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Husband never want sex!!!

56 replies

AuDHDer · 03/11/2026 22:35

So this isn’t anything new really and has been like this for years but it is slowly grinding me down to question whether he’s ever really wanted me. Before meeting, my husband had been single for about 7 years and basically had given up on ever finding someone until I came along.

Fast forward 11 years and I have constantly had issues with him not wanting to have sex. He comes up with excuses to not even after, during the day, saying that he would be game that night. Then when it gets to the evening he doesn’t want to anymore. He rarely comes to bed with me or makes it up before midnight and opts to watch something on tv or go on his PlayStation than spend time with me.

Before anyone suggests trying things like doing it on the sofa or whatever, he won’t. I’ve tried and he won’t do that. He also won’t have sex if either of us is even a slight bit tipsy. I could and have walked past the tv naked to get his attention and have been told to get out of the way. He has no interest in sex in the morning, daytime or evening.

If I dare mention that he doesn’t love me, find me attractive or a turn on I am called stupid but I feel I have every right to question it when he shows no interest in me . . . Ever.

It happened again today. I said a dirty joke in response to something he had said. He responds by saying he’d be game later once our son was in bed. Son in bed, all chores done, nothing in our way, I try to connect with him and he wasn’t interested anymore.

What am I meant to do?

OP posts:
GentlemanJay · 04/11/2026 21:39

I’ve been there bloody soul destroying. With hindsight I would have given my wife a firm.

We either have an active sex life. We split up. I look elsewhere but don’t rub it in your face.

It all came tumbling down eventually anyway. The “ultimatum” would have saved a lot of unhappiness.

Prycejosh1987 · 04/11/2026 21:41

You got to put him in the mood sister.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 04/11/2026 21:43

Is he having an affair?

GentlemanJay · 04/11/2026 21:43

MidsummerMadness91 · 04/11/2026 00:31

My friend had this with his partner. In the end (after many years) he accepted he had nothing to lose by being blunt. He sat her down, and basically said we haven't had sex for X years. I'm not willing to accept celibacy for the rest of my life so let's discuss what our future looks like. Is it
A) We have a sex life together (preferred, but needs to be consistent, long term change, not a quick flurry and dies off again)
B) We open up the marriage
C) Divorce

Avoidant people only face up to something when they're backed into a corner. But you have to be prepared to follow through.

Edited

Exactly this. If you don’t get it out in the open. One day you will wish you had.

SaySomethingMan · 04/11/2026 21:45

AuDHDer · 04/11/2026 14:06

Oh I did not know this, he’s been on it for about a year

it will most likely be the ED, and he’s embarrassed about it.

MidsummerMadness91 · 05/11/2026 11:22

AlmostAnUnderAchiever · 04/11/2026 19:01

What was the outcome @MidsummerMadness91 ?

She said let's work on it, and it did improve for a while but then slipped back into old habits after about 6 months. So he followed through and left. They didn't have kids though so fully accept it's easier to walk away.

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