For Kally

[girlnextdoor]

Have you met the man yet and been to visit- keep us updated?

Well at least he knows how you feel- well done for airing your feelings!

I had to smile when he said he was knackered from doing housework lol. Unless the house was like a tip, how much could he have to do to an empty house, inhabited by elderly parents?
Maybe he should try being a housewife and doing that every day, lol!

I just think it is bad that he is letting you down- you had date arranged and he has cancelled, because he is tired after cleaning his Mum's house? errrrr....wouldn't go down well with me, I'm afraid!

I hope you can get your lift sorted out and get to see him at his place soon.

I guess the house was very dusty as they have been away over a year and the place was closed up.
Don't forget he's a single parent so does all the housework, washing, ironing, shopping for him and his DS. I know that he is particular as well (more than me).
But yes I do feel he let me down, and thing is I anticipated this body swerve.
Even after my call and 'airing' I still feel bad about this whole thing. There's always something quite logical and yet it puts me on the back burner. I don't feel like even talking to him at all anymore. Sure he's going to tell me what I want to hear. But bottom line is... he didn't come here, and I didn't go there...
I am not going to call him anymore. Me thinks it's time for a deep mental assessment.

I'd give it at least one meeting at his place so you can see what is going on...then see what happens next- but if he stalls on you going there, i'd call it quits as it would look like too much of a coincidence- do you think?

girlnextdoorI already feel like that, I feel totally deflated.Even tho he said he was sorry I felt as I did, he was also a bit 'overpowering' me as I tried to explain the reasons why I felt it important about me going there. He wasn't aggressive or anything, just the way he didn't really heed to what I was saying properly, I felt like I was meemawwing... and that is not fair on his part.
Anyway, I will have to cool off on this one, and as a friend said 'if you feel its not satisfactory and you have given it 100%, then kick it to the curb. There will be less hurt in the longrun if you do it now'.

I keep seeing this little equation (man not there = man doesn't want to be there).. can't rememeber where I saw it... but it was written by a guy.

Oh Kally- I feel sorry for you- you seemed to really like this guy- maybe put your feelings on ice for a while and just see what happens next?

I'd still go to see him- just out of curiosity!

Chin up- we are here if you want to talk.

New to this one.
I hope it works out.
Probably not relevant, but years ago when young and single I met a bloke who was always evasive about inviting me back to his place (and it was less than 10 minutes walk away from mine)I wondered if there was a wife and kids tucked away, as we were both over 30....and after 6 months I bought a house and he moved in with me and I still never ever saw his place. Basically it was a dive of a bedsit and he was ashamed of it and thought I would dump him if I saw it cos I lived in a nice pricey flat....
Anyway, we've been married for 13 years now.

I would take him at face value. I would think it unlikely that there is another woman up there, what with the churchiness and all. Perhaps he wouldn't like to be seen by his fellow churchgoers shacked up with a lady he is not married to, and his place is too small for any other assumptions to be made?

Whatever, I hope you find a social life and settle a bit more.

i get the sense that this isn't the first time he's put you off about something important?

i think you don't have anything to loose by trying to make an appointment to go to his. there is still a chance he's genuine, and from most of your posts i've got the impression that thee is something worth fighting for in your relationship?

Maybe I am over reacting, but I am overly lenient, sometimes too much for my own good. I just feel this is all he is wanting to put in it, that is all. Maybe I am wrong but right now I am hurt and I know if he calls me I'll hear him, he'll be sweet again and I'll be back to square one. I feel like disconnecting for a while and feeling how it feels to be without it bothering me. It is bothering me and that's not positive. Just put it on ice for a while.
Alfreda I also thought maybe the churchy bit may have something to do with it, but its a whole year. I know his house is nice as I have seen it on webcam. I would like to think the scabby apartment is the reason, but no. it's not that. No wife etc either, am sure of that.
The only thing left is that he wants it that way, less hassle, keeping it at this level where he has complete control really. ANyway, for now... it's on ice. Thanks guys.

