Is it a dealbreaker if a new guy doesn’t go down on you?

[TheNotSohill]

For a bit of context I met a guy on hinge a couple months ago and we have started being exclusive. Things are going really well but in the bedroom he doesn’t want to go down on me for some reason. I didn’t want to ask why because I do like him but oral is really important to me and the fact he’s not willing to do it is causing me with a bit of a dilemma. What do you think I should do?

If you can't have a conversation with someone you're fucking about what you do/don't like then I can't imagine the sex is very good either way. Ask him. It'd be a dealbreaker for me, but you're not going to know why without asking him. That seems important to you, so ask.

Is it bad of me tho if I end the relationship tho because he doesn’t want to go down on me

No. You can end a relationship for any reason you like. But in this case, I'd have thought it would be worth asking him first.

You can end a relationship for literally any reason you want. The way his hair looks after a shower. His taste in shoes. You just felt like it that day. You are not obliged to stay in a relationship you don't want to be in, regardless of why.

I'd just bite the bullet and send a text.. Either asking directly or tell him you can't stop thinking about him doing it for you.

No risk. No reward.

Up to you how to play it! Nothing to lose though right?

Maybe he's waiting for you to improve your linguistic abilities before he demonstrates his... 😉

Not ‘everyone’.

Well majority. Surely it’s uncommon for a woman not to love oral

No, it isn't bad of you.

You're both allowed preferences.

Just my opinion, but if he expects blow jobs yet won't go down on you, then he's a hypocrite. Fair enough if he is fine with not receiving if he is not willing to give.

The bottom line is no one should do anything they don't want.

And, you're allowed for this to matter to you, OP.

Lord knows, as women we inevitably end up bending over backwards for men - and it's usually the woman who does far more of the compromising, so for this reason alone I applaud any woman who stands up for exactly what she wants in a relationship.

Yes, that is a deal-breaker.

Nope. Lots of women hate it. I do. He may assume you don’t like it unless you tell him.

So should I ask him over text or when we next meet?

It would be a deal breaker for me - more due to him being happy to receive without reciprocating.
I don’t really agree that you should need to raise this with him unless you only did it for him after he asked.

Sexual compatibility is very important, Perverts with perverts, normal people with normal!

This is something I’d discuss before sleeping with someone. I’ve met far too many men that are happy to receive but dont give. So would ask before sleeping with someone

What reasons do they say when they won’t go down on you

I don't like it, never have. I find the way the guy look up every so often while doing so off-putting. Like they want praise and then seeing their top of the head..it just puts me off. I like feeling someone's body/kissing whilst having sex. Not just lying there. Or if a 69, then I can't focus on both. So, no. Not all women enjoy it. I'm 0 bothered. Enjoy giving though.

I’d raise it in person. Don’t build it up into some big thing, it’s a perfectly normal thing to raise with someone you’re in a sexual relationship with.

”Hey, there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you about but I haven’t been sure how to raise it. You don’t go down on me. I’m just wondering why. Is it something you don’t like to do or is there another reason? I’m just asking because it is a pretty important part of sex for me, so I need to understand your feelings about it.”

Not me personally they said they don’t do it to anyone. I’ve met quite a few men that thought it was nasty to go down on a woman.

I’d raise it in person. Don’t build it up into some big thing, it’s a perfectly normal thing to raise with someone you’re in a sexual relationship with.

”Hey, there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you about but I haven’t been sure how to raise it. You don’t go down on me. I’m just wondering why. Is it something you don’t like to do or is there another reason? I’m just asking because it is a pretty important part of sex for me, so I need to understand your feelings about it.”

You could always text him if you felt more comfortable doing that.

It is not ‘bad’ of you if it matters that much. But it would be bad if you don’t even check why he won’t, because as others have said, maybe he has been with women who don’t like it, or he thinks he isn’t good at. Talk to him @TheNotSohill

In what way could it be nasty. It’s one of the most intimate parts of sex

So everyone who isn’t normal is a pervert? Wow at least we all know we fit into 2 distinct categories 😆 i wish i’d known all those years ago that i’d be a pervert!

Yeah this. Too many men think they can have something done for them but women can just put up without it!

When you're in bed next and getting it on, say you'd love him to go down on you. Either he will want to please you, or he'll ignore or pretend he didn't hear or make excuses. Then either way you have your answer.

You have done the most intimate act with another human and yet you 'feel a bit awkward' to ask a simple question? Weird. It's would HAVE by the way. Never OF.