Basically, me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 months, but I feel like he’s been controlling or is showing signs of how he might act in the future. I came on Reddit just to get lots of different opinions and advice about it.
I’m 18F (I recently turned 18), and he’s also 18M, so we’re still quite young. I’m also his first relationship, which is why I keep giving him chances because I know we’re both young and he’s never really been in a relationship before me.When we first got together, the first 2–3 months were great. I genuinely couldn’t see anything about him that upset me, unlike in my other relationships, so I thought things were going really well.
Then, I think around 4 months into the relationship, he broke up with me. He showed up at my door and said it was because of the Leon Kennedy poster I had on my wall. Yes, I love Resident Evil, and Leon is my favourite. However, before this, he had told me to uninterest TikToks of anime guys and Leon, and I did because I didn’t mind. To me, Leon is like when you see something really cool or a guy online for the first time and get obsessed with them for a few days or weeks. Then, a few years later, you see them again and think, “Yeah, he’s still attractive,” but you don’t really care that much anymore. That’s basically how I felt about Leon before me and my boyfriend even got together.
Before he broke up with me the first time, he told me he didn’t care about the Leon stuff, but then he used it as a reason to break up with me. We got back together because I wanted to save the relationship. He then said the actual reason we broke up was because he didn’t like himself or the way he looked, even though I told him I loved him and complimented him every day. Later on, when we were around 6 months into the relationship, another situation happened. Before this, he had told me to ask my sister to stop sending me TikToks of guys, like edits of them. I said, “Yeah, sure,” and I told her many times to stop.
However, I was watching the TikToks she had sent me while I was sitting next to him, and she sent me an edit of a guy. He broke up with me because he said I should have told her to stop, even though I explained that I had. He also said that if she didn’t stop, I should have stopped watching them altogether. We ended up getting back together the next day. Those were the first few situations that I started picking up on, but there have been more as well.
For example, I have piercings, and one day, a guy I had never met before walked past me in a shopping centre and said, “I like your piercings.” I just replied, “Thanks,” and was happy that someone had complimented me. I never said anything else to him, and I never saw him again. When I told my boyfriend about it because I was happy, he got upset with me and said I shouldn’t have said anything in the first place. We also had a big talk about drinking at pubs, clubbing and going to raves. At first, he told me he didn’t want me going drinking, clubbing or to raves without him. I said that was fine as long as the same rule applied to him, so we agreed.
However, a month or so later, his sister invited him to go to raves with her in the future. He then said to me, “By the way, you can go drinking with your sister occasionally because I want to go to raves with my sister.” This upset me because why is he only allowing me to do things when it’s convenient for him?
Since it was recently my birthday, I wore a cute, short skirt with built-in shorts and a top with sleeves that had lace detailing on the back and arms. He told me he didn’t want me to wear that outfit when I went drinking with my family (my mum, sisters and nan).
He kept getting upset because he could see my bra, so I changed my top. However, he still had a problem with my top because my shoulders were showing. He also didn’t want me to wear my birthday badge because he didn’t want guys coming up to me and saying “Happy birthday” or giving me attention.
Another thing that upsets me is that he posts Instagram stories of himself flexing with his shirt off, and he also posts TikToks doing the same thing. However, he got upset with me when I posted a TikTok with my top pulled up a little to show off my waist. He told me I couldn’t post things like that.
He said he only posts pictures and videos of himself with his shirt off to show his gym progress. I asked him, “Why can’t you just take pictures and not post them, then?” He will only let me take bikini pictures or show off my body if I’m going to the gym to show my progress. But for him, it’s okay because he goes to the gym?
I honestly don’t know if I’m valid for being upset about this, but to me, it seems controlling. Of course, I want to hear other people’s opinions because my family has told me it’s just because he’s insecure, but I don’t know.
I’d really appreciate hearing different perspectives on this. Am I overreacting, or are these signs of controlling behaviour? I know we’re both young, and he’s never been in a relationship before, so I want to be understanding, but I also don’t want to ignore red flags if there are any.