Please validate my thoughts.

[MrsSnowball]

Hello. Namechange for obvious reasons. If you guess who i am, please keep it under your hat.

DH and i went to the local for a few drinks. we were both getting pleasantly inhebriated, and he said " i have just cheated on you, i was walking back from the toilet and a woman grabbed me and made me dance with her, then she kissed me right there" he pointed to his neck.

He pointed to the woman who was also v. inhebriated. As the night went on DH became increasingly flirty with this woman. He even paid for a game of pool where she and he played together.

She asked me if DH was my boyfriend. I told her that he had nothing to do with me and left, with no money walking home v. drunk alone.

DH came in after 3am. a full 3 hours later.

What messages of scorn have you dear Mumsnetters ( for dh obviously)

Doesn't sound like the full story imo. Can't imagine it playing out this way in RL.

If actions speak louder than words then doing nothing whilst your husband flirts with another woman all evening say....what?

im a bit surprised really that you can see it as a 'bit of flirting', rhonds.
if shed been happy about it, it would have been obvious. she shouldnt have to say 'please dont blatantly act like you couldnt give a shit about me and my feelings in front of a packed pub'.

Agreed but for some reason she obviously does. I think that there must be more to it than this. Maintain that if you are at the receiving end of any type of behaviour you are unhappy with you should speak up and let you feelings be known. It is obvious that he shouldn't behave like that in the cold (hopefully sober) light of a Sunday morning but not necessarily in a pub or when pissed.

i have to say, i would probably have reacted the same way tbh.

pmsl dittany
come on

Thanks. I can see its a split decision.

Can i reiterate that i wasn't sat on my own for a number of hours the whole thing hapened in a short amount of time. I have previously stated that we were having a great time. Also as i have already said, i left via another door, i didn't want him to follow or for us to argue in public. Yes i agree, as i have said previously i should have taken a cab rather than walk home.

We haven't spoken yet. At all. He is unaware of what he has done apparently. Therefore i think he is assuming i will 'come round' after i am less angry.

hmph.

it'd be dumpsville for him if he were mine. ohg id do giving hima chance to explain... but i doubt theres anything he could say after behaving like that to make it ok. 'i didnt know you were upset?' errr, so youre insensitive and thick too are you? 'i was drunk and dint know what i was doing?' grow the fuck up you knob. 'it was her, she was all over me' dont take me for a fucking fool!!

Nope husband was to blame but again if you're unhappy say so, it can stop all manner of shit in it's tracks

do you always walk away in a strop if someone does something that you don't like- or do you try to calmly explain how you feel?

he shouldve noticed she was unhappy, rhonds. thats the point. if he gave a toss, he wouldve done. and respected that and apologised right away.

I don't think the other woman should be labelled a slapper. She asked if he was attached after all, and was told no.

All the preamble was really only drunken flirting, which while unwise probably isn't a big betrayal in itself. It sounds to me like the husband thought it quite a joke really and expected his wife to joke along and haul him back in in a good-natured way. I think he might have been quite perplexed at the reaction he got.

But the bottom line is what he did or didn't do in the intervening 3 hours. Until that can be established the extent of this 'transgression' can't be evaluated.

Without that it's just a case of a husband and wife behaving unwisely under the influence of drink - put it down to experience.

happypills- I think what we are all overlooking is that these two were pissed- reasonable behaviour doesn't go hand in hand with being pissed.Nuff said.

As he didn't she should have told him. It would have been somethng of nothing if she had said that another bird kissing him made her angry or uncomfortable.
I know he should have known that what he was doing was inappropriate but he had been drinking and might have thought from her reaction that she wasn't bothered. Everyone accepts different behaviour from their Dp's as is proven by some of the launch him out/kill him comments here
If she had clearly said that she was upset, uncomfortable or pissed off and his behaviour continued then I would have a different opinion.

can't help wonder what would have happened had the boot been on the other foot, and SHE had been kissed?

If it had happened to me, I think my DH would have been flattered that someone had made a pass at me, he would have taken it in good humour, he might have said jokingly " Never seen her in my life before*, then he would have paid me more attention, given that another man was on the prowl.
I agree with anorka nad what is missing from here is a sense of humour, and a sense of perspective.

The going missing for 3 hours is another matter and should be broached separately.

Let's hope there was a lock-in at the pub and dh was too pissed to gather his thoughts enough to realise how much he had upset his wife. That makes him a drunken idiot rather than an unfaithful arse - much easier to forgive.

hey, i had my head down the toilet on friday night from drinking so much wine at my aunts birthday party ( i dont egt out much any more!), and i know v well that drinking and sensible behaviour are not exactly compatible... but id never do something hurtful, spiteful or nasty to someoen, let alone the one i love. not in a million years. even with tequila and aftershock shots in me, and they have been known to make me act v badly indeed

Is there a concept of empathy?

oh i know what you mean re the sense of humour thing... i am assuming that the OP hadnt seen the funny side and if he loves her he ought to have noticed that.
i think if it were me, id have laughed it off too, right at the beginning, but hed have known not to push it if i didnt like it... its all in the nuances, isnt it? which we cant tell from here i spose.

and i also assume that she doesnt walk out of places without saying often... if she does then, well, i dont suppose id follow her either after a while, bit tiresome that. but if she doesnt, then he ought to have had a little concern about her whereabouts i would think.

the 3 hours is the real clincher for me too, obv. id expect him to go to a clinic and be given written confirmation he didnt bring anything hom no matter what he said tbh.