All we do is row over them!

[justageek]

Another moaning/ranting post for me, once again hubby has gone off to work in a temper and i am upset, this is becoming a pretty standard occurance now.

Firstly he is stropping because he cant find clean work clothes, i asked him on saturday AND sunday if he had any to be washed and e said no. Then he doesnt let the puppy out because he is too busy getting mad over his work cloths so i go to let her out...too late she wee's on the floor. I have to clean it up. The girls then decide they are getting up (3 and 2) and i tell them to go back to bed until i say. DD1 then tells me but she has wet the bed. huraah. I clean that up.

DD2 then creates a scene because there is no weetabix left so its toast and jam for breakfast, but she doesnt want it, so husband shouts at her and puts her back to bed. my eldest then smears jam all over the wall and when asking her why...she says DD2 did it, whom is still in her room.

I know they are behaving like this because last night they continously got out of their beds from 7 till near on 12 midnight. Neither of them nap in the day and if you stick a nap in around lunchtime, it makes this problem worse. Its simply because they share a room and because they can. All last night we rowed about what to do about it, and then all this morning we rowed, because i am fucking SICK of being left to bring my children up alone, 5 days a week with no break ever, and yet he thinks he can tell me how i should be doing it.

I wish i could storm off to work everytime something is said that i dont like. I wish i could storm out and leave my 2 and 3 year old everytime they are angering me or upsetting me, I wish i could storm off to work instead of doing mountains of bloody washing a day and all the other joys of 'keeping house'.

I am also 27 weeks pregnant with our third, and these days i spent most of my time just thinking, what the hell have i done, having another. Last night i could barely sleep baby was so active and all i wanted this morning was a cup of coffee and a a chance to sit quietly until i woke up.

i am one angry, resentful, sad person today.

Can you stagger bedtime, or move a child in with you? Where is baby going to sleep?

Oh you poor thing, deep breaths. Um how about doing nothing today but resting and playing with the dc's there is no such thing as housework that can't wait.

Justageek

You are doing a great job with two very small children. The work is relentless. It is a thankless task, especially if your DH isn't appreciating your efforts.

Make yourself a cuppa and just sit for a minute. Start the day again!

men eh? they are bloody useless!!! mine is off to work in a mnodd becuase i had ago at him about his snoring again!!

does yours help with the dds at weekends? you dont say in your post. you cant really have a go at him for working if he does try to help.

sounds like you had a rough night with the dcs. have you tried a star chart or something to keep them in bed? each night they stay in bed all night they get a star. so many stars equal a treat that they can 'spend' or save for a better treat. getting up equals a black mark if they collect too many black marks they lose a favourite toy for so many days/weeks.

we have a 3 bedroom, but the baby room is really just a box room with a window. We can fit a single bed in it, and that was one of our rows last night. He wanted to seperate the girls, i didnt. But perhaps he is right, as the baby will be in with us for the first 6 months anyways, so perhaps 9 months of being seperated might be the way to go.

I just figured that the minute they go back in together it will be the same nonsense again. Its been like this for 2 months now, ever since we moved into a bungalow and eldest started night training. I have tried everything and they just think its all a big game.

Thats the horrble thing carmenere we argue so much over the children, i really feel like i resent them now, and i know its wrong, i know they are just children and its not their fault but more and more i keep thinking about how much i would love to run away from them rather than sit and play with them.

Its another thing we row about, i know he has to work, but it feels like for the past 3 years i have done ALL the hard stuff and he has done all the fun stuff. I want to enjoy my girls but since they got older, i just cant

oh i can have a go at him for working, its not reasonable or right but its hard not to sometimes. I would give my right arm to be working or us both part time working, and coming home to see my kids, but i could never earn anywhere near what he can and of course there is a new baby on the way.

I am finding it very hard to keep pulling myself together and telling myself to stop moaning and just get on with it. I am sure its pregnancy just making me tired and a bit miserable.

He does help, he is a very good father, i cant fault him there. We are just different types of parents really, the kids can do no wrong in his eyes, daddies girls and the correcting their behaviour/problems fall on my shoulders unless i have enough of a go at him to get him to support me. He is getting better at being united with me though.

the star chart worked really well with my dd when she had a bad phase at about 3 years old.

her worked on the principle that if she stayed in bed untill her alarm went off she got a star. a weeks worth of stars = macd's on sat. if chose to 'save' her stars two weeks = macds and cinema three weeks = new dvd/game from second hand dvd shop. more than three black marks in a row and her tv was taken away untill she had earned three stars.

Oh you Can enjoy them, but you may well be too tired to atm. Right so, I think you need some physical help. You need a break and some sleep, who is your support system? Time to ask for help, if you have no one I would seriously consider ring your dh and asking him to take a half day. There is no shame in admitting that doing the hardest job in the world gets too much sometimes. How do you think he will react if you just admit defeat ad that you need help? He probably is right about the dc's btw. What is the point in not trying it, if it will be a chance of some sleep?

AND you are pregnant!! FGS anyone would need a bit of help in your situation, you are only human. C'mon, he loves you and he loves his family so he will want to help.

It probably would work with my three year old micci, but doubtful with my just turned 2 year old, they do tend to egg each other on.

