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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I think I have found my long lost half-sister on Facebook. Should I contact her?

30 replies

artichokes · 16/07/2008 20:06

We share the same Dad but he died when I was a baby and she was 8. All my life I have wanted a sibling and used to dream of meeting her.

I have tried to track her before but with no success. I did once meet her sister, also my half-sister, who was nice enough but didn't stay in touch and said her sister would not want to meet me (I don't know if she actually asked).

I have no close living blood relatives except DD. For this reason my half sisters remain important people in my mind.

So should I put in a friend request to her Facebook account? Or is that too weird a way to contact a half-sibling? And if I do write a message with the friend request what should I say?

OP posts:

llareggub · 16/07/2008 20:10

Yes. In your situation I would contact her. No idea what you should say though.

I really hope you get what you want out of this.

sherby · 16/07/2008 20:10

Yes

You've got nothing to lose, so she rejects it, you've lost nothing

If she doesn't then thats lovely for you

VeniVidiVickiQV · 16/07/2008 20:12

Yeah, why not contact her? She can only ignore you, or say "no thanks". At least then you know.

itati · 16/07/2008 20:12

I would contact her but with provisos -

I would try and do it more privately than FB and I would say straight away who you are. Make sure you knows you don't want anything other than friendship and give her chance to get over the shock before she replies.

Good luck!

beanieb · 16/07/2008 20:13

Yes, contact her. Say what you said in your OP. tell her you met her sister and you were given the impression that she would not want to meet and ask if it is sture.

Tell her how you have always hoped to meet herbut not in a stalkerish way.

opefully she will want to share her memories of your dad.

good luck.

beanieb · 16/07/2008 20:14

oh, yes - what Itati said. Is her email public, could you contact her that way? Or through a private message on FaceBook...

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 16/07/2008 20:16

Write her a message. I found my half brother on friends reunited. It was great.

llareggub · 16/07/2008 20:17

Don't say anything about meeting her sister, just in case her sister never shared it with her. It might cause friction and loyalty problems.

Original poster

artichokes · 16/07/2008 20:20

I would prefer to contact her another way than Facebook but I have no idea how to. I know it is not ideal. One trouble is that FB will only allow me to write a 50 word message with a friend request and 50 words are too few to explain who I am and reassure her.

I just worry it is an unwise way of approaching her but I don't want to miss the only oppurtunity I have had in years.

I don't want to mess this up. If I put her off then I have lost my only chance to meet someone who is related to my Dad and who may acutally be able to tell me what kind of Dad he was (I have loads of photos of them together and know they adored each other).

OP posts:

preggersplayspop · 16/07/2008 20:22

Go for it. You don't want to look back on your life when you are old and think "what if". I hope it goes well for you if you decide to do it.

tiggerlovestobounce · 16/07/2008 20:23

Send her a message rather than a message with the friend request. If it is the only way that you have to contact her, then I think it is OK, probably not ideal, but OK if it is the only option you have.

preggersplayspop · 16/07/2008 20:24

Having to keep it to 50 words may help you say what is really important to you and not scare her off?

dizzydixies · 16/07/2008 20:24

artichokes why don't you say exactly that? introduce yourself, explain who you think you are to her and that you have a pile of photos of her and your dad together if she was interested in seeing them?

hope it all works out for you

itati · 16/07/2008 20:27

Hi
I am your sister, artichokes, we have the same dad. I would love to chat/email/meet. Her is my email if you want to meatfsmaildotnet

27 words

beanieb · 16/07/2008 20:29

itati I think that sounds too offhand tbh, the 'we have the same dad' could be softened a bit?

swiftyknickers · 16/07/2008 20:33

i think i'm your half sister-not an ideal way to contact you but can't miss the oportunity of a lifetime [email protected] love to get in touch

do it do it do t

itati · 16/07/2008 20:34

I was trying to keep within the word limit!

Original poster

artichokes · 16/07/2008 20:36

Lol - I am so edgy about this that I keep thinking the messages below are people thinking they are my half-sister, rather than people drafting messages for me to tell her I am her half sister!

Thanks to Tigger I now realise FB will let me send a long message without a friend request.

I think I am going to go for it. I feel sick.

OP posts:

itati · 16/07/2008 20:37

Good luck!

spicemonster · 16/07/2008 20:39

Go for it. You know you'll regret it if you don't. But you don't need to rush it. Do it tomorrow or the next day if it would be easier

preggersplayspop · 16/07/2008 20:39

Tell us how you get on - good luck!

Original poster

artichokes · 16/07/2008 20:44

What about this???

"My name is Artichokes and I writing this message in the hope you are XX as in the eldest daugher of YY. If you are then we are half-sisters, I am his youngest daughter.

I am sorry to contact you through Facebook but I have wanted to try and contact you for a while and could not let this oppurtunity pass.

I would love to get in touch properly and talk about our Dad etc. I have loads of photos of you and him playing and lots of cards and letters you and he wrote to each other when he was ill. I would love to share these with you if you are interested.

I hope to hear from you.
Artichokes."

OP posts:

beanieb · 16/07/2008 20:47

Woops sorry ititi - I wasn't meaning to be rude

spicemonster · 16/07/2008 20:48

I think that's lovely. I really, really hope you get a reply

itati · 16/07/2008 20:50

You weren't. You were right, it was snappy!

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