Im so upset i cant stop crying

[ifeellikeshit]

I feel very sad and ridiculous im very unhappy and have no one to talk to about it

the money thing is bad. Don't know how you make him change that. Is money a bit tight generally?

Driving is one of those things. But better to practise it there than in the middle of London say, so long as there is someone who will look after teh dc whilst you have some lessons and then practice, a bit every day probably the best way.

I think it would give you a real boost atm if you could successfully tackle the driving. Might open up some other avenues for you.

Have you talked properly to him and given him one last chance? I f not, that is your next step- then give yourself a "mental" ultimatum of a month or two. See if anything is different. Take some driving lessons. it is necessity- wat if your DCs were ill and you had to get to a drs in an emergency?

I am sure that everyone is going to say the same thing- the fat that your child loves their father is NOT the reason you should stay if this an makes you unhappy and is a selfish bastard.

Children always want the person who is not there, if you went out he would be asking for you. If you came back to England with the children they would be very busy and distracted with new faces that he wouldn't forget, but your (D)H would take a back seat with him.

Erm... I don´t think it is in the best interests of children to stay in a relationship just for the children´s sake...

DS idolises exH. But... he is spending far more quality time with him since we split. The time exH spends with DS has become of such quality that I think DS is much happier than when I was at home feeling bitter about exH or exH "having too much work" to play with him.

I am not afraid of him but if i was ever to leave him i would do it when he wasnt about.
He seems to think that because we live in the country it is somehow a better life for dc's. I dont agree. DS gets no free pre school education and so misses out as a result. Money is tight ( or so im led to believe, to be honest i have no idea about our finances as he has total control). the driving thing is correct...my confidence is jjust crap the moment

Don´t use "last chances" unless you are prepared to follow it through. Otherwise you could loose more than what you gain.

what do your family think of where and how you live?

My family dont comment on my life.. im sure they have their opinions but wouldnt tell me for fear that i would take offence. But we arent the type of family to interfere in each others affairs

Take one thing at a time:

• Talk to him about how you feel (negotiate rather than blame, that´s the game...)Get one improvement a day (even if it is a tiny one)

• perhaps a little practice on the car over the weekend may bring some confidence to learn to drive. One of the advantages of living in an isolated place is to practice a bit of driving without finding other drivers around.

• Start looking for other house options. Even if his work can only be done in that place, there should be at least a small community nearby from where he could commute to work.

Thanks memysonandi you're being really kind...i know i have to learn to drive..thanks for caring

I think i have to talk to him...hes away tonight ( what a suprise) and tell him im unhappy

Thanks everyone for chatting its much appreciated..

I have been where you are, please don´t get me wrong.

I spent eight years of my life begging my then husband to move, there was no single day on those years that I didn´t ask for that. It went on and on until we split, and now that it has happened I realise that I was not in such an ackward situation as I thought I was. It was always on my hands to change the things but I was very accommodating because I thought that was the correct thing to do, hence my advice.

Good luck.

How about "man-talk"?

I'm unhappy basically for these reasons (limit it a bit):
1)
2)
3)
What can we change to make our relationship work? (and then just be silent for quite some time while he works it out)

All the books tell you men can't cope with general expressions of unhappiness, they need problems they can solve in some way. I I hope it works for you.

Is your ds happy there?

Is it him you want to get away from or the way/place you are living? If you think life would be better with him in it but in a different place then talk to him about how unhappy you are and see what you can work out together to make both of you happy.

Learning to drive would give you so much more freedom and it really is a good thing to do and could in the meantime make staying there more barable.

My ds is as happy here as a 2 yr old can be..I think my dp thinks im being selfish by wanting to move somewhere that im happy eg. a city/town. i dont think my dc's would suffer being brought up in a town.

is there any middle of the road alternative between the type of place you now live and a town?

OMG reading MMSAI's last post caught myself wishing I knew how to make a man move from a job and place he likes to a place dd and I might be happier. Sigh. It is hard, isn't it?

Beanieb-Im unhappy with the place im living mostly but feel Dp is putting the place we live before me and dc's and therefore hate them all

Just dont want to live in this country i dont think

my situation is different to yours and I am not isolated but I do have a pretty good idea of how you might feel there.

Is this a permanent job dp now has?

did you like it there initially?

Its a permanent job...he had the same job when we met. And then gave it up when i found out i was pregnant. I gave my job up in the end to come bck here so that he could do his job...Just to clarify..we lived in different countries when i fell pregnant

ifeellikeshit,
can you take a break with your dc going and staying with your family for example 2 weeks?
can you do that once or twice a year?
it may help.
lucy

so your line of work and the kind of social life that suits you = townlife

his job and what he considers a good life = countryside.

I havent ever really liked it here...and im to grin and bear it for dp but that gets increasingly difficult when me and dp arent getting on