Do you think all wives should have a secret exit fund?

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You know those threads where something goes horribly wrong in a marriage and everyone suggests that the woman begins secretly putting money aside - just in case? Well, do you think we should all be doing that? Are those of us who are fortunate enough to have happy marriages being naive if we think that disaster will never hit our relationships? Or would the existence of an exit fund be a sign that the marriage isn't working?

Just interested, no problems at home. I find the threads where the h starts misbehaving after years of happy marriage so upsetting and worrying, that I just wonder if we should all be prepared.

Nothing financial should be secret in a relationship IMO. We ahve always had a "what's yours is ours" attitude to money in our relationship and although we do have seperate accounts still treat monery as "ours"

Find it very odd when people say they don't know what their partner earns. i know onbe married couple who still split the bill if we go out (ie both take put seperate purses to pay!)

I don't have much time for True Love but we pool all our cash and I couldn't imagine having a running away fund. I have independent earning potential and my own pension instead.

despite various things about DP I'm not too keen on (Cleaning. Housework. Cleaning. State of the house. oh, and cleaning) we are pretty compatible on money, and I really don't think, if we split, that money would be the main problem.

It's common sense to have money in your own name.

I don't consider it a 'running away' fund, but an emergency fund, if anything happened to my dh and I needed emergency money.

God yes - but like Raven's, it's called a 'shit's just hit the fan' pot of money and can cover all kind of emergencies.

we tend to split the bill if we go out - long habit. Have sep bank accounts, DH also rubbish with money (though he has imnproved a lot) so saves arguments. Would consider separate savings accoutns (and pensions) the absolute minimum.

I split the bill with my partner sometimes.

My mother never knew what my father earned - and they had a joint account.

PS - if you've got kids i think it would be irresponsible not to have at least a small stash that only you have access to.

I think that saving money in secret in case you want to leave isn't healthy in a relationship. I can completely understand having a stash of money for emergencies though, and if one of you isn't very good with money (and would fritter it away) then fair enough that they don't have easy access to it. DH is more concerned that if anything happened to me, I have all the savings in my name (for tax reasons)!

my parents always had separate bank accounts and Dad paid Mum housekeeping every month out of which she paid all the bills. Plus she worked so had her own income.
Dad was the one with the secret savings, not as an exit fund but so they still had money when Mum had spent everything - she was one of those people who believes the overdraft is extra money in her account and credit card limits are there to tell her how much she has to spend - and to bail her out of debt, which he had to do a few times.

Some might say this was not trust/love/whatever but it was sensible - Mum was a spendthrift and if it hadn't been for Dad's money they would have been in dire straits.

If you are solely dependant on dh for money/finances then yes you probably should have one. In our situation we earn pretty much 50/50 and pool everything into our joint account so I don't feel the need for one - dh is useless with money and I look after all our finances though so if things ever got bad I suppose it would be him that needed the exit fund and not me!!

I don't have a secret running away fund but am a secondary card holder on dh's c.c which has a £22k limit so would, if absolutely desperate, withdraw lots of cash on it to tide me over.

Not secret, no. But dh (who is SAHD) has his own money since his stepmum died and left him a reasonable sum, and I have felt somehow comforted that despite that he is still around. And he has more self-esteem cos not all the cash is earned by me. We have dipped into his stash to pay my tax bill in the past, it's all open, but I think we both feel better than neither of us is entirely financially dependent on the other (I have my own stash too), although most of our finances are joint.

Yes I do. And a few years ago I used mine.

Currently divorcing h. We were solvent, living comfortably and I was in charge of finances - joint accounts etc. For god knows how long he has been having an affair. he left me on Mother's day - 2nd march. between jan and march he and his fancy woman ran up £30k of debt on credit cards in his name - furnishing their new home I don't doubt. (she nust ahve paid min payments on first coupla months payments to hide them - now he is 'struggling' on £5k a month!!!! Usd to bring home less than half that - did lots of 'overtime' (ha!) I knew nothing. I am now legally liable for half that debt. I will always now have a secret stash. I have set up an account in dd's name where I 'hide' money - now from solicitors and ex h - possibly from who knows in the future. My kids are NOT going to lose their home if I can help it.Certainly not because their fathe is a YOU KNOW WHAT! Once bitten, twice very much cautious and wary. Have 2 kids to consider. So yes, I would definately have a secret stash, only not in my name.

BTW my ex h seemde the type who would look after us - took me to London at the end of Dec

oops posted too soon. yes, he took me no expnses spared to see Mama Mia and stay in a top Londn hotel at end of Dec, booked a fam holiday for August etc etc - let ds start beavers and DD ballet - with no intention of paying for that!!! AAARGGHH!!! So don't get too complacent! And apologies for typos!

I've not posted for a little while and this is a very interesting thread, dh and I split it was a horrid time for all and I was left wondering how I was going to cope emotionally and financially. We are back together tho he is living in a rented flat (which he regrets now but he does have a contract and can't get out of it)

In that time I have put money to one side not a lot, it scared me when he walked out and I knew I was going to have to cope alone with a child. I've not told him about it, maybe I will one day but its early days and he broke the trust in our relationship and he has to earn it back, I do feel better in the knowledge that I have something for me and dd incase anything happens, is that wrong?

I don't think it should be secret. But a woman needs to have money in her name definitely.

I have a "running away" fund because my partner is awful with money and has admitted that he is planning on using my wages to live off once dd is old enough not to need childcare anymore (i currently pay 6-700 a month, earnings over the limit for tax credits).
I've found out recently that he has been lying for a long time about his personal debts and he is also spending his entire wage packet in less than 3 wks each month but not paying his share of the bills.
In my situation as soon as the fund is big enough i will go.

I agree with another poster who said that you can't predict peoples behaviour. All his family and friends are convinced that he is a committed family man who looks after us all.
In reality i keep the house afloat and always have done.

Yes of course. Everyone should have a nest egg for a rainy day. Our children have one, too (to ensure they can do all the studies they like, whether or not we are around and/or able to pay for them when the time comes).

No, of course not. Not if you have a happy relationship. There is no need to be underhand and stash money away unless you are planning to make an exit one day.
My husband is comitted to me and the children, and even if our relationship went off the rails one day I am sure that he would provide for us financially.
We trust each other implicitly, isn't that what it's all about?

I have some money in my name only but it's not secret.

Until the day I married and said my vows I thought I'd put away money into such a fund. However, I have said my vows and will adhere to them. Setting up such a fund now, esp. with my DH's money doesn't seem right. I don't want to build my marriage on deceit.

yes I do.

my mae bought herslef a house - cash by saving alittle bit each month.. this was years ago obv.

That would not stop me from tooling the books should I find out he's playing away