Please validate my thoughts.

[MrsSnowball]

Hello. Namechange for obvious reasons. If you guess who i am, please keep it under your hat.

DH and i went to the local for a few drinks. we were both getting pleasantly inhebriated, and he said " i have just cheated on you, i was walking back from the toilet and a woman grabbed me and made me dance with her, then she kissed me right there" he pointed to his neck.

He pointed to the woman who was also v. inhebriated. As the night went on DH became increasingly flirty with this woman. He even paid for a game of pool where she and he played together.

She asked me if DH was my boyfriend. I told her that he had nothing to do with me and left, with no money walking home v. drunk alone.

DH came in after 3am. a full 3 hours later.

What messages of scorn have you dear Mumsnetters ( for dh obviously)

Do i really have to point out that kind of behaviour isn't on? I Don't think so.

We were having a lovely time until this - it wasn't something that developed all evening.

You are right. i should have called a cab. walking home was very stupid of me.

No CW i am not that kind of person. I am just not the type of person to have a row in public or stand up JV stylee announcing that he has my husband. It wasn't the womans fault. It was his. He was making a fool of me. I left.

If the same situation had happened to me I would have reacted to DH and said that he shouldnt have encouraged it and shall we go somewhere else?

He was expecting a reaction from you. Am at your reaction tbh.

i doubt she cared overly much about your dignity. she didn't know either you or your DH. Her asking was he your boyfriend seems like she was looking for a reason to carry on with what she was doing or otherwise. The fact you said he had nothing to do with you would have made her think you were just some random woman he had been trying to pick up before she decided to make a play for him and given her the green light to carry on.

and I can't see what's undignified or "leave my man alone" about saying he is your husband. She asked the question; it's not like you were preparing to have a cat fight with her over him.

I think his "can't remember" is probably a very lame excuse as well.....silly man.

In my book there is a big difference between staking your claim and starting a scene.

I think you both need to grow up. He is your H and you should have said so, and neither of you should drink so much. You were also being silly walking home alone, drunk. You could have been assaulted.
A flirty peck in a pub is not exactly cheating is it?
Personally I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill-possibly to validate your own daft reaction.

"You behaved impeccably as far as I can see and I'm a bit hmm about all the hmms you've got from people. Why on earth should you have to claw your DH back from some slapper by 'staking your claim'?"

Answering a straight forward question - is he your boyfriend with "I don't know him..." is impeccable behaviour? {hmm}

Hardly having to claw him back from a slapper ffs!!!!

What a state to get into about a tiny peck in a pub from a drunk woman.

the woman asked if he was her boyfriend NDTH. I hardly think a simple, no, my husband is akin to "clawing him back", and I don't think anyone is condoning his behaviour so you are being a little bit "all guns blazing" towards other posters.

and leaving to preserve one's dignity only works if the two parties you are saving your dignity from either know that's what you are doing, or care.

NDTH had she simply said, "yeah he's my husband" at least he and the OW would have been fully aware of the facts. As I said it's his responsibility but her's as well if something is happening that she is unhappy with...I don't believe that the outcome wouold have been the same if the poster had spoken upm to either her Dh or the OW

im with notdoing and girlnextdoor; he was an utter arse.

if any man ever behaved in such a disrespectful manner towards me in public, id bloody well get up and leave too. and for damn sure i wouldnt sit there like some pathetic lemon saying 'hes my husband' coz the underlying meaning is; 'and look how he treats me? i must be thick/unlovable to put up with this shit, eh?'

at least, thats what id feel.

I'm sure you feel angry and betrayed but you should have just said "He is my husband" when asked, and stayed with him.

balls to that.
i expect any partner of mine to willingly and happily show he is with me all of his own accord, ta v much.
i dont expect to have to guard him like hes some child who needs his mummy about to keep him under control - how horribly tedious.

she could've tackled her DH about it at the time rather than sitting watching and then leaving without saying anything to him.

if she had said "stop being an arse or I'm off home" then fine but to say nothing and then just leave...well that to me is handing him over on a plate, and as it sounds like his rational side had long disappeared under the influence of the booze, then expecting him to do the honourable thing when he had already established his arse credentials was asking a bit much.

I'm not sure we have the full story though and as the OP has disappeared back to her normal persona I doubt we'll get it.

You left without saying anything when you could have just said 'he's my husband' and then left. Somewhat passive aggressive. Did you hope he would follow you? Is that what you are really pissed off about?

I think that there are worse situations to deal with than a bit of flirting and it certainly wouldn't be grounds for my husband being "out the door". I accept that everyone's relationships are different but if the poster had a problem with her husband's flirtatious behaviour then she should have said so....not watched as a bystander.
Sometimes we have to help to shape outcomes and not just watch where the dice fall
Just mho.

if he didnt want to cheat, in front of her and a busy pub, a pretty humiliating thing to do lets face it, then a few drinks or an entire brewery wouldnt be enough to make him imo.

if hed leant over to me and said that about the kiss, id have been so gobsmacked i may well have said nothing too.

what kind of a shit has so little regard for his wife as to let her walk out and home and not check on her at all, coming home at 3am? not one id want to live with. sorry mrsS. and for you.

its not the flirting that i would be about tbh, its the fact that he came home at 3am when the pubs closed at 12.30

my way of shaping outcomes for myself is to choose a man who is less of a twunt to live with.

I would have bloody well killed him, he humiliated you, with his childish beghaviour,and if he cant control himself when drunk with you there, then god knows what he does when you're not.

As for 3 o'clock, if that was my dp, I would have been in a cell this morning because he would have been a dead man by now.

He is a complete twat!

Seems a bit harsh all we have to go on is that whilst drunk he flirted with another woman whilst his wife passively watched on.
Not ideal behaviour in my book but I do think she should have said she was annoyed about it rather than showing her disaproval after a number of hours by silently absenting herself.
He shouldn't have acted that way but then neither should she