End things now or after mini break?

[UndoRedo]

After four years seeing someone (not living together as have own kids and property etc), I've decided that he's not for me. He's a lovely guy but for the last year at least I've known I wouldn't want to ever live with him and it feels like there's no way for our relationship to progress further, although he would like it to.

We are different people, different needs in a relationship, etc etc.

Issue is, he booked us a mini break early in the year (he has a habit of buying tickets to things then then telling/asking me if I'm keen), and while this is something I've been looking forward to all year, I know my feelings have gotten to the point I'm sort of avoiding spending time with him. We need to have the conversation, but do I have it now and he goes off to this already paid for break by himself, or do we go together and I end things afterwards? It's an event which I think would be not as fun doing alone so I'd feel guilty making him go alone, but not sure I can play the happy couple?

I have raised issues before and we almost ended things in the New Year, but this is apparently who he is and I have tried to make it work for me.

I'm mid 50s, this could be my last relationship, but I think I'd rather be single and in peace.

Please do it now, everything else is unfair. He can then take a friend and have a good time without any of this poisoning the trip. Anything else is just pretense.

I hope you've ended it. The temper thing is a real red flag. I don't see why you should pay him half given he booked it without even checking with you, but if if makes things easier, give him the money.

He didn't ask whether you wanted to go in the first place, so he should have already entertained doing it alone as you could have said no. Don't put yourself out over a feeling of 'should', and it wouldn't be kind to either od you really.

Totally agree with this!

Bin him

You'd think but I started late !

He doesn't really have any

He's also bought tickets for something next Easter without asking me, but he can sell those on I suppose.

End it now - otherwise it’s just freeloading

Tbh I've paid for the hotel, he booked flights so it's not me free loading

Well that settles it.
Tell him before and don't go.
You don't want to be trapped in a hotel room with an angry man.

Also.. why did he have to be so nasty when you said your childcare had fallen through.

YOu don't want to be with him anymore so... don't be with him anymore.

Go on your own mini break with a friend who you can have fun with.

Oof, I wouldn't go, if your mind's made up.

End it now, OP, and accept that this is bad timing and that he will probably be really pissed off with you (do make sure you’re safe). It would be worse to end it afterwards. If he has no-one else to take, that’s probably his fault.

He sounds manipulative. Bin him.

Cancel the hotel

Just end if by text sounds like youre scare of him. He needs to go

Agree. He can find someone else to take, or see if he can reschedule it, or whatever. She didn't ask for it, so she doesn't owe him anything.

I'd end it. The mini-break isn't an important issue here. Many couples have far more complicated and expensive things to rearrange when they break up than a short vacation.

However, please be careful re his temper. As I'm sure you've heard, the most dangerous time is during or soon after a break-up. You might want to change locks and take other safeguards, break up over the phone and avoid being alone with him. Best wishes.

His temper won't be a problem for you once he is out of your life. Tell him now, it's more honest. If you dump him immediately after the trip, he will say with some justification that you have strung him along.

Now! And ask yourself why you’ve wasted this much time on a relationship you’ve known you weren’t enjoying for quite a while.