I really, really messed up a decade ago when I was in my early 20s and now I'm worried it's going to destroy our lives. I had been in a LTR for several years since teens (long distance during uni, and at this point my boyfriend had just moved back home). I was still studying and had a really good male friend I worked with. At some point, our friendship ended up going into emotional affair territory; I realised we had developed feelings beyond friendship and we were constantly talking via text and chatting at work etc. He confessed feelings and wanted us both to end our relationships, I didn't want to but after a few weeks he convinced me I'd already crossed into EA and should end it anyway. The guilt was too much and my head was such a mess, I did end my relationship. At the time my relationship was lacking communication and I really didn't feel supported at all. This friend gave me that communication and support for my struggles that was missing, so I can see how this happened. He tried to kiss me after finding out about the split but I stopped him. After the split I reconsidered the situation and I felt like I'd made a huge, HUGE mistake. I got back with my boyfriend and apologised intensely for the hurt I'd caused him, but I didn't tell him about the EA as my friends I'd told had said it would cause him so much more pain (I now know this is bad advice). I told him about the communication issues and that I wanted to work on things and I still really loved him and wanted to be with him. The male friend briefly ended things with his girlfriend and tried to convince me to end things again, but I told him I was staying with my boyfriend and regretted everything and wished we had just stayed friends and nothing more. He eventually after some time got back with his girlfriend. I cut all contact despite him trying to message me several times, and moved jobs so I no longer had to see him. A decade on, they are married with kids, me and my then boyfriend are married with kids. Our relationship is really, really good now - when we got back together I told him I felt there were issues with our communication and emotional support etc and we worked so hard on that for years. I never felt able to tell him about what had happened once we were back together and I was so terrified of losing him, although I really regret not telling him at the time so much. *I feel it is important to note here that he had also messaged girls at his uni in the past, before my situation; he messaged one girl he was friends with telling her she looked hot along with other messages and they stayed being good friends until he graduated; another person I found slightly flirty messages with after a video call and they were talking about having a call again but I have no clue who it was or what happened after that; and finally I had found messages from a uni girl telling him to "get to her room", and him responding that he was on his way...I had confronted him about this at the time and he had said nothing happened, they just hung out and her room mate was there, but I thought it was odd they chose to hang out in her dorm room and not anywhere else on campus. He has never opened up to me about what happened with any of these situations, which I feel is important to add here*. He has also grown so much since his uni days and I trust him wholeheartedly now. Anyway, we have a lovely life now, married with kids. However I feel like this could all be blown apart. Someone close to us is dating one of the guy-from-my-past's best friends (we have not met him yet, she showed me a photo and I recognised him). I assume he knows his friend was in that situation, and if they get serious this guy will likely be in our lives forever. At that point I feel I would have to tell my husband what happened and that this guy in our family is friends with the EA guy. My husband is so sweet and friendly, I would hate for him to make friends with this person and for them to talk about him and for him to not know, it would be embarrassing for him and I would hate that. It might also get back to my family, which I think might cause them to reject me as they are very against anything like that situation. I am postpartum and in a fragile place with my hormones and mindset. I feel physically sick at finding out this person knows the guy and all of this will come back up and my world could implode. I know it is my own fault, however I was so young and naive and confused at the time. I had never ever done anything like this before or since. I have done so much reflecting and work on myself and our relationship. I love my husband and kids so much and I'm terrified this will ruin our lives. Advice please - do I tell my husband now, or wait and see if things work out with my family member and this guy first? If I should tell him, any tips for telling him in the least destructive way? Please be kind as I hate myself enough as it is.