All we do is row over them!

[justageek]

Another moaning/ranting post for me, once again hubby has gone off to work in a temper and i am upset, this is becoming a pretty standard occurance now.

Firstly he is stropping because he cant find clean work clothes, i asked him on saturday AND sunday if he had any to be washed and e said no. Then he doesnt let the puppy out because he is too busy getting mad over his work cloths so i go to let her out...too late she wee's on the floor. I have to clean it up. The girls then decide they are getting up (3 and 2) and i tell them to go back to bed until i say. DD1 then tells me but she has wet the bed. huraah. I clean that up.

DD2 then creates a scene because there is no weetabix left so its toast and jam for breakfast, but she doesnt want it, so husband shouts at her and puts her back to bed. my eldest then smears jam all over the wall and when asking her why...she says DD2 did it, whom is still in her room.

I know they are behaving like this because last night they continously got out of their beds from 7 till near on 12 midnight. Neither of them nap in the day and if you stick a nap in around lunchtime, it makes this problem worse. Its simply because they share a room and because they can. All last night we rowed about what to do about it, and then all this morning we rowed, because i am fucking SICK of being left to bring my children up alone, 5 days a week with no break ever, and yet he thinks he can tell me how i should be doing it.

I wish i could storm off to work everytime something is said that i dont like. I wish i could storm out and leave my 2 and 3 year old everytime they are angering me or upsetting me, I wish i could storm off to work instead of doing mountains of bloody washing a day and all the other joys of 'keeping house'.

I am also 27 weeks pregnant with our third, and these days i spent most of my time just thinking, what the hell have i done, having another. Last night i could barely sleep baby was so active and all i wanted this morning was a cup of coffee and a a chance to sit quietly until i woke up.

i am one angry, resentful, sad person today.

i find other mums are the best to ask for hel! especially if you have any single mum friends?

i cant count the amount of times me and my friend have logged onto msn desperate that the other is there because if we dont get a break soon we are going to hurt our dc's!!

we have an arrangement whereby i take her dd a few mornings a week and she has mine over night over night once or twice a month and we are both on call for the "i cant do this anymore im going to throw the dcs through a window" moments!!!

Get rid of the puppy - you have enough to cope with at the moment and buy a stairgate for their room that means they can't keep coming out and make sure the light is off - maybe you should stop with the nighttime training for your eldest until she is a little more compliant too and you have more time and energy to cope with things.

You are coping though - I was a wreck when DS got to the age where he argued about everything and I only had him and a 5 year old and she was/is an angel - you need to cut yourself some slack.

and sleep whenever you can
fuck the housework

we live in a tiny town and i dont drive. My eldest starts preschool in august for 5 2.5 hour sessions a week. There is also two playgroups that i take them both too, but they stopped for the summer holidays up here. The preschool is the only one and ONLY takes from 3 up, so my youngest cannot go. This will mean 4 trips into the town centre a day (10 min walk for me, around 30-40 with the children) when new baby arrives.

I think i will try separating them tonight and see if it makes a difference.

The puppy i will not rehome, as much as she makes more work she is a part of the family the girls love her and would be really upset if she was gone. She is not that much trouble, but when we got her it was agreed we would share the taking for walks etc. Its not, its all me whom feeds her, trains her and walks her. no suprise there really.

start paying a nice helpfull greedy teenager to walk the puppy.

i cant put a stair gate up for the night training. My eldest is doing really well and has just started getting herself up to the toilet instead of needing lifted. They sleep in a pitch black room, thanks to a black out. They ALWAYS slept 7-7 from 6 weeks old, even when the eldest had chicken pox, it seems to have been the house move that kicked this all off. I used to be one of those smug parents whom would secretly think...MY kids sleep great, they will NEVER be any trouble...ha.

i walk the dog to get us all out of the house in the afternoon, as if we are in all day it really does get very hard work.

(this is my husbands arguement, he says it doesnt matter what i suggest you always have an excuse to say its rubbish. Which is true, except its not an excuse its just how it is. I think he thinks i like to make my life hard and be miserable. yeah.)

The night seperating thing though, yes i will definately give that a go.

Ok well to play devils advocate for a minute, you have rebuffed just about every suggestion made here. Perhaps you should take a step back and realise that the reason, I'm guessing, that you are so massively negative is because you are exhausted. You need to rest because it is not fair on your dh and your dc's if you are miserable all the time. ASK dh for help.

i have done, hedgewitch i honestly truely really have told him exctly how i feel, word for word. And nothing is any different, because there is nothing to be done to make it any different, i just have to get on with it. I am sat here just now, the kids are playing in their room, and its chucking it down. I have an overflowing wash basket, plus a wash sat in the carry basket waiting to go in and a wash waiting to be hung up, where i dont know. The dishes need doing, the kids breakfast is still on the table uncleared up, my eldests bed needs made up after peeing on it, we are all in our pyjamas, the floor really does need hoovering and kitchen floor washed...and instead of just pulling myself together and doing it, like i normally do, i just dont want to. I dont see the point. Noone will care, it will just be the same again tomorrow and i will be even more tired after doing it all.

I am really starting to think i am just plain depressed.

