Signs your husband hates you

[Tinkerbell98]

How can someone tell if their husband hates them? Are there certain behaviours or signs that show they don’t love you anymore? Thanks

I could list so many from my own experience. The time I fell on an early morning run and badly cut my face and hands. He just looked at me, was annoyed I'd woken him, and told me I needed to clean myself up. The time he got a chocolate cake on my birthday and said he knew I didn't like chocolate cake but him and the kids did. Indifference is a killer.

There is a huge difference between indifference, not loving someone anymore and actual hate. The woman in Australia who murdered her in laws and tried to murder her husband (mentioned up thread) clearly hated them.
I see lots of older couples where the wife never stops getting at her husband. Everything becomes a tell off. They appear to be genuinely devastated when the husband finally leaves.
A lot of women confide in friends and their mothers. I remember a thread on here where a poster was embarrassed that she had told her friend how rubbish he was at sex and the friend had a go at the husband. The overwhelming feeling on here was that it was his fault. Most women won't tolerate for a second their husbands talking about them to any one else.
I see in real life and read on here the large number of women who hate their partners and husbands. You only have to read the huge number of ick threads on Mumsnet.
No fault divorce is available to any one in the UK who, for whatever reason, no longer loves or likes their partners.
No one should stay in a relationship where dislike is the dominant emotion.

Urinating into a bath suggests toxic hatred, not indifference.

Hope he’s your EX now!

A female at my (ex)H's workplace was making sundresses one summer to earn a bit of extra cash. They had broad shoulder straps and were cotton, and straight up and down.
She made them from offcuts she got off a market.
(ex) H asked me if I wanted one. I asked what colour were they? He said most colours. So I said OK, any colour except brown and not spots.
When a dress arrived, it was brown spotted.
To this day I have never been able to work out if it was stupidity, him not listening or plain spite.🤔

Exactly this I believe it all comes down to their childhood

He should be for this one alone When I used some make up he said it was like putting parsley on a turd.😮

Sadly not.

I made some very bad decisions and I'm completely trapped.

It isn't awful all the time, and I'm good at making the best of it. But it does eat away at my soul, I am not the person I was.

OP you can’t continue like this-it will destroy you! He is abusing you. What is stopping you leaving him? Children? Finance?

I know, and it is better since I know.

I used to think it was me, and that I deserved it, but I know now that no matter what he says or how he acts it isn't me that is broken.

Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, or that I don't do things to cope that aren't healthy for me, but it feels like pin pricks now, when it used to feel like slashing. (I hope that makes sense. He is never physical)

Finances mainly, children too, but it is the finance that makes it impossible - I would have less than nothing if I left, and I won't do that to the children - we would be homeless and I've seen the sort of places you end up. There are worse things than a husband that hates you, and I know that from the outside that is hard to understand.

I don't think he will leave me, but I hope he will as that would end my situation and I don't have any luck with the lottery. The only real freedom will be the death of one of us.

Sorry, I think that message was for OP.

Op sorry for taking over your thread, it just hit me hard last night and I just started talking and not stopping.

Please leave if there’s multiple signs of hate. This is not a good relationship where you’re chasing crumbs of love. Hateful things cancel out the lovely things and your MH will suffer.

Yes but you also get long-term couples who are completely in sync and calm and happy. When you talk to them they clearly love and respect each other. It's long-term experience of happiness and sometimes the outcome is less overtly demonstrative - they just seem aligned, content. Just another type of couple.

My ex really wanted to believe he was a nice guy but was an absolute dick to me. It manifested in anything that I didn't agree with him on becoming a massive problem that he couldn't get over: we went round and round in circles and even when he was clearly wrong, he couldn't take it. Everything that he could paint as a problem, he did...but he didn't directly tell me horrible things about myself, it was more stuff you could plausibly disagree on but to do so with the frequency, extent and intensity he did with me revealed how much he disliked me. I have so much peace no he's gone.

I have one to add.

When they make a bit thing in front of groups of friends of asking your permission to do things, when he'd never do so (and never need to) without an audience.

At the pub - "Am I allowed another drink?"; at a wedding - "Am I allowed to go and dance?"; when his mate calls round - "am I allowed to go to the football?" etc.

Initially when it happens, you just get a bit confused. Like, why are you asking me? I'm not your boss, you can do whatever you want! Why would I mind? But of course, he's not really asking you - it's a show for his mates. Because he's been badmouthing you to them, and this is his 'evidence' that you're an evil controlling witch. So when he treats you badly, or cheats, his mates will take his side and be understanding. It'll be "you deserve to be happy, and she's awful", rather than "dude, that's messed up, what are you doing?"

Took me an embarrassingly long time to see this one, but once you notice it it's so obvious. Such a red flag.

Ladies, if any man does this to you, he doesn't like you. He's feeling resentful and contemptuous for whatever reason and will almost certainly cheat, but he's a coward who's playing the long game because he can't bear to be seen as the bad guy. Pip him to the post and LTB.

I'm sad reading this thread. Humans are meant to love each other. There's nothing to be gained from being horrible to someone. If it isn't for you then leave.

I totally agree

Some of these are really extreme so sorry to hear so many going through such hard times. I wonder if they were always so nasty deep down & hid it at first or they have changed into monsters over time.

It is. Mine was turning on absolutely anything I disagreed with him light heartedly, making it into a huge drama, shouting at me, telling me to fuck pff until I could be ‘nice’ to him, never ever apologising. God am I ever glad I binned that trash!

A few weeks before I ended my marriage, I had went to bed before him as always. I was having a horrible dream about a spider nesting in my hair, so I sat up half asleep to try and wake myself fully up. He was lying beside me and snarled “lie fucking down”. I remember thinking really clearly he absolutely fucking hates me. The hatred in his voice spiked my adrenaline and I lay awake the rest of the night thinking about how I was going to get out.

He had never spoken to me when I was awake like that. I am a heavy sleeper and have been known to mumble a few words while asleep and never remember in the morning. I think he thought I was vulnerable and wouldn’t remember but you wouldn’t even speak to a dog the way he spoke to his own wife after she’d had a bad dream. I remember thats when I actually started being scared of what he was capable of. He was already a sexually coercive creep who was emotionally abusive and had tried to pressurise me to sleep with other guys which I categorically refused. With the Pelicot case in the news at the time, I began to consider that if I stayed I may end up in a similar situation.

When I ended it, he spent loads of time trying to convince me to take him back. I told him that I remembered how he spoke to me that night and he burst into poor me tears. Every day I am grateful to be free of him.