Is it a dealbreaker if a new guy doesn’t go down on you?

[TheNotSohill]

For a bit of context I met a guy on hinge a couple months ago and we have started being exclusive. Things are going really well but in the bedroom he doesn’t want to go down on me for some reason. I didn’t want to ask why because I do like him but oral is really important to me and the fact he’s not willing to do it is causing me with a bit of a dilemma. What do you think I should do?

No one should be pressured into a kind of sex they do not enthusiastically consent to and want.

You either accept it, or you break up. Depends how important it is to you.

If it's really important to you, you break up. You're unlikely to be happy if you're not sexually compatible. It's that simple.

do I speak to him first about why he won’t do it tho?

Have you asked him to do it?

I just feel a bit awkward too. I would of thought he would of just done it

You’re not sexually compatible. He shouldn’t be forced or pushed into doing anything he doesn’t want to do. You shouldn’t have to compromise on something that is important to you.

It won’t work.

I really like him tho.

So you don’t actually know then

Well we’ve been shagging for like a month but he hasn’t done it once so I’m assuming he doesn’t want too

You should ask if the alternative is finishing with him. Asking isn't pressuring someone.

My DH didn’t at first because he felt like he didn’t know what to do. You need to chat to him.

how should I bring the subject up with him?

Think you need to just mention it during foreplay, do you go down on him?
You're a month in so you should be able to ask him if it's something he wants to do ?

Do you do it for him?

Yeah I do

Then he’s a lazy bastard getting his needs met and not too bothered if yours aren’t.

In which case a 69 position is the answer, and see how he reacts.

If you're willing to get naked with someone you really should be willing to have a conversation with them about what you like when you're naked.

I've lost count of the number of times this very thread title has been posted. Seems to be a weekly occurrence.

I mean you are being intimate having sex so seems ridiculous you can’t talk to him about it.

I'd absolutely dump you for saying of instead of have so you're entitled to dump him for things you dislike

Could it be a personal hygiene issue maybe?.....

I don’t understand why any man wouldn’t want to go down, it’s my personal favourite, it’s probably something you will have to have a conversation about, you could try going down on him and turning around into a 69 to see how he reacts, has he actually said he doesn’t like it or has he just not gone down yet?

I think you need to ask him then.

If it’s something he is adamant he’ll never do, then at least you know and you can decide from there.

It could be that he’s willing but nervous. You really do need to have the conversation.

This might be a case of him not realising you want it or not being confident in how to do it. Or it might be that he’s a selfish prick who doesn’t want to pleasure women. You’ll need to talk to him to find out which.
If I were you, I’d try to mention that you’d like him to at some appropriate point, perhaps after you’ve done him. Then see how he reacts. You’ll either get something like, ‘My ex always told me I was crap at it’, or ‘Eww no way’. And you’ll have your answer!