Potential date revealed he punched an inmate

[solosunflowers]

I've been chatting to a man off Bumble.

He asked for a phone call, which we've had this evening. Spoke for about 1.5 hrs. Mixed feelings because conversation did flow, although I found him quite humourless. He then revealed that when he was a prison officer he ended up in court for punching an inmate in the face (inmate was biting him). End up getting not guilty because they inmate later broke another prison officer's nose and couldn't give evidence.

How would you feel about hearing this?

Nope. You said you're a bad judge of character so best avoid blokes entirely until your standards are sky high with zero tolerance for even a hint of being shit.

Consider if dating a father is ever in a woman's best interests, and if it will lead to a fun, easy dating life, or drudgery.

The lack of humour would be more concerning to me, if I can't have a laugh with them and feel at ease it's never going to work. Good call cancelling it.

Because you’ve said you’re poor a judge of character, I want to spell out why being humourless is a big issue. It’s one of the ways, as the physically weaker person, that we can de-escalate potential conflict and change the mood. It’s also a way to connect on a deeper level, because it helps us align our nervous systems, share frames of reference, etc. It’s one of the most important alignments for a successful relationship.

People can have very different senses of humour, and it’s not a moral or character judgement, but it is a very strong compatibility factor.

Hope you have better luck next time.

Of course, but she only has his account that this is what happened when it went to court. I'm just saying to be wary without being able to verify the info. He may have meant the case was not proceeded with because the inmate could not give evidence, in which case that could look quite different.

I’m assuming he thought she might google him and see press reports about the incident so wanted to get his version across first.
Or he thinks it’s a funny story to tell, who knows.
Either way, still a Hell No from me.

Noooooo!! Humourless, whatever! You shouldn’t be dating from what you’ve said. Get thee to therapy first, then go back on Bumble.

Why? You found him humourless. You say he mentioned he was a strict parent several times which is frankly odd. He’s not saying he loves his DC or how much he enjoys spending time with them, he’s just talking about discipline if they don’t do what he says.

None of this would make him an attractive option to me.

Another poster mentioned the really high bar that the CPS would have had to agree to prosecute.

The fact that they did take the case to Court means that they were satisfied he hadn’t stuck to procedures and they had confidence that they would secure a conviction. I doubt from what you’ve said that he was even being bitten.

Remember, you’ve had enough of a warning bell ringing in your head to make you come on here and question what’s going on, and that’s after one phone call.

That bell is ringing loud and clear and if you listen to it the it should keep you safe.

If you do decide to see him, I’d want his full name and be able to see his socials before you do and make sure you google him and also tell someone where you’re going and who with.

And this is your criteria for having a relationship with someone??

And if you do agree to see him, I’d expect the love bombing to start pretty much straightaway.

I work in prisons. I'd be concerned. Officers are given the benefit of the doubt, for it to go to court suggests something is amiss. They are also trained to use restraint techniques, punching is not one of these and is rarely appropriate (understatement).

Think he could be lying about his age, too. Looks so much older than 46

At work an older lady was becoming very confused & aggressively accusing myself & my colleague of wanting to ‘murder’ her.. then she actually bit my colleague! Which gave my colleague a shock.
So my colleague’s reaction was to step away from this lady quickly - rather than to hit out at her - and then we called for security assistance while the lady was distracted by destroying a filing cabinet….

If my colleague had pushed the lady or punched her in response to being bitten then she may have found herself in trouble. We are not restraint trained and so are taught that it’s always better to put some distance between yourself and the violent individual if possible.

This prison officer’s reaction, while it may be considered a natural response to being bitten, was not the response of a trained professional and that is why he ended up in court. I would definitely be quite wary of a man who is unable to control himself.

He sounds better with each update. You’re not seriously thinking of seeing him are you?

What if you were taught break away and restraint techniques? Would you still choose a punch?