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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

sex - how much is too little?

35 replies

Allyco · 11/02/2005 21:18

okay so here goes. DD is five months old now and only done it once. We had to get out of kingsize bed and go on floor so she could sleep in our bed. I'm not too bothered but think DH is.

Have only really just thought about how long it's been. Does everyone else do it all the time or is there anyone out there like me (please say there is)

OP posts:
beansprout · 11/02/2005 21:21

I'm with you on this one Allyco. I like to go on a lot about it being nature's way of making you focus on the baby - would that wash with dh?!

Ds is still in with us which pretty much takes care of things. Oh yes, and me feeling knackered and sh*t

Gwenick · 11/02/2005 21:21

If it makes you feel any better I can count how many times we've had sex since I fell pg with DS1 (now 4yrs old) on two hands............

pixiefish · 11/02/2005 21:22

dd is one and i can count on one finger how many times...

Heathcliffscathy · 11/02/2005 21:23

give yourself a break. you are in the tunnel (no sleep, no life, no energy) and if you aren't, you're still a new mum.

if it was great and you enjoyed it, maybe try to sort of schedule some time for it (sponteneity is v v difficult with a young baby), if not, like i said give yourself a break...it takes time to get back to things iyswim.

can you talk to dh about it, and reassure him that this is a stage and a phase and totally naturally, sex is a bit lower on the priority list then usual?

Gwenick · 11/02/2005 21:24

perhaps should also add we've since had another baby (whose 14 months old) and I can count on a clenched fist how many times since he was concieved..........

beansprout · 11/02/2005 21:24

Tell him you started a thread on MN and none of us are doing it either?

fimblesfan · 11/02/2005 21:25

ds is 10 months old & at a guess weve probably done it about 8 times.

stitch · 11/02/2005 21:31

i think the actual number of times isnt as important, as whether you are both ok with the quality and quantity of it. and how things are in other aspects of your relationship.
a few years ago we were having sex about once a month, but i would rather have that, than the once a week session in which you just feel as if youare a masturbatory tool. iykwim. its much more important for the sex to be mutually satisfying.

Original poster
Allyco · 11/02/2005 21:31

yep DD still in with us which makes it all the worse 'cos I feel a bit pervy if I try and think of anything except her.

My DH is lovely bless him. He's probaby knackered as crap too...

OP posts:
pinkroses · 12/02/2005 22:01

My youngest is 14 months and we very rarely have sex now. Maybe every couple of months if dh is lucky!!! I used to have a high sex drive, but since having children my brains keeps saying that sex is not pleasure as it makes babies!!! This put's me right off

I imagine as the kids get older, I'll start to feel better about sex.

dramaqueen72 · 12/02/2005 22:58

i think its taken till dd was 17mths+ before it became 'normal' (whatever the heck that is) for us again. her sleeping with us didnt help. actually it was me not dh who moaned at lack of itbut ahem......we're okay now. we seem to go thro 'phases' of it, lots and then none for weeks/months then lots.etc etc. its so normal after kids. and youre right, you will feel better about it later on.

jenkel · 12/02/2005 23:15

So pleased to see this thread, both dh and I are exhausted, we have a 1 year old and a 2 1/2 year old and quite frankly any spare time we have I want to sleep. But I really do hope this improves with time.

mummytojames · 12/02/2005 23:17

ds sleeps in our room at the moment so it means if we do we have to go into the living room thankfuly we both got a sence of humor because before we get anywhere were in a fit of gigles like teenagers all over again and ds is 18 months now lol

fairycakes · 12/02/2005 23:19

im pleased to come across this thrad as it is an issue i have been worrying about too dd is also 5 months and we have done it twice, although if i am honest, i didnt particularly want to either times, i seem to have totally lost any interest in it whatsoever and at the moment feel like it wouldnt bother me if i never did it again!!

is there something wrong with me?!

jabberwocky · 13/02/2005 01:22

Oh, yes ds was at least 5 or 6 months before we even did it once. After 13 or 14 months we were able to get back to maybe once a week. Just give it time and don't worry about it. You've got enough to worry about right now. If dh is really bothered get him to take a few days off work and take care of baby for 24 hours straight .

spots · 13/02/2005 09:42

another one here, my DD is 9 months and when we've got round to sex it's just been inferior for me compared to before DD's birth. None of my important bits seem to work any more. I have let DH know how sorry I am about this (for myself as much as anything, having previously enjoyed it a lot) and can only assume things will improve with time. this thread confirms my suspicions - it's perfectly normal given the circumstances!

marry · 13/02/2005 11:20

Oh I am so relieved that I'm not the only one in the world with a non existant sex life! DD is 9 months old and although i've gone off the boil it's my dh who is the main problem, he has totally gone off things. I'll try to be more patient

louee · 13/02/2005 11:29

My Ds is now 18 months and my Dd is 4 ,it took a couple of months to get over each birth but after that it was like mating season.I think it all depends on how high your sex drive is,cos even if i'm knackered theres still some energy for some lovin'!!!!(wink)so to answer the question ,its whenever we can!!!! (grin)

kimbie · 13/02/2005 11:51

im only 22 and i have a none existent sx life!When i had my 1st dd we done it 2 wks later (my choice!) i wanted it all the time. Now ive had my 2nd baby shes now 1 we have only done it about 12 times thats once a month just so he can release himself!!! My mum keeps on telling me a man needs sx just lay there! Its easy 4 her to say but if u have no feelings there u dont want to do it do u! I think after all the chores of the day you dont want to go and do another chore just b4 bed u want to sleeeep......

jabberwocky · 13/02/2005 13:21

Just wanted to add that it was a loooong time before things felt right for me. In fact, it was downright painful for the longest time. Dh was very patient about it. The other thing that no one told me about was that if you breastfeed it takes absolutely forever for any feeling to return to your nipples. for me it was several months after I stopped.

trefusis · 13/02/2005 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fairycakes · 13/02/2005 15:30

kimbie that is exactly how i feel and i am also only 22, glad to know im not the only one!

jabberwocky · 13/02/2005 17:32

DS got moved to his own room when we discovered he had woken up and was grinnning at us!! (about 6 months old, thank goodness for infantile amnesia )

highlander · 13/02/2005 18:04

crikey, I've been tempted to start a thread on this for a long time. DH and I haven't had a good shag since I got pregnant , but he did go overseas for 3 months after that until I joined him. DS is now nearly 6 mo, but I'm really reassured that hardly anyone else is 'at it'! I don't even think about sex; I'm too knackered.

Original poster
Allyco · 13/02/2005 20:17

thank god I'm not the only one then.

Trouble is, I do miss it. Do you?

OP posts: