:32

my uncle has a daughter from a casualish relationship he was in before he was married. The relationship ended before the baby was born and I dont think he's ever seen her. (my mum and her sister visited the mother of the girl in hospital when the baby was born to offer support of the family even though her brother didnt really want anything to do with it. The mum said that she wanted to do it alone)

His children from his marraige dont know they have an older sister out there somewhere

My friend's mum is a massive slapper! I cant believe I never "clicked" - who goes for coffee or walks with friends at 10/11 O'Clock at night? - in my defense, her family havent clicked either. (My mum told me about all the men she's had affairs with INCLUDING the priest who married her daughter and son in law )

CountessDracula · 07/04/2009 15:35

That I have a half brother
I only found out about 2 years ago
Even though I lived with him (and my father and his mother) for a while I didn't suss