For Kally

[girlnextdoor]

Have you met the man yet and been to visit- keep us updated?

The problem with not knowing anything (or very little)about an area of your partners life is that your imagination can go into overdrive and you can imagine all sorts- it's normal human nature. That is almost as bad as there being an actual secret. It is very possible that everything he says is true and his life is hectic at the moment but you are entitled to be a part of his life in his own surroundings and he owes that to you.

If he has been spinning you a yarn, do you think he will confess if you ask him? I don't. I think that if he has been as clever as this all along, he will just reassure you- and the topic will be dropped, with him continuing to put you off going to see him and offering you all kinds of reasons why.

It is not just the job situation that you need to know about- it is the rest of his life.
He could "come clean" about MDs if that is really the case, but until you see his place his life is a mystery.

TBH, I find it really very, very odd that you haven't been curious enough to push to see his place in a year- or that he hasn't invited you.

My immediate instinct would be that he is hiding something- even if that turned out to be completely untrue. That would be without the job incident.

I hope he is genuine, but I don't have a good feeling over this at all.

I was more curious to begin with, but moved home, then because it became a regular thing, he would just call and say 'I'm on the train'.. sort of thing. Yes it is word, but this year has flown by one way and another, and I was also keeping him at arms length for a good while and it didn't bother me at all. Then when my feelings got deeper, it began to raise it's head again. Then the IT to McD's.. it started to roller coast on me. It was only when I started on about that business on here that the question mark arose again. I suppose that is quite egocentric of me, leaving it like that, almost lazy.

I will definately go tho.

You MUST go, and on a regular (if not frequent) basis in future if everything's ok.

you sound so lovely and so eager to accommodate him. i think if he doesn't let you visit the week after next, then an unpromted visit is called for.

Warthog I am very fond of him, and wanting to accomodate is part of that I guess. But tell you what, if I find out he has been deceiving me, I will be gutted royally.

Just spoke to my friend about it, (the friend that has met him) and she said as he's such a genuinely nice guy, give him the benefit of the doubt this time and when you see him on Teus - without going into all the corners you've been in lately about this - lay down the law about going there.

I've got myself so worked up over this really, I will nail him elegantly.

Someone said 'surprise visit'.... I don't even know where he lives!!! (I know the McD's joint though, google mapped it)(and DS school) sicko sicko... shouldn't be doing stuff like that really...pathetic creature...LOL ... Could just turn up for a burger. Most expensive burger I would ever eat...

so he's pretty safe then... no surprise visits. i think you have to get to the bottom of this, one way or another.

not even an address? No Christmas or birthday cards sent?

You could www.192.com him- that gives you access t the electoral roll- you only get very brief details but you can pay for a full search- it would give you an address and if there is anyone else living there who is over 18- though they would have to be registered.

Girlnextdoor Really? How do you do that? I have his home phone nr... I would do that.. I will try now. Just put in his name? Mmmm lets see.

go to the website www.192.com enter his name and his town and it should come up with his name and anyone else if they are there- you then have to pay for "credits" to get full details such as his address - not sure how much but around £12 I think.....

I am so worried for you, I'd do it myself for you lol.

the suspense is killing me. although exactly what we expect to find out when we don't know his address in the first place, i don't know...

192 will give you his address if you know the name of the town. But you do have to pay extra for that i think.

I just had a look and got his address. OK. but it didn't give his phone number, which I already have anyway... I was scared to register just incase they notify 'someone looked you up' type of thing. It is by the McD's he works at so it is him, he told me he has a few minutes walk to work. Surely he would know that I could do that if I wanted no. Why do I feel so guilty when prying? it literally makes me feel sick. (I would freak if anyone did that to me)...

p.s. It will give you the names of any other occupants. (free)

I once was asked out to dinner by a man ( supposedly platonically- but I knew he was not really thinking along those lines!) and he said his wife was often away (oh yes)- I looked him up on 192 and no-one else lived at his address- think he did not have a wife and for whatever reason he thought I'd be more likely to see him if he said he had!

is he the only person registered at his address?

you can now do a google earth sat search if you have that facility- or multi map it and see where exactly he lives- google earth will let you see the type of street in detail!

we will make a detective out of you yet

well, now you can visit him. although i'd be very tempted to ask him for his address. he'd have to have a very good reason not to give it to you. if he argued you could say 'what's the big deal - we've been going out for 1.5 years!'

gnd, i like your style!

warthog

I did the google earth search. Saw that street.. he he he. He is the only person listed at that address. (Or it didn't mention anything about anyone else). But in all honesty I don't think he's married. He said his ex calls by (she picks up DS too don't forget). Once he said that she was there and 'cutting some cheese for his little boy' (LOL). They don't have an 'at war' situation. He was on msn at that time. So I don't feel any weird thing there. He also said once that she bought him round a few things that his DS likes (to eat, I guess little spoils)... he's not hiding about her existing.

Mr.McD's called an hour ago to say he is working on Teus...
After a long chat about everything else and how is Mum is due over, how he cleaned the whole weekend and didn't work (due to cleaning) he has to make up and will work today evening and tomorrow till 8pm... (so I said) 'so you won't be coming to me then', and he responded that he won't be able to, that he had thought of getting the train with DS and even coming today, but he has to rest, he is knackered. Fair enough.
Having said that demons got in my head and I said to myself... he's body swerved me going there again. There wasn't a mention of my going there. So I waited and thought and decided to call him on it.
I put it straight to him. Just as I have said here.
His response was quite put out and sorry and said he has no problem what so ever with me going there as to which I said, it doesn't appear that way.. everytime so far, you have body swerved me on this visit. He said it was not intentional and I am welcome anytime I want. He said 'Just let me know when you are on the train and I will pick you up from the station'. He added that there is no issue here what so ever and he is really sorry for making me feel that way. I said calmly that it ws upsetting the flow of our relationship and I was feeling a lot of insecurities about it and he said there was really no need. I feel better about it, but had I not made that call I think I would have gone and burned my bridges without him even knowing. I was really fading emotionally with this whole issue.
It obviously won't work out this week... as he is working. Ugh.... I wish I had a car... I'd just get in it now with DS and go there. (And I don't have the train fare together yet anyway), Such a disadvantage being poor and not having the independance of a car... Just thought I'd let you know.

with my DD - sorry

ok - so at least he knows it's a problem you haven't seen his place. now the crunch is whether he will put you off the next time you're due to go. he knows that it's important.

SHould he dare?! That would be the end of it for me.
I have an old work friend who now has a new job at a town that is a 15 minute train ride from McD's town. He drives up daily.
I still have contact with this old co worker and my intentions are to ask him if one day me and DD can get a lift up with him then get the train from coworkers work place/town to Mr. McD's. I know he would gladly do that and perhaps we could even get a lift back with him. I sent a text to old co worker and he will call today. That will be my suggestion and solution to get to him. No more Mr. Niceguy!!! What a pickle to get myself into.