How would you handle a criticing sister

[bigboydiditandranaway]

Everytime i see her she has to make a remark on something i have said/done/parenting style, even an expression. She is so opinionated, i find her remarks rude and overbearing, things i would not bother passing a comment about, she always does.

She has been like this for some time but it seems to have got worse or i seem more bothered by it since the arrival of dc 2.6yrs ago.

What would you do, expexcting dc2 soon so i am expecting more comments from her aswell as from difficult inl's so want to try and handle things best i can.

I'd go into super assertive mode - a side of me I seem to be able to access now I have kids . I'd say - 'You may not realise how rude and overbearing you are being but you need to stop as it is damaging our relationship and I would like us to get on well'. And, as with kids, be consistent so every time she makes a hurtful comment you IMMEDIATELY pull her up on it.

That's a really good reply, very assertive. I am now armed for when she visits next. Thank you

If it was me i would tell her to shut up or remind her if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything.

I would also probaly behave to her the way she is behaving towards me and when she asks why i am behaving/speaking like to her i would just say it not nice is it and am fedup with the way you have been treating me so i decided to give you a taste of your own medicine.

When did this all start?.

Be assertive certainly but you also need to find out exactly why she behaves like this. Am not excusing her at all btw; she would likely not treat one of her friends in the same manner and as sisters you should have an unbreakable bond.

Is she older or younger than you?.

I am wondering also if on a wider level your parents also showed preceived or actual favouritism towards one of you when you were younger. Sometimes that is the root cause of such conflict. She's angry - I wonder why. Sometimes such nasty things are also said out of a lack of self esteem - i.e put someone else down to make self feel better.

Why are the inlaws also difficult?

She used to smoke a lot of wacky backy and i think it started from then, although i lived away from home then so it didn't have much of an impact.

She's actually broke up from her husband recently after 8yrs or so of being together, basically she met him on the rebound after another longish relationship and now she has met someone else straight away.

She has no children and neither does she want any.

She is younger than me and i would say that we have been treated fairly equally but i have to say i have often felt like the one being ganged up on by sister and parents when i'm trying to make my own way(starting a family being the most recent)

Inl's have been difficult since dh and i decided to get married, fil always used to say vile comments to dh but now seems to aim them at me mainly. They are also quite controlling and pushy people and have been used to getting their own way for so long with their two ds until they both got married.