Do you think all wives should have a secret exit fund?

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You know those threads where something goes horribly wrong in a marriage and everyone suggests that the woman begins secretly putting money aside - just in case? Well, do you think we should all be doing that? Are those of us who are fortunate enough to have happy marriages being naive if we think that disaster will never hit our relationships? Or would the existence of an exit fund be a sign that the marriage isn't working?

Just interested, no problems at home. I find the threads where the h starts misbehaving after years of happy marriage so upsetting and worrying, that I just wonder if we should all be prepared.

I don't btw - !

I think people who have these KNOW deep down inside that things are not right.

I don't know how other people's finances work, obviously, but it would seem to me that if you have joint finances, putting money secretly in an account for your own use is stealing

I think an exit fund is useful - I wouldn't call it that - but an emergency fund
I've discussed it with dp, don't see the need to do it secretly
our thinking was that it would be very useful / comforting for me to have some money somewhere safe to draw on, if dp went round the twist or something similarly dreadful and unlikely
however we keep spending the money so we haven't done it very successfully yet

I have a joint account, no savings of my own, and we have to account for every penny due to me being a SAHM and dh being on a modest wage.
I am lucky to be in a happy marriage, BUT know that if things did go wrong further down the line(we have been together 15 years) I would rather sleep on the floor at a friends house than build up an escape fund, meaning I would be depriving my currently happy family of things we need and building a lack of trust and commitment into my relationship.

I agree soup kitchen- I think you speak for most sane people!

The thing I find more interesting in this thread is how many people assume that their husband will take care of them if decided to part. Of course most will try to be fair and do their best, but what you consider fair might be totally different to what your then ex other half and the CSA considers fair.

Divorce/separation is an economical catastrophe for everyone involved: the wife, the husband, the children, more so if new partners and children are added to the equation.

No matter how much money a family has, a split will affect your lifestyle either in a smaller or bigger scale.

Besides, most splits are not exactly friendly so even with the best intentions, each person's views are bound to be modified when presented with a situation as traumatic as a divorce. It may take months/years to get the finances settled.

DexH is taking good care of us at the moment but I'm sure that giving far more than what the CSA recommends is a situation that will be reviewed at some point in the future if/when he gets a new family. Which is only fair IMO

So in a nutshell (puts Xenia's hat on)... women/men should aim to have some financial independance. or keep some earning power.

[goes and hides in a safe place]

Alexa808 - I agree that it wouldn't be ideal to use your DH's money to stash away - do you not have any income of your own that you could keep in a savings account? I think there is a small problem with the op in the wording - I feel that most people think they should have a contingency fund for whatever reason, perhaps the problem is calling it an exit fund?

I dont assume that DH would take care of me if things went tits up. But I work, I earn as much, if not more, money than him. I would be able to stand on my own two feet (with support from my family!) if the worst happened, but ferreting money into a secret account "just in case" it went tits up would make me feel a bit dirty

I think it's important to have your own pot of money as well - even if it's just for buying him presents!

DH and I both have "running away funds" - i.e. we have our own small investments that we could use in emergencies but which are really long term savings. We haven't yet had the urge to run and have known each other for 30 years.