Married men, do they leave their wife for their mistress?

[BrazenHussy]

The old expression 'He'll never leave his wife for you' is what people tend to say to the mistress and there are, i dare say, many
mistresses putting their life on hold, waiting for their married men to leave their wives - either as he has promised to do or just because they think he will eventually when the kids grow up/move out etc

Reading through the relationship section on here, this doesn't appear to be the case - many do leave.

So, do these men suddenly just become new men and remain faithful to their new partners (mistress) or does a leopard never change his spots?

Is anyone prepared to share this on here?

TBGP makes a good point.

DP left his wife for me. They had no kids and their marriage was never going to bring contentment for either of them, and everyone who knows them agrees on that. They split relatively amicably in spite of everything, and we've been together 6 years and now have one child. At the moment I am confident he is being faithful. Give me a crystal ball and I'll tell you how it all pans out.

Shoshe I am that he had the audacity to say that to you. Although i shouldn't be, by the sounds of things. Well done for being where you are now

for all those lone Parents who think they will never meet somebody, who will love and cherish them, i have two exH, first one knocked the hell out of me, second one was DD father.

i thought I would be eternally on my own, then DH walked into my life, 10 years younger, no children (I had a 18 year old and a year old DGD, I had custody of), he took the lot on, and twelve years later, we are as happy as the day we met.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

i can second that shoshe.

Met the love of my life through exh, he was fast living mr single, took on my 2 kids and ex from hell who almost had him kneecapped.

here we are, happily married with 3 more to our brood, and ttc no. 6

definately light at the end of the tunnel.

shoshe, liahgen, lovely stories. so glad that ye have found happiness after the pain.

My mum's brother had an affair that lasted most of his married life. He had 4 dc with dw and another with mistress. Probably went on for 30+ yrs.

Then dw left him and mistress thought she was in there, but he just went to live on his own.

Sad really, she had wasted the best part of her life waiting for him.

I have also read a book that says that rarely does the relationship work between man & mistress, once he has left the marriage. Probably just 10% end up in long term relationships.

It is just the secrecy and excitement of the affair me thinks!!

My friend's exP left his wife and 2 kids for her after 1 year affair - lived together for 1 year then he decides he wants to be single after all. Basically a man child who didn't want responsibility but wanted fun - hence affair with 20 something woman with her own flat and independence - doesn't look so fun when hot 20 something is nagging you to do housework and trying to negotiate the kids etc.
Not that I exonerate her - out of order to the extreme but she was in love...

my father left my mother for one of his women

Shoshe - OMG and i bet he had a 'reason' why everyone of those relationships didn't work out (rather than the fact that he was a serial adulter)
So pleased you have what you do now

waterwitch - that's a good point but people always presume that the mistress actually wants her man full time. I don't think that is actually the case for many.

tilly - I hadn't thought of that

stirlingmum - some mistresses don't want anything more than the affair gives them

What about the other way round? ie a woman and her 'other man'?

My Dad has spent his life cheating on one woman with another, left my lovely mum for OW, stayed with her for a few years, then just kept doing the same again and again. For 40 years!

At one point, when still married to my Mum, he was having affairs with 2 other women, both of whom worked at the same school as both him AND my mum!

What a freak! (though would have loved to have been a fly on the wall in the staff room)

I don't know MuthaHubbard - i think a woman may be less likely to leave her husband for a fling especially if she wasn't desperately unhappy. I think woman have more insight then men as to what would happen when things went wrong.

If they had children then most would probably stay for security - I could be wrong and would be interested in what others think

The old quote from James Goldsmith ?When a man marries his mistress it creates a job opportunity.? is true most of the time IMHO.

My hub left, got mistress preg and married her all within a year of leaving me. The marriage lasted 6 months. He doesnt see his daughter that he had with her. They might leave bit they dont change

I know someone who had a long-term mistress.
His wife died suddenly quite young and he dumped his mistress and went off with someone else

Or what about the men who have a series of mistresses, each one younger than the last, all convinced they will be the one that makes him leave his wife, and the wife turns a blind eye. Some people are weird!

yellowvan - yes the wife turning a blind eye is almost unbelievable. Could you imagine wanting to keep your husband so badly that you would put up with that?
How low must their self esteem be?

My husband left his ex partner (they'd been together nearly 10 years and lived together, although not married) for me. We weren't sleeping together but had been having a kind of 'emotional' affair for several months.

many leave because they are found out! I don't think many people leave of their own accord. They want to have their cake and eat it!

MrsMattie - Do you think it somehow makes an affair any more excusable because it was 'only emotional'? I am in no way being judgey, i was just wondering

Um, yes and no. It didn't make it any less hurtful to his ex-partner. He fell in love with me and was lying through his teeth to her for a good long while in order to be with me at every possible opportunity. We developed a very intense, emotional relationship all the time they were still together. It was deceitful and hurtful, there's no escaping that.

I just think if we'd have had a sexual relationship too it would have added insult to injury, iyswim.

I'm not saying it was OK because there was no sex, but I think if we'd have been shagging it would have been even worse - even more hurtful for her, even more bastardly on DH's account and even more morally corrupt on mine!

Surely it is the emotional betrayal that hurts
Shagging = small part of it IMO

I don't think there's a science to it!@CD

At the time, I didn't want to sleep with (my now) DH because it didn't feel right and he felt too guilty to take it to that next step. I'm not taking any kind of moral stance on it. We had an affair. he was in a relationship. I knew it. No excuses. Just thought the sex might complicate matters further.

Don't men tell their mistress that they are going to tell their wives just as soon as:
Her father is out of hospital/She has gone back to work/The child has started sleeping through the night/Her work colleague has got past her cancer scare/After Christmas/After Easter/After the family holiday which has been booked for years etc?