Asked him to pay his half. Why so moody?

[thecallforreparations]

Been together 4 years. We don’t live together, LDR he’s in a different country where I have a house.

He came here for 2 weeks and I suggested a weekend break. He said yes, I paid for flights & hotel on the understanding he’d get the meals. On arrival, we did dinner with mutual friends who live in this place, he didn’t budge when the bill arrived so I paid. Day 2 I got most things. In the evening he got dinner. Day 3 he did pay for us to see a landmark that afternoon but I organised and paid for dinner which was in a special place, which he enjoyed very much.

I got all petrol, paid for parking at airport, etc and during his stay at my house paid for various special food shops & a trip to London, train tickets and dinner.

So he’s gone to his place now and brags to all about this trip. But didn’t credit me, or treat me with much affection, all a bit routine & half hearted.

Given the lack of credit, affection, and coughing up his share, I suggested he even up and pay his half of the main part of the trip, so his flight & hotel stay. It was was a few hundred quid. He finally did so late this evening, but refused to speak to me, claimed he was so tired from making the transaction. Very moody over it. First I felt too guilty to ask for the cash but the more I reflected and the worse he treated me, the more it seemed disrespectful. Then I felt irritated, then resentful, and now I’m annoyed. Why shouldn’t he pay his way, with good grace? Must he huff and puff every time?

For the record, he has no kids, no ex spouses, owns his house & car, earns ok. I do earn more than him but work longer hours in a profession thst I trained a long time for, and I pay for everything myself, my house, bills, dcs. it was also my birthday and he didn’t buy any gift.

Help me to think this through. Was I unreasonable in asking him to cough up his share? I don’t want a kept man, and it’s not like we are married.

Previously went on a long haul holiday & he did pay me his ticket & hotel but I got all meals and trips once over there.

@thecallforreparations what happens if you stop paying for flights? What is the probability that he will fly out here to see you on his own steam?

I am no fan of this man and stated my views upthread but just want to say I believe he paid for his flights from his country to see OP.

OP, correct me if I’m wrong here but I think when OP said she paid for flights she meant the flights for the weekend break they went on while he was over.

This. The honeymoon period is over and you are seeing the real him. He's just tight. He knows you earn more and knows you will pay if he looks the other way.

why would there be a next time with him. he's a dick. get rid asap. imagine in 20 years time your daughter telling this story about her boyfriend. what's your advice. he doesn't like you or respect you. he's being moody to teach you a lesson

Stop trying to find some good points to cling on to op. Dump him and raise your standards.

The fact that it was your birthday and he got no gift is bad enough. But the tightness over everything else would be the nail in the coffin for me.

You’re doing a lot of work to try and find a justification for his behaviour. Ask yourself why you’re doing this.

he’s “loyal” and does some DIY?

get a dog. and hire an odd job man.

@thecallforreparations does he actually make you happy?

Sadly, you are describing an entitled, ungrateful, sponging, tight git. Why woukd you put up woth it?

I think you have to ask yourself if he would buy his own tickets to visit. If he wanted to.see you enough, he would. From all you have said you're his meal ticket and presumably fwb too.

Throw him back in the pond. He's no Prince.

Spend your money on yourself; don't settle because you think having a bloke is better than not having a bloke.

OP you deserve someone who will give you his last penny.
Historically I have been the bigger earner but my husband never asked for anything.
I'm now unwell and he works even harder to make up the shortfall. That's how a long relationship should be.
I think you need to call him out on it or end the relationship. Perhaps he's being nasty as he's too chicken to end things. Lots of men do this so they don't have to make a decision.

No, it’s not anxiety, OP. He’s a tight arse, as he freely admitted to you from the start with the ‘no presents’ thing, and which you acknowledge and choose to tolerate.

People who fixate and obsess about every penny spent are constantly making micro-calculations in every aspect of their lives. They love nothing more than skinning other people or getting away with not paying - sitting in a round at the pub all night then concocting an emergency so they can leave just as it’s their turn to get one in; suggesting a bill split and waiting for everyone else to order pasta and soft drinks before asking for steak and a bottle of wine for themselves; asking for lifts the whole time rather than organising their own transport ‘because it’s not far out of your way’; having a regular lunch date where you each pay for alternate weeks, except on their week they always forget their wallet, or don’t feel hungry.

Far from considering themselves cheeky fuckers, they get a sense of glee and of ‘winning’ when they’re able to rinse their family and friends. It’s nothing to do with how much money a person has, it’s totally pathological.

He thought he’d got away with paying nothing at all for the weekend. Not having to put his hand in his pocket at all was a big win. He was very happy about it, hence all the crowing to his mates. Then you surprised him by calling him out on it and he’s furious. It’s very psychologically confronting because not only have you burst the bubble of his little tight arse high, he now needs to find a way of wriggling out of your perfectly reasonable request - or at least find an acceptable way of paying as little as possible.

How anyone could be romantically interested in a man like this is beyond me.

Why was he so moody?

He was/is moody when he has to put his hand in his pocket because his objective being with you is to gain and take advantage. He will have felt mighty pleased with himself for the weekend you paid for, so you asking for his half really pissed him off as he doesn't think he has to pay for anything beyond the odd token thing - to keep you sweet.

This isn't a good relationship OP. He is taking from you and effectively, your DC. I would never be in a relationship at my age, with DC to support, where a man was financially gaining from me.

You are probably bound by history and a lifetime of knowing him, which will blur your perspective. I would end it @thecallforreparations , you deserve far better than this cockroach.

OP there's no great mystery to why he's moody. He's tight. He made (a bit of) an effort in the early days but now he's stopped. He's aware enough that if he shows who he is from the start he'll get nowhere. This is the real him.

Like a lot of people who are tight, he hates spending his own money but is happy for others to spend their money on him and enjoy the benefits of that. Because you forced him to cough up he's annoyed at you. So he's giving you the silent treatment. (I can actually believe that having to log on and send you the money caused him stress.)

He's not going to change. Ignore any other good points you think he has. Can you carry on in a relationship where he behaves like this?

The only unreasonable thing here is you not dumping him. It sounds an awful relationship.
He's sulking because you're trying to hold him to account. The mood is emotional abuse so you learn not to expect him to behave decently in the future.