Partner wants me to earn more money

[DaryJoppins]

Partner joked yesterday that I am not earning enough and need to look at other income streams. We own a C17th cottahe that we love but needs constant expensive repairs and we aren’t able to sell yet. He earns £60k and I’m on £30k (I work 4 days a week) and our child is in nursery 4 days a week costing us a fortune. 5 days would wipe out the extra earnings if I went FT but also I think it is enough for our little one (2yo). I cherish my day off with him, it is my absolute favourite time and so precious. I was made redundant after I returned from mat leave from a high salary and now I’m on lower money. I’m a chartered professional with an MA so it’s not like I’m being completely unambiguous and lazy but I had to take a step back because of childcare. We live away from London so salaries are lower and jobs are competitive. When not working I do a few hours freelance too (social media and PR) and then I do the majority of the childcare & ALL meals (OH doesn’t lift a finger in the kitchen). I make sure his clothes are washed and our child is clean and dressed. He works very long hours but doesn’t seem to appreciate he is able to do that because I support him and make sure when he finishes a hot meal is ready and his packed lunch is ready and the food shop is done etc.

He grew up in Portugal with working parents and his mum earned more but they had grandparents doing all the extra childcare. We don’t have anyone around to help. I work my *rse off but he constantly acts like I’m lazy simply because I don’t earn enough. He jokes recently that whatever I do he’ll find fault. I do get child benefit and it helps a lot particularly now petrol is so high because it arrives halfway height the pay month. I do have a bit of a Vinted addiction (and sell on there too) but we don’t go out to the pub, restaurants, have big holidays and I always buy secondhand. Any money just seems to get sucked up on credit card debit or paying to get the house mended. OH is a scientist - PhD and high up in his field. He works for the government so pay isn’t as good as in the private sector where he could earn a lot more but it is secure and good pension etc.

I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m going to burn myself into the ground if I take on an extra job working nights or at the weekend. Has anyone had any luck earning proper money with any of those schemes such as selling
printed items on Etsy or AI videos on YouTube?

A solution to this might be having a longer term plan.

Right now, I can see why you might want to stay in a lower pressure job with less hours - but what might you do once your child is at school for example?

That might alleviate his concerns a bit.

It’s a lot of pressure being the breadwinner.

Can you confirm if you're married OP?

I'm married and wouldn't tolerate this from my husband, but reducing hours whilst doing all the housework is an even worse idea when you don't have even the legal protections that come with being the lower earner in a marriage.

How dare he! I would do up a list of all household chores and childcare and ask him which half he will be doing on your 4 work days, and every day once you go back full time. I would also make it clear to him that your workload would be reduced if he wasn't around. What a dickhead!

There was a joke notice at work:
Nobody notices my job - until I don't do it.
But for you it is not a joke. I realise that.
As others say, stop being his handmaiden!

Ahahah I'd go further and just demonstrate. Stop doing all those things immediately and let him figure it out. If she earned as much as him then she wouldn't have time for it anyway.

I suspect he is projecting / gaslighting her because he realises he does fuck all and wants to remind her that he pays for the right to do fuck all. Which he doesn't.

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofNoUpdates/comments/1fzfas1/i_am_m34_and_my_wife_is_f29_she_has_asked_me_to/

This is the link. She was amazing (but I don't believe there was ever an update - so I hope she stayed amazing)

Id be telling him to get fucked. Tell him its his job to provide for his family. Why isnt he earning more?

So many mumsnetters solution is to just leave. It is not always as easy to just leave. That being said I agree with you he doesn't sound like a partner at all.

OP I think you should show him your post because you have clearly and eloquently explained your contributions to him. If he still doesn't get it,then stop doing his lunches and washing and dinners. If he was single he would have to do it all himself or pay someone to do it. You can leave or you can quietly quit and ignore his moaning and harrassment.

I’d be getting out of this relationship. He’s benefitting from your unpaid labour

Your post is all wrong op. Your ‘partner’ is absolutely fucking awful. Off the charts a horrible man. And yet your post is all about what can you do to be better. For fucks sake. If my dds ever have a ‘partner’ like this, I would be absolutely devastated. Op, you are so much better than him. Leave him and learn that.

