EEk! I just had the sex/masturbation talk with DD (7)

[VictorianSqualor]

Please tell me I did ok!!

Basically DS(3) asked what tampons were for, I explained, DD already knew about periods but after hearing me and DS asked where the blood comes from.

I said your vagina, the hole near your bottom where the baby comes out etc. Cool all fine.
She then asked what the lumpy bit was at the top, yes I panicked, sad I think you mena you clitoris but can't be sure, and sent her up to bed.

Went up to tuck her in and asked if there was anything she wanted to ask me, she spreads her legs, points at her clitoris and asks me, 'This bit mum, what is this?'
I felt so embarrassed, thing is I don't feel at all embarrassed with DS and his bits, is this a problem of mine because I had 'issues' surrounding my vagina when I was a child? or is it normal for a mum to feel really uncomfortable t see her daughters vulva?
Anyway the convo went
DD: what is this?
Me: your clitoris
DD:what is it for?
Me: not quite sure, have you ever touched it?
DD:yes
Me:how did it feel?
DD:nice
Me:Well, not totally sure but I thin it might be to do with having sex, with men and women we have to have sex more than animals to get pg, so I'm assuming it feels nice because we have to do it a lot.
I then explained conception, how it can take a lot of sex to make a baby etc, and left her with no more questions.

What I want to know, did I say the right thing? and is it normal it feel really weird about seeing your DD's vulva or am I projecting?

Thanks.

That was excellent! Not sure why you said you weren't sure what the clitoris was for though...she's gonna get confused if she thinks you don't know what you are talking about...but well done for being honest about sex feeling good!

OH GOD

Naturally most of you have taken it all wrong, I did keep the details a bit sparing, but was trying not to make anything worse, or get even more judged in the wrong way.
Yes I have 2 kids not that it matters, I say my comments because I have studied worked and know as friends, far too many people who have been sexually abused in Australia and overseas, men and women.

So this is how i see the OP.

It is a very graphic conversation, as in imagine you were a peodophile and you read this It would really work you up, you then might log on and see pictures of kids and even some contact numbers. I'm really sorry But knowing the people that are out there, small risk as it is I wouldn't want the wrong person reading this and checking out my kids if it was in any way possibile to find me, again not meaning to offend anyone, and it's stupid to have to censor ourselves, but this is written in a broad topic area.

I really think it's good to talk to your kids definately make them aware and don't cover up gloss/over these conversations, you did very well VS, teach them that they are their body parts, and private, etc.

One of the signs of sexual abuse is asking too many questions, too much awareness of sexuality _NOT that I think That at all here, BUT if we all knew more and taught kids and lowered risks perhaps 1 in 7 kids wouldn't be abused.
sorry i am post hijacking in a way, just getting a message out.
OK I am on my own tangent, but again, not trying to insult

JUST WANTED TO ADD
IF a pedophile is lurking -Go and GET HELP NOW.

AND ALSO IT IS ONE IN 3 GIRLS AND ONE IN FOUR BOYS THAT IS ABUSED IN THE UK

for more info here www.survivorsswindon.com/stats.htm

Uki, I didn't want to say it on this thread, as it's not anything to do with the OP, but I was abused as a child and if I'd have known the sort of things DD knows know I would have been a lot more likely to have told someone.

I don't really care if a paedophile wants to jack off over a conversation I had with my DD tbh.

Also kat, I really don't know what the clitoris is for!

Uki, whilst you mean well, I think you're unnecessarily scaring people on here. Not about the abuse, because sadly it does happen, but by saying this will lead to increased activity (if I understand you correctly). I almost didn't type this, because don't even want to think about the possibility, but... if a paedofile was going to look at pictures of our kids, they would do that anyway, and frankly I think there are more accessable places. Breaks my heart to type this, but I think unless we lock our children up, never display any pictures of them publicly etc etc, no-one can guarantee the absense of horrible, horrible thoughts. It is also worth remembering that in a very high percentage of cases, the p is actually known by the family.

VS asked whether she handled it correctly, ensuring her dd is not confused, and in the process helped lots of other people (myself definitely!) with how to deal with it. I'd rather ensure my children know what is right, wrong, how and why etc, and by her posting here it makes my life easier. I cannot see how that is worse than the horrible, horrible risk that some sick person reads this.

