Am I under-reacting after he ignored my request to use a condom?

[Happyduck77]

So things finished with my situationship late last year. He ended it. It was awful timing. I wasn't a really bad place. Ive been doing therapy for other stuff, going to a life coach etc. Really working on myself and getting back into exercise and trying to love myself. This guy has kept coming back over and over. Its a very long story. Weve seen each other 2 times in last few months and most recently slept together. I told him he would have to wear a condom as i was no longer taking contraceptives, he said he'd just have to be careful and he pulled out. Im not worried about pregnancy as im late 40's and it wasn't the right time of the month. I just cant seem to get mad that he did this. Whats wrong with me? Do I think so little about myself. Was it really that bad? Im not even thinking about STI's- again, what is wrong with me?? I reckon im in some sort of trauma bond and ive worked so bloody hard to pick myself up after an emotionally abusive marriage and now this guy. Am I under reacting? I dont trust myself with this guy at all

This isn't true though. If you didn't want him contacting you you would block him.

I wish it was that easy. Not everything is black and white in life

You told him to wear a condom and he refused. You should have refused him sex. He obviously has no respect for you or your wishes. Also a friend of mine got pregnant at 47. She went on to miscarry but she had 4 weeks of total shock and worry and stressing about what to do before the miscarriage. Do yourself a favour and block this selfish man.

This doesn’t make any sense. Just block him! You’re obviously getting something from the drama of it, only you know if it’s worth sacrificing your peace for.

Yes, you are under-reacting.

Raise your bar and clear this boundary-violating trash out of your life.

Do not get with a man again until you are confident insisting on condom use.

You are under reacting. He is being selfish and disrespectful. Counting on him pulling out is very risky. Loads of women get pregnant in their 40s. You are being irresponsible and unreasonable.

But you weren’t willing without a condom, were you? That was not part of the agreement - he crossed your boundary, e.g, you didn’t consent to it without a condom.

You should have refused him sex? How about he should have said sure no problem to wearing a condom and not put her in this position in the first place.

Yes, you are underreacting.

Obviously you're aware that self-esteem and healthy boundaries are an issue for you - but you shouldn't be in any kind of sexual or romantic relationship until you've managed to establish a strong sense of healthy boundaries and self-worth.

A man telling you whatever bullshit you want to hear (but that he doesn't really mean) just so that he can repeatedly put his penis in your vagina, ignoring and overriding your wishes around safety, is not worth the risk of STIs, pregnancy (even at your age), and the continued erosion of your boundaries and self-worth.

He can't be that good in the sack. Start treating yourself with some respect.

Ffs. How about he simply respected her boundary and wore a condom like any decent human being and didn’t put her in this position in the first place.

I would assume because he's a rapey prick who doesn't give a shit about her boundaries, or being a decent human being?

Unless she wants to report him for rape (which she could, most likely), there's very little practically speaking that can be done except strengthening her boundaries, raising her self-worth, and not accepting shitty treatment from men who at best are disrespectful, and at worst are coercive rapists. If she's willing to keep accepting this treatment though, he's just going to keep doing it. She needs to stop it, because he won't.

Be single. Block this guy. Continue working on yourself. You aren't emotionally well enough to protect yourself from assholes and you deserve better.