All we do is row over them!

[justageek]

Another moaning/ranting post for me, once again hubby has gone off to work in a temper and i am upset, this is becoming a pretty standard occurance now.

Firstly he is stropping because he cant find clean work clothes, i asked him on saturday AND sunday if he had any to be washed and e said no. Then he doesnt let the puppy out because he is too busy getting mad over his work cloths so i go to let her out...too late she wee's on the floor. I have to clean it up. The girls then decide they are getting up (3 and 2) and i tell them to go back to bed until i say. DD1 then tells me but she has wet the bed. huraah. I clean that up.

DD2 then creates a scene because there is no weetabix left so its toast and jam for breakfast, but she doesnt want it, so husband shouts at her and puts her back to bed. my eldest then smears jam all over the wall and when asking her why...she says DD2 did it, whom is still in her room.

I know they are behaving like this because last night they continously got out of their beds from 7 till near on 12 midnight. Neither of them nap in the day and if you stick a nap in around lunchtime, it makes this problem worse. Its simply because they share a room and because they can. All last night we rowed about what to do about it, and then all this morning we rowed, because i am fucking SICK of being left to bring my children up alone, 5 days a week with no break ever, and yet he thinks he can tell me how i should be doing it.

I wish i could storm off to work everytime something is said that i dont like. I wish i could storm out and leave my 2 and 3 year old everytime they are angering me or upsetting me, I wish i could storm off to work instead of doing mountains of bloody washing a day and all the other joys of 'keeping house'.

I am also 27 weeks pregnant with our third, and these days i spent most of my time just thinking, what the hell have i done, having another. Last night i could barely sleep baby was so active and all i wanted this morning was a cup of coffee and a a chance to sit quietly until i woke up.

i am one angry, resentful, sad person today.

he is beetroot. There could be a lot worse things he could do, such as be mean to me, be violent, be a bad father etc. He is a good man albeit a typical one and thats why i love him. We just cant seem to get a good balance in our lives, of children, us and work.

little woman, for the most her nappies were dryin the morning, thats when i first started leaving them off. On the whole, in 2 months she has probably only had about 4 accidents, so i dont think its a bad thing. It wasnt her night training i was complaining about though, just the fact that it meant i couldnt have a stair gate up.

you must be very lonely, you are spending all day on your own coping with your DCs and then your DP is effectively absenting himself by getting stoned every night. no wonder you are fed up.

can you ask him to not start smoking until a certain time and get him to devote an hour after the DCs are in bed to help you clear up?

maybe that way there will be less resentment on both sides.

smoking dope longterm can make you depressed, maybe if he laid off it for a bit it might make him feel a bit better too.

hopefully the cpn will be able to help there, he started smoking it around 14-15 when his parents split, it affected him really badly, and i think he has just spent most of his life before me, burying his head in the sand instead of facing up to issues going on around him. He says he doesnt really enjoy smoking it anymore, but gets very anxious about it, and i think deep down he is scared that if he comes off it, it might have damaged him in some way. I think he does want to stop he is just going to need a lot of help.

I think thats a good idea though mankymummy, asking him to wait a bit before starting it, i will ask him tonight.

Sorry to shatter an illusion but a 'typical' man does not get stoned every night and spend cash that the family could benefit from on weed/fags and booze.
He is letting you grind yourself down.
I agree with getting the MW to talk to him if you dont think he wll listen to you.

its not an illusion DDF i am not an idiot. I meant a 'typical' man in that a lot of things go in one ear and out the other and most men iknow are never keen to do housework anyways. a typical bloke.

Not the weed smoking being typical or its effects.

i am feeling a bit perkier now, so i think a cup of coffee then i am going to get off here and stop whining LOL, do something fun in the house with the girls and maybe a little housework.

I didn't infer you were stupid...

good for you sweetie, go get yourself a big cream cake too !

make sure you have a little chat with him, maybe point out that if you are prepared to make an effort than he can too...

btw me and DS are still in pyjamas, its chucking it down outside so i am allowing us a slobbing out day LOL.

no DDF but it would be my own opinion that if a woman was to think that a man whom is a stoner is a typical man, then i myself would think she is being pretty stupid, i wasnt suggesting you were saying that i was ;)

Good God Geek! This is a tremendous amount for you to do. I think what is typical of women in your situation, is they end up trying to do everything, becoming overwhelmed and exhausted along the way.

In your shoes, I would try and create a workable schedule between you and your DH. Eg. Monday and Saturday mornings is laundry blitzing, Tuesday and Sunday sees the hoover out, etc. I can only imagine you will need to drop your housekeeping standards for the forseeable (or drop them even lower if you already have).

I would get DH to be responsible for his own clothes and work things. It's too much on top of everything else.

Side by side star charts for the dds might egg them into some rivalrous 'good' behaviour, each wanting to outdo the other in gold stars?? Or am I just off with the fairies?

Ask DH to postpone his relax time in the evenings to help clear up. I probably would turn a blind eye to the smoking for the time being, but that's me.

I don't know how you will manage the walks to and from playgroup as your pregnancy progresses. I would actually consider getting a double-buggy and whoosh the pair of them up in that, if there is no-one around to help out with this.

Grit your teeth (don't grind, stress habit I have), nobody could do it better than you already are

Mrs M that's a lovely message and very sensible-I second that!

Geek, this is the toughest time. Don't know if any reflection from the other side helps, but we went througha tough patch when teh kids were 3 and 1. I am the worker though, and it was me that got home to be handed the kids to bath and bed and then moaned at for not doing any housework. I still vividly remember moping the kitchen floor at 11pm on a Wednesday and weeping while I did it....there really was no other time for me to help out. Then at the weekend I got the "it's always the same for me, I need time off" so I would take the kids and play, and never got a break neither.

It's just tough for both of you, in different ways.

It almost certainly would help if you sat down and formally shared tasks. He can sort his own work clothes, for a start. Separate the kids at bedtime. Jack in the night training and get some sleep and do less washing. They won't be in nappies at 16. We did have a childminder one day a week for dh's sanity, and if he would have let me I'd have had a cleaner too. Tough if you can't manage that, but think about lowering your standards, too. My house gets vacuumed maybe once every three weeks. We're all still alive.

Most of all good luck, glad you still feel the love for your man, it will get better. Maybe not all that soon with another on the way, but it will, you know.

thanks everyone i had a long chat with hubby last night, i dont think he really fully realised how unhappy i was becoming, though i made sure to point out it wasnt him in himself that was making me unhappy just the situations, and that i was probably anemic too which wouldnt be helping. He put the kids to bed last night whilst i had a bath and cooked dinner, then we both tidied up a bit and watched a dvd. He has promised most importantly to help me at the weekend with the house, as normally he doesnt lift a finger and expects to be out all day doing things, so i get left with a destroyed house to sort come monday.

The kids didnt get up at all last night, we didnt do anything different at all, or seperate them, but if they start up again i have agreed it will be best to keep the seperated at night too.

He asked me if i wanted to get rid of the dog and i just said to him, the kids are hard work too, shall i get rid of them? In other words, the dog is not an option. I told him i didnt mind looking after her too the only thing i did mind was beng expected to walk her late at night at 26 weeks pregnant, when he could do it, as i walk her in the day. He agreed to do that from now on.

so hopefully we have made some progress, we will see!

Well done - sounds like you managed to have an important discussion without resorting to seeming to be blaming him for everything (which can be difficult).

Thats brilliant JAG!

Fingers crossed he sticks to his half of the bargain.