EEk! I just had the sex/masturbation talk with DD (7)

[VictorianSqualor]

Please tell me I did ok!!

Basically DS(3) asked what tampons were for, I explained, DD already knew about periods but after hearing me and DS asked where the blood comes from.

I said your vagina, the hole near your bottom where the baby comes out etc. Cool all fine.
She then asked what the lumpy bit was at the top, yes I panicked, sad I think you mena you clitoris but can't be sure, and sent her up to bed.

Went up to tuck her in and asked if there was anything she wanted to ask me, she spreads her legs, points at her clitoris and asks me, 'This bit mum, what is this?'
I felt so embarrassed, thing is I don't feel at all embarrassed with DS and his bits, is this a problem of mine because I had 'issues' surrounding my vagina when I was a child? or is it normal for a mum to feel really uncomfortable t see her daughters vulva?
Anyway the convo went
DD: what is this?
Me: your clitoris
DD:what is it for?
Me: not quite sure, have you ever touched it?
DD:yes
Me:how did it feel?
DD:nice
Me:Well, not totally sure but I thin it might be to do with having sex, with men and women we have to have sex more than animals to get pg, so I'm assuming it feels nice because we have to do it a lot.
I then explained conception, how it can take a lot of sex to make a baby etc, and left her with no more questions.

What I want to know, did I say the right thing? and is it normal it feel really weird about seeing your DD's vulva or am I projecting?

Thanks.

Lol, chops.

DD has never really been interested in the sex part, she was more interested in how the cervix gets it out

How does a 3 yr old boy come across tampons?
Mine are hidden in my bathrooom/bedroom.
I can't remember if they ever asked about things like that - i think they once questioned me over panty liners or something - but at that age I think I would have just said "hey are something mummy needs." and that was that!

Just to say that I don't think anyone should feel compelled to answer more than they feel comfortable with. Children ask all kinds of questions but they are often satisfied with very few facts.

They don't differentiate between asking about sex and asking how cabbages are grown! If you don't feel they are old enough to take it all on board, then you can just say "Oh let's talk about that later, let's do xyz now", or give a very brief answer.

I know there is a trend to be honest and up-front with kids, but believe me ( my work involves kids) they go through a very curious stage early on (often too young to really understand the mechanics or the implications) then forget all about it until they are nearing puberty, when their own inhibition s kick-in and they instinctively know what the boundaries are, in terms of what they should ask. They have by that time also picked up things form TV and adult conversation.

I don't hide my tampons. They are in the bathroom, because if I need one that's where I'd be.

VS- okay- mine were hidden because I did not want to have to give tmi at a young age- I know not all will agree.

Well done VS! It's always tricky when these questions arise but you did absolutely the right thing (are you still on the wine though?!).

My DD's 5 and knows in simple terms how babies are made, periods, etc - I wouldn't want her to find out from TV and adult conversation. That's how I found out and was always really confused about it - I would have loved to have been able to ask someone.

I take the approach that if she asks then I answer in an age appropriate way and it is easy as she's young and so isn't embarrassed, so neither am I. I certainly don't think these things should be hidden from kids as it implies they're associated with shame, etc. Everyone has a different way of tackling these things, but I want my child(ren) to find out these things from me rather than get half truths in the playground.

I'm 37wks pg at the moment so obviously questions have come up a lot in the last few months!

I really HATE to say this, but these posts would be a pedophile's dream.....it's a scary world we live in when information can be easily accessed IYKWIM

I for one wish, i didn't know so much about this side of life, and try and prevent and raise awareness if i can

What exactly could a paedophile do with these posts though?
I understand you want to raise awareness but of what?

What a load of nonsense Uki

what do you mean uki? I don't understand about not knowing about this side of life..?

I THINK UKi means that by giving kids the names of their body bits you are encouraging them to talk to strangers about it? can't think of nay other meaning- or else she means that a paedophile would find these conversations a way into grooming a child who is curious.

BTW- why do people with no kids (UKI) use MN?

If these conversations would help a child be 'groomed' then I'd imagine it's better that we do have threads like this.

That way people can discuss how best to talk to their DC's about this and the children will find out from their parents and not elsewhere.
I, for one, am glad the first person that told my DD about sex etc was me rather than a child in the playground or another adult.

She has obviously been thinking about it for a while because she started asking me how you can not have babies if you have sex earlier so I think I've opened the floodgates.

I told my DD about periods a few months ago, in detail. She knew vague facts about them before.
Afterwards she gave me a pitying look, rubbed my hand and said, very condecendingly, "I don't think that could be right. I'll ask Grandma".

I agree VS

The more open we are with our children the better.

the more open we are about sex, and the better we respond to our children's questions when they are ready to ask them, the less mystery and secrecy there is.

paedophiles don't just sexually abuse the child, they use their lack of awareness of what is acceptable and appropriate as a way of controlling them.

knowledge is power.

i for one wish i had been able to openly discuss these issues with my parents.

Are all these teenagers who aren't told anything before puberty and then "instinctively know what the boundaries are, in terms of what they should ask" the same teenagers who still believe that "you can't get pregnant your first time" or "you can't get pregnant if you do it standing up"?

port and lemon- please don't insult my intelligence! That is NOT what I meant at all and I am sure it is obvious. I have 2 very well adjusted children both doing masters degrees at very good universities.
Sex education begins at school at a young age these days, if you are not aware of that. I do not think that it is a substitute for parental input, but the point I was making- which you have missed- is that when kids get to pre-puberty or puberty- around 9-10, they are aware of boundaries - maybe your DCs aren't that age yet? it is also the age when they no longer want you to see them in the bath, or on the loo.

Unless they live in a bubble, they will be aware of references to sex- I was NOT saying this was a substitute for sex education at home. I was saying that children of 3-4 years old ask all kinds of questions but they only need enough information to satisfy their curiosity at that age- they do not need more than they (or you) can cope with.

Sorry, I was being snarky and shouldn't have quoted your post as you always come across as very sensible. I think I was probbly just skimming the thread too much.

I agree entirely wth you that they only need enough information to satisfy their curiosity.

port- no probs!

Hi VS

I'm impressed! Taking mental notes now

Um, Uki has two children I believe. She was on my post natal thread for one. I think she is in Australia so that might be why she is not responding. Also anyone is entitled to use the boards with or without children so that comment is perhaps a bit unnecessary.

I don't really understand her comment either but I am guessing there is some history there .

uki's profile says he is 32 and has no kids.

I take the point that anyone can join, but sometimes you really do need to have experienced something in order to make a comment- not everything, I agree, but it does help at times.

i have been thinking about this thread today. I have decided that I won't tell dd6 the name clitoris if she ever finds it. I am not a prude, and I coped perfectly well as a kid not knowing the specifics of my undercarriage, until I was a bit older.

There is a glitch with the MN profile programme. If you read on it mentions a ds and that she is pregnant (though she has now has this baby too).

I agree that people who do not have children have very different ideas sometimes, but I think I still might have found MN an amusing place to be pre kids .

Your profile lists your children (or "has no children" based on whether you've filled in their details on your MN registration -- i.e. it's not a free-text field. If you haven't actively listed your children on your registration then it defaults to "does not have children".

pirate what is this clitoris thing you talk of?