I agree completely Sal.

A most unnecessary post by Uki

I agree with Sal, good post

yes -they would look and yes there are phone numbers -Honestly I don't think it is bad to be scared- It might stop it happening, and if it does that's good, prevention is better than someone's life being ruined.

VS i'm really sorry it happened to you, same here-that's why i'm so paranoid!!!

Call it unnecessary if you will hughjarsss, i'm sure you would not say it if it happened to you and you read the link, my opinion is just as vailid as yours, 2 in 7 kids, awareness would stop this

excellent post Sal, I also agree. As someone with a curious 7 yr old DD, I personally found this thread very useful. Whilst we have yet to have a specific conversation about sex and our bodies, it is not far off. These types of posts help prepare and mentally "organise" my own thoughts a little so that when the time comes perhaps I will avoid making the same hash of it that my own mum did.
TY for sharing your original OP and starting this thread VS

BTW - most sexual abuse happens on children aged 7-10 about 28% of all abuse in UK, So not a bad time to get more aware of it and include it in your conversation.

It spounds to me like VS did great, and I agree that being open with children and teaching them to respect themselves and their bodies is the best way to protect them and give them a good foundation for a happy sex life when they grow up.

Just to clarify on the "abuse" issue though, I do think that Uki's statistics are misleading though.

These figures are widely quoted, but I had to do some research into this for a work project a few years ago, and the surveys on which these figures are based include some definitions of abuse which aren't perhaps what people assume. Cases which involve physical touching, or prolongued physical abuse are not what constitute the majority of thess "1-in-4" or "1-in-3" figures.

People surveyed were actually asked a long list of questions about their experiences under 18 like "have you ever been flashed at?", "has an adult ever made an inappropriate sexual comment in front of you?", or "have you ever been exposed to pornographic pictures?" and lots of other things that -while disturbing- don't constitute most people's worst imaginings of what the situation might be for the children of Britain. A "yes" to any of these questions would be included as abuse for the purposes of the survey, and made the picture look pretty grim.

Of course child sexual abuse is a real and serious issue, but it takes place largely in the family or immediate circle of acquaintances, and only rarely are strangers involved. I think vigilance is good, but that alarming ourselves unnecessarily isn't really helpful.

And what about the 30 -50% of abuse that's not reported -of the 7 people I know, none of them ever reported it, and their predators are people who live in the community with no charges, and no mark or record of them interfering with children.

I believe the rate of unreported instances was controlled for in the study Uki. I am sorry to hear about your experiences though, I don't mean to sound dismissive, just that statistics can sometimes obscure amost as much as they reveal.

I think Uki that your post is misplaced here.

I don't know if paedos trawl this site- certainly my son's friend was "groomed by one" and he fell into THEIR trap- which involved setting up a meeting and notifying the police- so shrewd kids can make it work in their favour!

I know personally of one other person who was abused. Whilst it is a terrible thing, I do think that people who have been abused tend to let it colour their lives forever- understandably perhaps- but it sometimes means they lose their perspective. In that sense, it makes me feel the abuser has "won" as it makes them fearful and possibly over-react, to everything.

I don't think anyone who posts here should feel they have to censor their words for danger of paedos reading. There must be easier ways for them to get a thrill.

TBH, I'd prefer it a thread about my daughter and I discussing her body wasn't turned onto a thread about abuse.

Understood VS, hope I didn't piss you off. FWIW, I think you sound like you have a great relationship with your daughter, I wish my mum had been more like you!

Not at all, I'm probably just being precious.

Girlnextdoor-understandable's right.

There's no harm by raising awareness, I'll be using a conversation like this to talk to my dc's about their parts being their's to touch and no one elses to touch.

but if i said that at the start I would of been called paranoid too, can't win.

OK I'm off, peace

Uki, I don't think you're necessarily paranoid, just possibly reading too much into what could happen with this information. I don't state my phone numbers or address, or DD's school etc on here so wouldn't be traceable.
I think that making sure we aren't traceable is more important than not having this kind of discussion.