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Why did he ghost when sex was on the table

77 replies

enkelt2 · 28/10/2026 20:04

Ok so this is a bit of an anecdote inspired by the other 'ghosting' threads. Just for entertainment really. I've (more or less) moved on but would like some perspective on what probably really happened! It's fairly long just bear with me...

So one day I just really wanted a casual night out. Went on hinge and matched with a guy 10 years my junior (I'm 33). He quickly suggested taking it to whatsapp. He texted with xx's and was quite friendly. We set up a date (in a cocktail bar), and whilst the texting wasn't sexual, it was pretty clear we were going for an ONS. He was coming to my city for a conference only, and would otherwise be about 2 hours away.

About 2 hours before the date, he suggested if I wanted to meet in his hotel lobby instead 'if it's going to be casual'. I said no, I would like to meet in the bar. So we still met in the bar. We chatted for 2-3 hours and had a couple of drinks and went back to his hotel.

Well, we ended up not having sex cuz neither of us had any condoms. Just made out. I left his hotel, then we both texted something like 'what a shame' 'when we're next near each other's city we should meet up'.

About a couple of weeks after, I was planning on going to his city so I asked him out for a Friday night meet up. I said food/drinks. He replied quickly and said he'd look for a place. He picked a nice cocktail bar.

I walked into the date (this time bringing condoms!!) thinking we'll definitely do it. We ended up talking for 3 hours (7-10pm)... and quite a good conversation too. We talked about life values, our perspective on marriage/love (we don't believe in it), travel stories, some UK politics, etc. He drove most of the topics forward and I was thinking... will we ever get to do it lol. Also after our meal there was a natural window to leave but he started ordering a cocktail. So we talked and drank some more.

Then his brother called. Apparently he got stranded with his car in the middle of nowhere. Something about the tire suspension. He showed me the calling screen while the brother rang. He started doing the maths aloud... getting to his brother would be 20 minutes, sorting out the car another 30, then coming back to my hotel would be 20, etc. He looked genuinely torn but I told him he gotta go help his brother.

So he drove me back to the hotel and he said, well, I might call you later if the situation got sorted early. I said, Well, I'm still here tomorrow if you're free.

It was near midnight and I was getting sleepy so I texted him, thanking him for dinner, and I'm going to sleep but I'm around tomorrow.

Next day, Saturday, he didn't reply until 2pm. He said, he ended up going home after midnight. He didn't take up the thread on me still being in his city.

Well, obviously we didn't see each other again. Then about a week after that, I asked him if he wanted to meet up as I'm going to his city. He just never replied.

I thought it's odd that he didn't take up the opportunity to meet up the next day, when sex was clearly on the table (as it's kinda an unfinished business from the night before). Or the next time when I invited him and I was gonna go to his city. I don't think I give off 'wanting serious relationship vibe' as we never texted in between!!

Anyway, apart from 'he's just not that into you'... what do you think is going on??

I already blocked him but it's still a mystery...

OP posts:
BibbityBoppityTwo · 28/10/2026 20:53

It was 100% a fake emergency phone call from his brother! For whatever reason, he changed his mind.

Queenmax · 28/10/2026 20:53

Don’t take it personally OP. I’ve had men literally all over me, pursue me intensely, then ghost me. It’s what they do 🤷‍♀️

QuirkyHorse · 28/10/2026 20:56

Did he drink drive to his brother?

itsnearly2027 · 28/10/2026 20:56

Totally off topic, but what does ‘making out’ consist of? Kissing?

enkelt2 · 28/10/2026 20:59

itsnearly2027 · 28/10/2026 20:56

Totally off topic, but what does ‘making out’ consist of? Kissing?

well basically everything except sex in this case.. I dunno, what's the correct English to describe this😂

OP posts:
Idayatatime · 28/10/2026 21:06

I'm busy but can't wait to add my thoughts here Op,I'll read it later

Ubugly · 28/10/2026 21:08

Maybe he got a booty call from another girl, still wierd behaviour tbh but I do not believe the brother story, surely he was pretty tipsy and couldn't drive?

Moros · 28/10/2026 21:10

Queenmax · 28/10/2026 20:53

Don’t take it personally OP. I’ve had men literally all over me, pursue me intensely, then ghost me. It’s what they do 🤷‍♀️

I have to say that if I had multiple people pursue me and then ghost me once they got to know me better I'd inevitably start to wonder if it's more of a "me" thing than a "them" thing.

Goditsmemargaret · 28/10/2026 21:49

How did he drive if you'd both spent the evening drinking?

itsnearly2027 · 28/10/2026 22:02

enkelt2 · 28/10/2026 20:59

well basically everything except sex in this case.. I dunno, what's the correct English to describe this😂

So you were intimate? Like, he had an orgasm I take it?

That makes it all odd as he met up again?