You do sound depressed, all that stuff, firstly can wait and secondly wouldn't be that big a deal if you weren't shattered. Perhaps a chat with your MW is in order. Perhaps email this thread to your dh?

You have mentioned that your eldest has wet the bed twice now..are you sure she is ready for night training? And could she not have a potty to go on (until she is fully trained)so she doesn't have to leave the room and you can put a stairgate over their doorway?

i have rebuffed every suggestion for good reason. we can not afford a childminder. Thats not an excuse, we cannot. Last month we ended up having to put around £50 on our credit card that we are not meant to have because of our debt management plan, just to cover an unexpected bill. If i could have a child minder i would LOVE a childminder. seriously. i would.

I rebuffed the seperating room thing with DH last night as at the time i couldnt see that it would help, but i have said i will give it a go tonight.

I HAVE spoken to him till i am blue int he face, hence the not even bothering anymore, because it doesnt get me anymore. He cant help more than he does, thanks to his work and if he loses his job, what then?

The puppy is not the problem here, i dont believe in getting rid of animals, she is a great family pet and as i say walking her actually gets me out of the house in the day, which helps. its that last walk at night that hubby could do but is normally to engrossed watching top gear and drinking beer to bother.

I am not sure what other suggestions i have rebuffed.

yesi am sure she is ready for night training. When you train a child, night or day, of course they still have accidents. This is the first one she has had in nearly 3 weeks. i would say thats not bad going at all.

thanks for your help and suggestions anyways ladies. I think i am just getting defensive now so will take some of the suggestions that i didnt rebuff and give them a go.

yes he could do more hedgewitch, but i cant physically force him to. About two months ago i started fly lady and was really positive about it, but gradually after about 2 weeks, i just got fed up because the house didnt seem to be getting any better. I asked hubby to make an effort, just little things like wiping the sink clean in the bathroom after using it say, or if doing the dishes to wash AND dry, instead of just wash and leave for a day or until i get round to putting it away and he did...for a bit. Eventually i just thought whats the bloody point. Why bother keeping it tidy.

I tried not cooking dinner last night, and he just never bothered either. He has a weed habit too but i wont go there with that, as its another round in circles thing. It just means he never does anything in the evening basically.

really, you are so lucky then, its like pulling teeth to get Dh to do anything in the evening, once the kids are in bed. He will bath the kids and put them to bed for me, but i am sure he feels his job as a husband and father ends there. I cant really say that much though, when the kids go to bed, i tend to make dinner then spend the evening sat on my laptop (not moaning lol but chatting to people).

I am normally a really firm believer in making your bed and lying in it, and can normally sort myself out, and get a grip, just the past few months i cant seem to. Thats why i am thinking depression. I see the midwife at 28 weeks and suspect i will be anemic as well, when she does my bloods. I already was a 11 weeks but refused the iron tablets, drinking spatone instead and eating a green diet, but that seems to have slipped as well.

perhaps, rather than ouy sittingo nt he computer or chatting to mates you should chat to each other.

book time out to go for dinner/cinema etc.

is there anyway you could the mw to talk to your dh? my dp got well and truely told off by mine when she realsied how much i was still doing and how little he was doing!

he was very ashamed and embaressed and he did start helping a bit more, well at least untill baby was born! she still does not like him much and i dont think he thinks much of her either, but it worked for a while at least.

yes i say that to him beetroot, i have tried all sorts. Some nights we do have a good chat about ligth hearted stuff and its lovely. I suggested perhaps as we cant get babysitters maybe we could do the FLY lady idea of a date night on a friday, cook a nice dinner etc We managed one friday of that, then there was some things on tv he wanted to watch the next friday and i didnt bother the next friday.

Also its not the easiest trying to hold a conversation with a stoned person. It depends on how it affects him. some nights he is fine, other nights he doesnt get what i am saying to him and i have to repeat myself a lot. I get frustrated at that. Its kind of become a habit, him and his tv/beer/weed and me on my laptop, for adult company.

I have suggested to him sometimes, even playing a board game, we have quite a few. sometimes he will, most of the time he wont.

i doubt it because of his work micci. I did get him to go to the doctors recently about his habits though, as i started to wonder if he was depressed in himself, he did go and has been referred to a CPN, just waiting for an appointment for him. He is a long term smoker, for over 20 years and aftera serious chat, feels he has always been pretty depressed. The kids make him happy i think, so its easy for him to spend time and look after them. The housework and me dont i guess, so he doesnt have the enthusiasm too.

what a pair we are. We do love each other very very much. Just in a bit of a mess i think.

he sounds a real catch

I've had 6 children and struggled very hard to do the things you are 'meant' to do. I'll probably be shouted down for saying so, but after 3 children, I realised you really don't need to train a child at night. When their bladder is big enough that they do not need to get up for the loo at night, their nappies will be dry in the mornings. Then you simply don't put the nappies on anymore. There is no struggling and getting up in the night. It's very easy. It's only because people say you should 'train' them that everyone puts themselves through this. Actually, they learn to do it on their own eventually. It will take longer - obviously - but there is a lot less stress this way. Hope I'm not being offensive. It's just one less worry.