Being victimised by neighbours

[Moshi]

about 3 weeks ago a woman knocked on my door to say that my son (10) had been throwing stones and rocks at her windows with his friends. I told her I would speak to him which I did.

A few days later we received a letter from the council saying that a neighbour had reported us for anti-social behaviour. They wouldn't tell me who had reported us but said the person claimed to have already spoken to me about my son so it must be the same woman. I told them I had spoken to my son and wasn't aware it was still going on but they said apparantly he was still throwing things at her windows, banging on the door and running away and throwing rubbish in her garden. I said I'd speak to him again and they said it would be better if I didn't let him play out unsupervised. Surely this is ridiculous? what am I supposed to do? hold his hand as he's playing football? I grounded him for 2 days.

A week later we had a visit from a police officer who said "a neighbour" had reported my son tampering with her car. Apparantly he was seen trying to let the tyres down and later an egg was thrown at it. She had no proof it was my son so it might not have even been him.

Anyway to cut a long story short, a few days ago I received a letter in the post, an envelope containing a leaflet about abortion. I reported it to the police yet apparantly this is not a crime?? The next day I recieved another one.

Am I jumping to conclusions thinking this is her way of saying I should have had an abortion??

This morning my son shouted to her asking if she had sent them and she said "that's right, keep shouting stuff, the more I have to report, the better".

Is there anything I can do? if I approach her she will report me and we'll be in even more trouble.

had your son and his mates been throwing stones at her windows?

Stay away from her, and tell your son to stay away too. WHo saw him tampering with the car?

They were throwing stones at the windows, he admitted that and as far as I know it has stopped.

She apparantly saw him tampering with the car. I asked if she saw him why didn't she go out and say something and the police said she was too scared of reprisals (from a 10 year old??)

I think she's basically got a bee in her bonnet and is reporting every little thing as having something to do with DS

i think you should both keep well away from her and not give her any reason at all to report your son.

it is hardly victimisation to be reported for something your son did do. if she is elderly , lives alone, she might well have found having rocks thrown at her windows by a group of lads quite scary

I would log everything she says or does regarding you and your chn from now on.
Keep anything that comes in the post.

i think groundinf for 2 days wasnt enough. it obviously hasnt stopped him has it.....

Seeing it from the 'otherside' i would do exactly what she is doing.

your son is being a pain in the arse.

TBH if my son had thrown stuff at a neighbour's car I would have taken him round to apologise, asked what the neighbour would like him to do as reparation - for example wash and polish said car, under supervision, and I would have grounded him for a lot longer than 2 days. Perhaps she thinks you are not taking her complaint seriously.

Agree with frogs. Nip this in teh bud now. YOu have to think of the long term affects of something like this. Disputes with neighbours are a pita.
Obviously you want to protect your son, and part of that is not allowing this to escalate.
Take him round there, make him apologise, and tell her you don't want any bad feeling.
It will be hard but force yourself.

Also, tell your son if he does it again he'll be grounded for the next year!

you need to keep an eye on what your son is up to
he should stay well away from her and her property

If my son had been doing the things you son has, he would have had more than a grounding for two days.

I'd take the steam out of the situation, I think.

The abortion leaflets are horrible - there is no excuse for those.

But your son should know at 10 years old that his behaviour is unacceptable.

Get him to write a letter of apology, and copy it in to the police and council.

Make a very public stance that your son realises his behaviour was wrong, that you have dealt with it, that he has apologised, and that the issue is now closed as far as you are concerned.

Tell your DS to keep away from this woman.

Report any further bad behaviour from her, but do not raise to her bait.

You know what you should do.

First of all, stop your son. Remove any reason for her to have a go.

Be more angry with your son than you are with her! you're focusing on her when you should be coming down hard on him! If he is doing stuff like this he needs stopping NOW before he becomes one of those hooded yobbos hanging around street corners.

Take action while he's still young and manageable, bring him back into line and she'll have nothing to complain about, will she?

So your son is victimising a neighbour, being exceptionally anti-social, virtually getting away with it and you're annoyed with HER?!!

Come down like hot bricks or sooner than you know it, he'll be an ASBO kid.

sounds like your son is terrorising your neighbour and you are letting him paint himself as the victim because she is not delighted with his actions and has actually done something about it.

1. You have no proof whatsoever that the abortion letter is linked to her
2. Your son started it!
3. Your son is then shouting in the street and "winding up" the situation. He is 10 years old; he should not be talking to adults in this way.
4. If he can't behave, then no, he shouldn't be playing out unsupervised; it is your responsibility to ensure that his "playing" is not antisocial.

You need to keep your son away from her and be clear in your expectations of his behaviour. Otherwise I'm afraid you're storing up trouble for later.

Bettenoire has good advice. Make him apologise publicly, offer to do something to make amends, and threaten him with whatever you have if he does it again. Maybe he stopped after the first time and she's blaming him unfairly for further incidents, or maybe he is still winding her up.
Why does your son know that she sent those nasty leaflets? (if it was her) you should keep that to yourself, you are just winding him up and giving him permission to confrnt her. That's not the business of a child.