I don’t think you’ll ever know.

enkelt2 · 28/10/2026 22:08

itsnearly2027 · 28/10/2026 22:02

So you were intimate? Like, he had an orgasm I take it?

That makes it all odd as he met up again?

I don’t think you’ll ever know.

yea we were intimate. So yea maybe he had more to drink the first time but didn't fancy me that much/at all.

OP posts:
Idayatatime · 28/10/2026 22:09

enkelt2 · 28/10/2026 20:30

what's wrong with 'make out'??? but you're right, I didn't grow up in England

As a woman this expression is enough to make me run for the hills. All I would be able to think about is how many men have inserted his unprotected manhood into a woman who offered the same. Yes,condoms can protect both yet the amount of times I've read about the man losing an erection then passing on an STD is enough to make me love 'comes' first ❤️

Kulwinder54 · 28/10/2026 22:18

What a lot of hard work just to try and get a shag! Surely with all the online options it must be easier than that

GarlicNothing · 28/10/2026 22:19

I'd have assumed he's got something (someone) else going on. Or maybe just decided you aren't his type after all. Or even hates condoms so much that he can't be arsed with a woman who insists on them. None of us really knows, and it doesn't matter anyway. Happy hunting!

Queenmax · 28/10/2026 22:51

Moros · 28/10/2026 21:10

I have to say that if I had multiple people pursue me and then ghost me once they got to know me better I'd inevitably start to wonder if it's more of a "me" thing than a "them" thing.

Have you tried dating in 2026? Men are mostly out to get one thing.

Moros · 28/10/2026 23:02

As was the OP, of course.

Nevertheless I don't see that that changes what I said - if multiple people meet me then ghost me so frequently that I notice it as a trend, I'm inevitably going to start wondering if it's something to do with me rather than something to do with all of them.

I don't know about you but I tend to be quite introspective and so I'm open to the idea that I may not be as perfect and delightful as I may otherwise assume.

Modernschooling · 28/10/2026 23:03

enkelt2 · 28/10/2026 20:59

well basically everything except sex in this case.. I dunno, what's the correct English to describe this😂

I’d say the British version is “getting off” with each other. I’ve only heard of “making out@ as something American teens do ie bit of kissing and touching each other up.
As adults it’s foreplay maybe? As in “we didn’t get beyond the foreplay”

Queenmax · 28/10/2026 23:05

Moros · 28/10/2026 23:02

As was the OP, of course.

Nevertheless I don't see that that changes what I said - if multiple people meet me then ghost me so frequently that I notice it as a trend, I'm inevitably going to start wondering if it's something to do with me rather than something to do with all of them.

I don't know about you but I tend to be quite introspective and so I'm open to the idea that I may not be as perfect and delightful as I may otherwise assume.

Sad

Moros · 28/10/2026 23:07

Queenmax · 28/10/2026 23:05

Sad

It's sad to realise that you may not be perfect? I'd say that was realistic and healthy. To assume that everyone else is wrong but that you're right is downright delusional. But you do you.

LucyFreyaUrquhartDixon · 28/10/2026 23:07

I'm still trying to deal with the drink 🍻 driving at this point ...

VoltaireMittyDream · 28/10/2026 23:10

Surely he’s married?

enkelt2 · 28/10/2026 23:11

LucyFreyaUrquhartDixon · 28/10/2026 23:07

I'm still trying to deal with the drink 🍻 driving at this point ...

yea I now realised it's not great
anyway I now think he probably just changed his mind and/or got the ick and therefore the fake call and/or real emergency call but wasn't up for further meeting. also probably too much effort to sustain for him so just gave up.

OP posts:
Queenmax · 28/10/2026 23:14

Moros · 28/10/2026 23:07

It's sad to realise that you may not be perfect? I'd say that was realistic and healthy. To assume that everyone else is wrong but that you're right is downright delusional. But you do you.

Yes because I’ve come on here to claim I’m perfect. What an odd assumption to make.

No, sad because you’d question yourself over men who are out to get sex, and who often pretend they’re looking for a relationship, only to ghost once they’ve had the sex or know they’re not going to get it.

This is an extremely common dating experience for countless women now.

Now the OP was different- she also wanted a ONS. But it’s the sad reality, ghosting is common.

Each to their own, as you put it

Smallestshadow · 28/10/2026 23:33

Was he drinking and driving? Why did you insist on meeting for food etc the first time? Why didn’t you go to an all night Spar/Tesco Express type shop for some condoms?

enkelt2 · 28/10/2026 23:38

Smallestshadow · 28/10/2026 23:33

Was he drinking and driving? Why did you insist on meeting for food etc the first time? Why didn’t you go to an all night Spar/Tesco Express type shop for some condoms?

oh the first time we didn't get food, just drinks. I just didn't want to go straight to the hotel lobby, it didn't feel public enough? and yes he was drniking and driving

OP posts:
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