Tell your partner you’ll work on Saturdays to avoid nursery fees and in return he can look after your 2 year old on Saturdays and do 50% of all cooking and chores from now on. Then watch him run screaming into the distance. Nasty, entitled, selfish man.

I’d be thinking long and hard about your relationship with a view to getting out of it. You’d be better off with your child on your own.

You’re basically doing all the work for no cooperation or teamwork from him. He has you where he wants you. Would also sell the cottage going forwards as it’s a money pit.

This is what I read it as, this is a very qualified skilled woman, in a job paying 30k, who used to be in a much higher paying role, so his suggestion is she takes on a higher paying role, not work more,

so I don’t get why she thinks he is requesting she stays in her current low paid role and does a second job, and why everyone else thinks that too, as she’s not clarified,

This. You can sell it to him on the grounds that it won't cost any extra in nursery fees. I suspect he won't agree though ...

Log the hours you spend cooking, cleaning, doing childcare etc. And then bill your parter for all the extra work you're doing at home. You'll be surprised how much money you're actually making.

Stop the hot meals,
Stop washing his clothes
Stop doing a majority of the housework

As another poster suggested , get a Saturday job and let him look after your dc. He doesn’t understand or chooses not to understand that you are facilitating his lifestyle .

I don’t really see how you both aren’t aware that you contribute an absolute fuck tonne more than him, and so didn’t tell him to fuck off, how dare he suggest you’re lazy! I mean, come the fuck on. You work 28 hours a week, plus a few more freelance, you do all the cooking so plus 10 hours, all the laundry for 3, so plus another 5, solo childcare for a day so plus another 12, more solo childcare each day cos he’s out at work/commute, so plus say 20 hours, his fucking pack lunch (wtaf), solo cleaning of the kitchen so plus 5 hours - where am I up to - 85 hours…is that how many he does? If so, you both need to reevaluate your lives. If not, then find some anger op, because he is shitting all over you and you’re just taking it and wondering how you can do more. That arsehole hasn’t even given you the protection of marriage.

His 60k isn’t that much, tell him that. Tell him that a proper man could take care of his family. Then leave his poor arse. Now, I obviously don’t believe what I just wrote but he needs a serious adjustment to his attitude.

I agree with the solution of working extra shifts on the weekend.

If he's in charge of cooking, childcare and housework on those days, he might start actually to appreciate what you do.

He sounds like a self-absorbed arsehole and you need to have a right go about him floating through family life with everything magically being done to make his life/career easier while demanding you do even more. And joking about it! FFS... I would not be putting up with that.

You are both working very long hours, him being paid more for more of his though.

With your qualifications you might be able to swap into a higher paid job for similar or even fewer ours and, thus, be better off financially. So I agree with your husband.

Keep your eye open for a better paid position but don't give up your precious and most enjoyable day with LO..

Don't let your DH call you lazy. Remind him what you contribute to the household in unpaid labour so that he can work his long hours.

Reconsider whether fixing up a 13 C cottage is being savvy in the long term quest of home ownership??

If you were on a high salary before redundancy, is it not possible to secure a similar job again now?

I can't imagine that you love earning significantly less than you did before, so a better paying job and keeping your 4 day week would be win - win?

He jokes recently that whatever I do he’ll find fault.

Did you jump down his stupid throat when this idiocy came out of his mouth or did you sit there like a lemon? He sounds awful but the way you’ve written this also makes it sound like you haven’t said a single thing in return or had a conversation about this. Start by pushing back hard when he “jokes” and having a discussion about this issue. Then if he’s still being an arsehole, leave him.

This is what I thought too. It does seem a waste of qualifications and experience for you to only be earning £30k.

The bubble has burst on youtube earnings Im afraid especially if your considering AI slop videos, they are demonitizing all those type of channels and the ciriteria for earning on normal channels is set to double in February.