Help me

[mazma]

If you found out about someone’s past about domestic violence what would you do if that person doesn’t do it anymore? Can’t disclose much.

I’d run like the wind.

I don't understand this thinking.

Your priority should be the immediate safety and happiness of you and your child, not your next relationship!

There are worse things than being forever single you know. Being married to a violent arsehole is one of them.

i don’t own anything but my parents happily would welcome me back. We were planning to buy a house but he left his permanent job after one month cos of time fraud! He always been a contractor but that’s not stable enough for a MORGAGE!

You could be considered to be putting your child at risk by staying with a man who’s showed signs. Sorry, but that’s one of the reasons I left my abusive ex-husband. There are far worse ways to live than being a single parent.

Also I have a child, if I leave what if he wants to see child or fight for the child?

Go to your parents. Don’t look back.

He's going to destroy your self-esteem if you stay, probably has done quite a lot of damage to it already.

Please understand the car seat episode isn't about any mistakes of yours or car seats, he's doing this to put you down, undermine your confidence, and gaslight you. He's doing it in front of his family for the same reason. If he'd changed, he wouldn't be doing anything like this.

See a good family law solicitor. I’d stay with your parents if I were you.

So... he does still commit DV then?

Talk to your mum and dad and a solicitor.

Tell your parents everything
ask for their help

My parents are too gullible , they are so confused and simple people. I will have to talk to family law

You do not need to respond to his messages. You do not owe him justifications for your behaviour. He has clearly already got you in a position where you think you need to pacify him. The signs are not good here.

I’m so sorry you are in this situation.

Are you in the UK?

Your priority now has to be getting away from this person and keeping you, and your children, safe. It’s great your parents can give you a place to live.

If you are safe you can then raise your kids in a safe place.

if you applied for a police disclosure against this man, and they made one, then … no, he is not going to change.

It is much better to be single for ever than live with an abuser. You can also break the chain. If you stay with him, your children may grow up to be abusers, which would be awful.

I always wondered why would they want to do this? I’m not replying and he is stubborn and would not let anything go! He just sent me 20 messages explaining I’m a narcissist lol

i am guessing; but if you are south Asian, I can strongly recommend Southall Black Sisters, a brilliant organisation for Indian, Bangladeshi, Pakistani and Afghan women who are being abused.

Keep the messages as evidence of his controlling behaviour. Remember coercive control is a crime. You do not need to answer his messages.

This is harassment. And likely DARVO-type behaviour.

Girl why are you fretting about a new man already?!? You need to leave the one you already have-immediately.

@mazma I don’t think you are safe with this man, you did a Claire’s Law for a reason.

What led you to do Claire 's Law?

Trust your gut.

There is no point arguing with him or responding to his messages and accusations if you decide to leave him.

Keep all the messages. He’s abusing you. If you go back to him, that’s giving him the nod that you will accept more and more abuse.

Leave, block him and start divorce proceedings. You absolutely can do this. There are abuse organisations that can help and support you. If you stay, you will end up being another entry on his Clare's list.

I’ve already been hit and didn’t know better