I am shaking with rage!

[beautox]

h is passive agressive. Huge row few weeks back, he wanted 'fresh start' with me, last couple of weeks great. Yesterday he obviously got the hump about something, last night slept on sofa, this morning he is showered, put washing on and ironing all before 9, classic sign he has slipped back. Says he will give me a cuddle when he has finished ironing, cheers mate!! If i ask what's wrong he will say nothing, so here we go again!!! No reply needed, just wanted to rant!

Sorry, MrsR, not Dittany.

Would it be foolish to suggest that as the op has not yet come back to fully clarify the situation that there is now a lot of surmising and assumptions. Just a thought.

there is a way out though.

there is only so much you can do to fix someone, and you can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed.

following someone round nagging them about relationships and feelings and engaging will not make them want to engage, or feel, or fix the relationship.

there is no way of curing this behavior unless you ignore it. Everything else is just fuel to the fire.

Relate would be a good starting point, as this is what drove me to anger management and ultimately to Relate.

You can't change what someone else does. You can only change what you do, and hope their reactions change.

Could you do both?
I guess some people read posts on MN that strike a chord with them and want to share their experiences along with giving advice.
The cyber version of sitting round a camp fire maybe?

I don't know, I would ignore my children if they were acting in a way I didn't like, but I would expect my husband to at least try to discuss it and reach a resolution.
Are we supposed to expect so little from our partners?

Yes - you can.

But then you need to issue an ultimatum.

ie "I will not tolerate being ignored for hours on end, and if you continue to do this I will XXXXX"

Otherwise you get the "You and whose army?" situation.

What do you mean it's interesting, Dittany?

I was simply offering the OP a different perspective from "Oh, yes, I've had that with MY ex, nightmare " - something a bit constructive.

It seemed that people didn't want constructive and just wanted to make the point time and again that this sort of "pointed ironing" was really hard to live with, in fact, probably impossible.

Therefore, hopeless, so fuck it, divorce him and start afresh.

Clearly from my responses that's NOT what I think - so it's "interesting" that you think it was, perhaps?

It's not about expecting little, it's about dealing with the behavior as it presents itself. Yes, you would hope someone is eventually just going to grow the fuck up and stop sulking - but what if they don't? What if it gets worse?

How rude to refer to other posters sharing their experiences as babbling.

Anyone seen this thread?

Babbling, sharing, outpourings - I've had a gutful of "bonding-speak" this morning, so I am probably being more "oh fgs" about things than usual.

Full moon? No that was Friday. Sunday afternoon? Ah yes! The irony of a thread that started with the op "shaking with rage" about her dp's passive agressiveness leaves us with a thread with full potential for a bun fight. Hold on, just off to get me oreo's!

I'll ask again
why did he sleep on the sofa?

People don't generally sleep on the sofa just for the hell of it, if there was an issue last night that was left unaddressed then what was it?

Was it as hunker pointed out, anything to do with his son contacting him?

Maybe he is trying to keep busy because he is nervous as hell?

There is nothing to say his cleaning is aimed at the OP except sleeping on the sofa, so why did he sleep there?

Don't you worry about me, Dittany, I'll read and respond where I see fit.

I think it's rude to refer to someone's suggestions as being Stepford-Wife-like, actually.

I think there are two sorts of women replying to this thread, in fact.

I'm in the other column from you, Dittany, which will no doubt please you as much as it pleases me

I'm "shaking with rage"

Still don't understand why that thread enrages you so Hunker.

Only two types of women on this thread?
Those who agree with you and those who don't? Is that what you mean?

Thread rage?

My suggestion would challenge him on his behaviour, because if she responds in a different way from the way she has in the past, there's a chance he'll sit up and take notice.

I'm hoping the reason she hasn't been back to the thread is that she's out enjoying the sunshine while he festers and realises he's being a damn fool, actually.

But you said "positive thinking isn't going to work" - I think it's worth a try, is all.

And, thank you for the heads up re your sarcasm. I got it, cheers.

Give us an orea Mhamai
I'm not going anywhere til I find out why her DH slept on the sofa and I get the impression that May Take Some Time...

This thread is a classic example of why you really need to give plenty of background if you want a sympathetic ear.

My DH often falls asleep on the sofa - it's absolutely not a big deal. He also has no clue where the ironing board is and I'd be surprised and delighted to find him ironing on a Sunday morning.

I completely understand, however, that nothing I've just said is of any use to the OP because there's something going on between her and her partner that she hasn't explained...

Hey I've got an idea! Why don't we all just guess why he slept on the sofa? because until op comes back.........if indeed she ever comes back. It would make about as much sense as anything else so far.