You know what I'd do Kally?

I'd be completely spontaneous, fork out the £30 and give him a surprise.
It's the only thing that's really going to give you peace of mind.

BTW I was in an LDR with a guy in LA. I'm in London. Got rid of the dd's, booked a ticket and headed over. Never been to LA in my life, got to his mum's house and he greeted me like you'd never believe! Sadly it's over now, cos I ballsed it all up but it was precious at the time. I'd say pack up your bag, and your dd and 'surprise him'. That's the only way you'll ever know

My sister is paying for me to go up to Manchester tomorrow. We've got a new baby in the family and it'll be a nice break for me and DD.
Mr.McD called and I told him of my plans and he said 'great, so perhaps you can come to me on the way up, or on the way back' (train passes thru his town). Happy me! So that is what we will do. He said he'd take the day off and we'd spend it, all of us, together He was genuinely happy. What a relief. If he only knew the thin ice I had been walking on throughout this whole period. He has no idea. Thanks MMN's, I vented and sorted without causing any real damage.
Will post how the meet at his went!

Great!! Have a lovely time and DO tell us when you are back!!!!!

any news Kally?Hope it all went ok.

kally - are you back and what happened- we are all in suspense!

Hi Kally, have just come across this thread -you answered a post of mine recently about long distance relationships and were so helpful but I had no idea what you were going through!

How have things turned out? Reading what you've said here mirrors my feelings almost exactly, oh those dreadful highs and lows! Am feeling horribly insecure about my man right now and not seeing him until next weekend but he's gone very quiet on me and am scared he's going to cancel. I've been initiating contact most of the time and am trying very hard right now to stop texting/calling as it's only for reassurenace.

Anyway, yes, we're all in suspense, do tell!

Tell us kally!

arghghgh - i'm due to give birth on monday. it could happen any time now. but FIRST I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!!!

Kally, news please!

Still at sisters and haven't been there yet. Will be there next week on way back south. Meantime there are plenty of calls and communications and he's looking forward to our visit.
Good luck with baby warthog and mocca... yes we do have a lot of similarities.. hang in there and just let go a bit. If he says its ok, then take it as that. Otherwise he'd just finish it no? Will post soon with news about visit.

thanks for letting us know- thought you were seeing him a few days back!

oh good. as you were. all sounds very positive

am staying with sis longer than I anticipated and may not call into his on the way back. His Mum has arrived from US (their first meet in over a year during which Dad passed away so I'm sure it'll be emotional time for him) so he;s pretty occupied with her, no biggie and I prefer to give him the space so maybe will, maybe won't call in there on the way back. Will see how the land lies and how much time i have left.

do you feel you've gone off him now? i agree that it might not be the best time with his mum around, but you have the opportunity, just to get the sense of things.

I agree- it looks on the surface that the 2 of you are making his mum an excuse for not meeting- first he had to clean her house, now you are avoiding him

I know his father died and they will be catching up, but they might appreciate having another person around. Life has to go on, despite his Dad's death.

What's up?

Naaaa, didn't call in. I've not gone off him, noooo... he's too lovely for that, but the feeling of control over myself is quite nice. I didn't call him at all whilst away and he called me all the time. He can't come over this weekend as his town has a big festival and he tried to get the weekend off but the McD's where he is working are 'all hands on deck' (fair enough).
Having been away and got out of that 'loop' thing was quite liberating. It was nice to not be thinking about him/the situation all the time and made things go back into proportion.
No doubt I will go there, (especially since purchasing a rail card)(wonderful reductions!) but will let him come here first and see how I really feel for him. I really feel less centered on this, but I do still feel strongly for him, it's just been put on the back burner in the way of urgency.

I don't think it would be a good idea to go there with his Mum and all, having never met her etc. I'm just not up to that, and don't forget I would have to take DD with me, (she doesn't have to be a part of that sort of situation). There's time now, am in no rush.

ok. go with your instincts