End things now or after mini break?

[UndoRedo]

After four years seeing someone (not living together as have own kids and property etc), I've decided that he's not for me. He's a lovely guy but for the last year at least I've known I wouldn't want to ever live with him and it feels like there's no way for our relationship to progress further, although he would like it to.

We are different people, different needs in a relationship, etc etc.

Issue is, he booked us a mini break early in the year (he has a habit of buying tickets to things then then telling/asking me if I'm keen), and while this is something I've been looking forward to all year, I know my feelings have gotten to the point I'm sort of avoiding spending time with him. We need to have the conversation, but do I have it now and he goes off to this already paid for break by himself, or do we go together and I end things afterwards? It's an event which I think would be not as fun doing alone so I'd feel guilty making him go alone, but not sure I can play the happy couple?

I have raised issues before and we almost ended things in the New Year, but this is apparently who he is and I have tried to make it work for me.

I'm mid 50s, this could be my last relationship, but I think I'd rather be single and in peace.

Why did you not immediately end it after this???

End it today and give him half the money.
Do not waste any more time on this relationship that isn’t working.
Life is way too short.

It's a good question. I'm not sure why.

Oh okay I don't like the temper thing. End it now. Pay him for your half of the hol. Don't go out with/stay with scary men in future. It's good that you're ending things.

End it today. I guarantee by tonight you will feel relieved

End it now. Since the trip is something he initiated and has done most of the planning I'd leave it up to him to decide if he cancels, goes alone, invites a friend, etc. You giving him the most possible notice is actually best from his perspective and most considerate. You probably have a good sense based on finances and how involved you were earlier on whether you should offer to reimburse him for your share if you haven't paid already, so offer what you're willing to give, if anything, and wrap it up promptly; don't get distracted.

What you should focus on now is ending things firmly and clearly, cutting ties with him, and staying firm about your decision regardless of how he reacts and whether he pursues you. Prepare to go through a period of mourning, less for the actual relationship as a whole than for what you thought it could have become and the "good" pieces that you'll miss, even just companionship. Persevere. Don't even consider getting back together with him unless the problems that led to the breakup are genuinely and permanently solved (and it doesn't sound like that's possible). The only way out of this is to get through the hard parts and move on, otherwise you'll keep being sucked into something you already KNOW is not right for you.

I'm surprised you didn't end it at that point.

End it now, move on, and plan to do whatever next weekend involved at a later date - in nicer company.

End it now, pay him your share, and move on - mid-50s is the prime of life!

End it now. You'll feel so much better. And yes, you should have ended it when he got furious over child care falling through.

Like @OneHazelBird I think end it now and give him half the money @UndoRedo

Be a bit awkward avoiding any physical contact on a mini break. End it!

I think it’s a bit shit of you to leave it until the week before a trip, when you could have done it ages ago and given him time to find someone else to go with.

It’s a shame you didn’t see the light when you thought your childcare had fallen through and ended it then, especially when you saw his angry reaction.

But what’s the point in dragging out the unhappy relationship for a weekend away, unless you really think you’d be fine with going? It sounds like you want to do it now?

Presumably you'll be having sex with him if you go away. I can feel the skin crawling off my body at the thought of having sex with someone I don't even like and don't want to go away with.

And if you don't, then what? Weird vibe all weekend and you mentioned he has a temper.

Couldn't be bothered with this, I'd just end it now.

It also seems a bit shit to take a free holiday from someone you're planning to dump straight after.

For both of your sakes I would end it before this mini break. It would not be fun.

End it with him now, don't even mention the mini break (that he booked without asking you!).

End it now. Going on the break would be giving him entirely the wrong idea. Sounds like you’ve ignored some really good opportunities to give him the heave ho already. As for paying him your half, I’m not so sure. It sounds like he booked this without your knowledge and presented you with a fait accompli, in which case I’m not sure you’re morally obliged to give him penny one. If he’s going to pull stuff like that then he needs to chalk any losses up.

End it now.
Last chrstimas/new year's eve i came to the realisation that I didnt want to be with a guy I was with then. It took me until April to leave but I left by getting all my stuff whilst he was oblivious and left because I had tried to leave before and was emotionally manipulated. If you have all your bits I would end it. It may suck but he can use the time away to also reflect. It doesn't mean you're both bad people, it means you're no longer aligned and your paths should go on. I'm happier now. The moment I left it no longer weighed on me heavily. It sucks a bit but not as much as staying and or enduring something. Look at it this way, you may even put yourself in an awkward situation be intimate with him because you're away but don't want too including other feelings of resentment you would haye yourself too for it. Just end it base

All I’ll say is that my (ex) DH went on a family holiday with me and the children, and ended things as soon as we got home. That nearly killed me. We’d had the most amazing holiday, felt like a new start to me, he’d blamed all the problems we’d had on work stress and away from that he was a different person. It felt like a second honeymoon. If he’d told me he was leaving before the holiday, I was half expecting it. It was the cruelest thing he could have done. End it now.

What will you do, go, have sex with him, act normal, and then bin him, is this your thought as that’s horrible, if it’s over end it,

If you’re mid 50’s surely your children are old enough to not need childcare?
also why ask the question at all, surely if you don’t want to be with him you know the answer is end it?

End right away dont go on the mini break as that will make him think everything ok best not to make to last any longer than it needs to be as its not fair on him or yourself as it will just be giving him hope when there isn't any then he can decide if he still wants to go on the mini break himself or not

Sorry I laughed a little at he’ll get arsey- on what planet does someone not ‘get arsey’ when they’re dumped?!

All the more reason to end it right now then.

Jesus, he’s not about to propose, is he??

Yeah, you’re allowed to be a bit put out when someone ends a relationship with you.

If he booked it without your agreement then it was always a risk he'd attend alone and that's not your problem. Definitely leave now that you know you want to. Anything else isn't fair.