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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Having my breast reduction in a few days - h got angry with me

93 replies

mymittens · 31/08/2008 11:02

Last night i was getting stresses about arrnagements for my op and i admit i was being very difficult. H tried to make up a couple of time and then went of to the spare room to bed. He knows i have sleepless nights when things aren't resoved that evenign so i went in to the room after 30 mins or so and got upset about him going - and a huge row started. don't even know if i can have mu op now as he'll be looking after me

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 31/08/2008 14:21

Message withdrawn

Original poster
mymittens · 31/08/2008 14:23

yes, already out

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Original poster
mymittens · 31/08/2008 14:29

i hate how h shouts in front of ds and uses him to punish me

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 31/08/2008 14:30

Message withdrawn

Earlybird · 31/08/2008 14:46

Does it really matter if he takes ds out to swim or out to play? The point is, he's doing something with your ds as promised. You'd be rightly furious if dh changed his mind about doing something with your ds after he promised. But based on what you've posted, it doesn't sound as if your ds minds whether its a swim or a play - it sounds as if you mind. Why did you feel a need to complain about it?

Sounds as if the poor man can't do anything right. He tries to make up after an argument, and you reject him. He makes you lunch, and you don't eat it. He takes your ds out and you complain about it. Give him a break!

Original poster
mymittens · 31/08/2008 15:01

he did changed his mind after saying he'd do something. I told ds he was taking him to soft play then because i annoyed him by talking about swimming, h shouted "you look after him, I'm not taking him anymore"

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Original poster
mymittens · 31/08/2008 15:03

i was only after his outburst about the car seat when i wanted to go out, that he then agreed to take him aout again

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Original poster
mymittens · 31/08/2008 15:04

icod - is it me or him you think is being abusive?

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Original poster
mymittens · 31/08/2008 15:15

It was h not i who said he was taking ds to soft play and he who then refused

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Original poster
mymittens · 31/08/2008 15:28

anyone there?

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QuintessentialShadow · 31/08/2008 15:36

If HE was taking him out, why could you not let him chose where to take him? Did you have to bang on about the original plan of swimming? Then go stroppy and ask him to move car seats so YOU could take him swimming? Are you a bit controlling? Are you playing the poor martyr woman who needs help with everything, and sulks? Why do you only have one child seat if you have two cars and you are unable to lift it over?

Original poster
mymittens · 31/08/2008 15:47

I just wanted to know if he's be back for swimming. We only have one car seat because under normal circumstances it's easy for h to move it from one to another. it's in his car at the weekend and mine in the week. Seemed a waste of money to buy 2. I've now told him i don't waat him visiting me in hospital and i'm going to cancel the arrnagements we have for ds to be looked after on the day of the op. We had someone looking after him so h could be at the hospital with me. I can't stand the thought of him being there now

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Original poster
mymittens · 31/08/2008 16:13

h is downstairs still playing with ds. This is so far from the weekend i'd hoped for before my operation :-(

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glasgowgal · 31/08/2008 16:24

You do sound a little bit as if this is all about you, which, to a certain extent, I would understand. However, reading through everything it seems as if you maybe keep nipping him about little things all the time. He had made lunch, taken your son out so you could have some time, now is playing with him. Everytime you go near him you say something critical. Why not ask him if he is worried? He could be very concerned at you going under the knife.

Original poster
mymittens · 31/08/2008 16:26

I asked him first thing this morning if he was scared about it. His only response was he was a bit worried about all the things he'd have to do while i recover

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glasgowgal · 31/08/2008 16:28

Can you get anyone else to help out a little? He may be more of a shouty person than you would like but he does sound form your posts as if he is doing a good job. Hope you can work it out.

QuintessentialShadow · 31/08/2008 16:31

The operation seems to have taken over your life. He is not going to his brothers wedding, he is there during the op, he is ready to support you, I honestly dont see what more you can ask of him. You seem to be a little self centered and needy. I understand you are concerened about the op, but I think you may be driving him and yourself slightly up the wall with your moods and anxiety.

Original poster
mymittens · 31/08/2008 16:32

unfortunately no one else around to help out. He just came in to ask if i wanted a drink, and i told him again how awful it was to shout and refuse to take ds out. he thinks it was justified because of me asking about swimming

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Original poster
mymittens · 31/08/2008 16:33

qs - we did go to to the wedding as i changed the date of the op so we could go

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Dominion · 31/08/2008 16:33

You do harp on a bit, dont you?

Beaches · 31/08/2008 16:33

Exuse my blutness...
You need to spend more time on your relationship and son then running up to tap out every incident on your computer...
You are parents he prob resents you being on here when things need sorting out. Go and make a lovely meal for them to come back too, find a family movie to watch together, do not engage in yet more fighting just leave it till little one is asleep, then if he is ready, discuss and resolve. Be proactive.

Too harsh??

Dominion · 31/08/2008 16:37

Well said Beaches.

Beaches · 31/08/2008 16:38

Thank you.

Original poster
mymittens · 31/08/2008 16:38

should i forgive his shouting then?

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scaredoflove · 31/08/2008 16:40

You sound so desperate to be right, can't you just let some of it go? Stop dragging it up, you had words now move on, he isn't going to suddenly say you're right, he's wrong

No ones made me lunch or a drink in years!

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