Do you think it’s likely to happen?

[thenoetel]

I am meeting a guy next Monday bank holiday for our 3rd date. He has suggested a wine and cheese evening with a walk near his house. We get on well and text each other a fair bit. Does this mean that sex is likely to happen or am I getting the wrong idea?

posting another thread because the other only got one reply

Glad I’m not the only one wondering this! I’ve never really done the dating scene, but if I did, a wine & cheese evening with a walk would be my idea of an ideal date tbh! (And yes OP, I’d definitely be shaving my legs in anticipation of what might happen after that!)

I don't think it's high maintenance to be taken out for a meal by date 3 and then a film, bowling, art gallery, show etc for the next few dates.
Does he even like you OP, has he said so ? More importantly do you like him?

Booze followed by being near his place? He's 100% hoping you'll end up in bed.

I must be so old fashioned. I wouldn't be having sex even after 5 dates. Why is everyone so hurried into jumping into bed so quickly without getting to know someone before making that commitment.

Not at all but date 3 back at someone's house?! Aside from effort, there are safety concerns too.

Effort doesnt equal money btw 🤷‍♀️

I think because people don't want to invest lots of time and emotion into someone who might turn out to be so dreadful in bed that you want to move continents to avoid them.

Getting the sex bit out of the way soonish is quite sensible, I would have thought. If you've already fallen for them then find they don't know a clitoris from a cucumber and aren't keen to learn, well...

This, exactly. I don’t want to date a man for 5 weeks and find out he doesn’t do oral for example. Done that twice and binned them both off as we weren’t compatible. I’d rather find out we are compatible asap. Maybe date 2 or 3.

His place = sex.

I initiated sex on my third date with current partner. We’d been to a sushi restaurant that evening. I don’t know if this is helpful or not.

(but also, hope you have a great time 🙂)

What are your aims? Are you comfortable with casual intimacy or after a relationship? How do you feel about him so far? Have you talked about relationship goals?

There's nothing wrong with him wanting sex. Lots of couples have sex early on.

However, I do think it's different if the woman instigates it, or it's mutual and spontaneous, to the guy setting it up... guys have lower standards in terms of being physically satisfied.

If I wanted to work out if the guy was seriously into me I'd politely suggest an alternative kind of date

Don't say its about sex, just say there's something else you want to do like the cinema or something.

If he doesn't agree then he clearly just wanted to pressurize you into sex.

If he immediately agrees, he's probably into you as a person.

I'd then switch the plan back at the last minute to a coffee and walk near his house as I like having a nosey at dates houses 😁.

If I were up for sex, I'd probably pack my toothbrush, but not tell him unless it turned out later that things were definitely going that way.. I usually drive to dates, because it means i have a getaway vehicle- but I don't drink anyway, so I wouldn't be at risk for being over the limit.

Of course, as I don't drink, a cheese and wine evening would not be a good choice (I'm not a big cheese fan, either.) But it's ydy'r date, nit mine, so it's not a problem.

Gross😂😂

I did exactly this a few days ago. It was our 5th date, he cooked me dinner. Surprisingly I felt I actually didn't want sex and realised I didn't like him as much as I thought I had. Feigned a headache and drove home.

Very glad I went to his, for that reason.

Yes OP, he wants sex. Question is, do you? Ball's in your court (as it were)

Edit: I agree with pps about not leaving it too late, or the sex could be bad and you're already emotionally involved, so compromise and maybe live to regret it.

this made me laugh out loud

You can always ask them when you are discussing that topic. Like when you are discussing contraception and finding out if you both want a relationship or just a ONS

🤣🤣🤣

Sex will happen if you both want it to happen

I think this is a risky strategy, as he'll say what you want to hear. Better to see what he actually does.

As we know, men do what they want to do.

It does fit the third date modern day pattern. But you don't have to have sex with a virtual stranger unless you want to.really want you do,. Be mindful that a friends with benefits arrangement might be all that he's looking for, if he is moving quickly into suggesting sexual activity. Be prepared for either eventually, and decide how you wish to respond. Having an ' I'm not ready for that so soon' sentence in your head if that is what you think, is a good idea.. If you are eager and so is he, think safe sex.

Personally I think many people nowadays seem to agree to have sex with people they barely know and before they really know if they truly like the person first . This is not a strong foundation on which to build a respectful loving relationship, if that's what you are looking for.

Personally I think a third date is too quick to make up my mind, but I know that rest of the world probably makes quicker decisions.

Sex is only likely to happen if you decide that you want it to. Yes it appears like he’s trying to raise the chances of it happening by being close to his home. That’s pretty standard behaviour but you are ultimately the one that sets the pace & should set boundaries according to what feels right for you.

If you can't trust what he says then it's too soon to have sex, IMO.

Exactly. Stop focusing on what he might want/expect/hope for — what do you want?

Exactly.
OP your original question was "do you think it's likely to happen" as if sex is something that "just happens".
You do have agency here, so use it !
And if you aren't sure, then don't allow it to happen - give yourself permission to walk away.

If he'd said takeaway and six pack of Stella you wouldn't even have posted so yes I predict this is going places

people on here are so weird about "effort" he sounds ideal tbh

😂