They dont really respond to anything i do these days though, if i take away the tv they dont care, they just go and play together in their room quite happy, if i use the naughty corner, they just happily go to it and sit in it for their 2 or 3 minutes then come out smiling, if i shout it doesnt bother them, i wont smack though i have done in the past, there is nothing that actually seems to bother them at all, and makes me think its sunk in what they are doing.

I am consistent, i always get down to their level and explain. I am sure its because they are together all day and it doesnt matter how upset mum is, they always have each other if you see what i mean, and if one laughs at the others behaviour, it makes it okay.

My eldest is also really bad just now for being told not to do something, but then my youngest might, so she then thinks its okay. It does feel like i am fighting a losing battle most days and instead of getting upset i have started just giving up and leaving them to it.

It does get better, they are at a particularly difficult age

agree with other then it might be worth giving them seperate rooms for a while or putting the younger one to bed earlier so that she is already asleep when the older comes to bed!!

is there anyone who would take one or both of them for a night at the weekend to give uou and your h some breathing space? you both sound v tired and theres nothing wrong with admiting that you need help!

carmenere, he is the only one that could help and realistically he is not in a position to take time off. I have started gettng pregnancy migraines and a few weeks ago he had a friday off because i woke up with one in the morning, and it leaves me unable to see (flashing lights, blurring, i cant focus with them, though i can still 'see' as such) and obviously with a puppy and two toddlers i need to be able to see what they are doing. It lasts about 2-4 hours then the pain starts.

He took time off for that, and because it was such short notice, his boss was unamused, and i just ended up feeling shit really, as i knew hubby was upset about it. I dont know what else i am meant to do though, and feel i cant ask him to take time off.

I know he thinks other women cope, and i think that too, but its soo bloody hard just now, every day i wake up dreading what its going to bring

i hope he doesnt tell you other women cope? my dp does that it drives me up the wall, we fell out for a month because i got sick of him telling me how perfect sil was!! he told her why we fighting and hse told him that if she was me she would have slapped him!!!

no woman copes brilliantly 100% of the time! we are all human and its hard being pg with two little ones! i hate migranes i get them too. i really cannot cope wth dds an dmograne i have to call someone to take them or dp swaps his day off while i go and rock in a dark corner try and go back to sleep untill they pass!!

Ok well if I were you I would look into sending both of them to a CM for a morning or two a week. Because unless you are very lucky you can't actually do housework and look after two pre-schoolers and be pregnant. If he can't help you then you need someone to help. I really think that that would be money well spent, that would cost about 30-40 quid with my CM and whilst I know no-one has any spare cash atm, you have to do something to remain stable, particularly whilst pregnant.

Other women cope? They may LOOK like they are coping but i can guarantee no-one copes all the time, especially with two little ones and another on the way.

I sometimes think its harder when there are two of you parenting because you are never going to agree all the time and if you are tired fuses are likely to be short.

What happens at the weekends? can he take the DCs for half a day to give you a break?

Can you sit down and agree on the major issues that you argue about over the girls?

Can you give the puppy away, sounds like you have enough to cope with without a dog?

Or perhaps a cleaner for 3 hours a week would help. But sorry, I do think that you need to address this problem and it is not just your problem and telling you that other women cope is a farking joke. Tell him it is his genes in his hyper kids that make your life so difficult.

Yes agree with LMG get rid of the puppy

at 3 the older one could go to playgroup - possbily even the two yer old

agree with Beetroot, if they are over 2.5 they can have 2 and a half hour sessions at playgroup. When they are 3.5 this will be free I think. If you can afford it it can be alife saver, especially when you are pregnant and knackeed and also when the baby comes along.

Divide and conquer - when they are playing nicely together take advanage and get one chore done then rest....
If they will not listen to you or are being naughty then seperate themfor a while and give each something to do that will keep them occupied.

At bedtimes seperate tem...we used to do this right until my eldest two were 3 and 5 becase the edlest would just coerce the youngest into staying awake and being naughty. If you don't want to change their bedroom then just put one in your bed at bedtime until they are asleep then take them back to their own bed.

Give them plenty of exercise outside the house every day and plenty of fresh air..helps them sleep better.

In your stuation I employed a nanny three morings per week. she took them out and I went to bed.

It really helped me cope

well this weekend we went to the circus as he wanted to take the girls, so we were up early (day time show) or rather i was, he stayed in bed. After the cirus i somehow got myself roped into taking my two neices for the night (7 and 5) and they didnt go to bed till quite late.

I then hoped to get a little lie in on the sunday but got told about 7am, to go and put the dog out, then the girls decided they were getting up and that was that. I spent most of the day tired and miserable and he played with the kids. I could have laid down i suppose but all i could think of was the mountains of housework that was starting to pile up (he washed dishes this weekend that was it).

By evening time i was so tired i was on a melt down, and took myself off to bed to have a good cry, without him hearing, because i cant be bothered with the, whats wrongs, then the attempts to help when really nothing will change. I had just gone off to sleep when he came into the room, turned the light on, walked out leaving it on, let the dog in whom jumped all over me and that was that i found it really hard to sleep again.

After a while we had a cuddle and he did ask me if i was okay, but i just couldnt find it in me to begin even talking about it.

I have asked about a childminder, but we really cannot afford it. We are on a really tight budget thanks to a debt management plan. We could afford it if he cut out his beer and smoking habits, but he wouldnt anyways. well he would say he would try, but wouldnt. The only luxury as such i have is the internet.

And agree with sending at least the 3 yr old to nursery/playgroup...