When do you call time on longstanding friendship?

[19Notts32]

This is actually about friendship

Been friends for about 20 year. Super close at 1st always kept up friendship even when life took us to different places. She was bubbly vibrant and fun and so caring. Fast forward to now has had 2 children. Dont hear from her for weeks apart from off tiktok link. Always me that suggests meeting. Cant do evenings as has to be in bed early cos she has kids (got told to get on with it when mine were small) but manages nights with mums and workmates. Manages trips and breaks with mum friends and other friends but cant do anything when I suggest. Just reading what im writing Id already be saying shes not interested anymore however when we meet its fine and nice and she is warm and friendly. Its usually only for lunch and stuff. Its really gets to me whyshe can arrange stuff with others and not me her supposed best mate of so long. Feels like ive been replaced 1st by baby friends and now school mum friends. I know I should give up trying but consider her family. Do I just let it go or see it as phase? She so different, and I feel like shes not bothered anymore. Always very self consumed when I do see her and has been quite hurtful the way she has said and done things. I think she had post natal depression but would never open up to me. I also have other friends and keep busy Im not sitting waiting for her it just pains me because I miss the friend I had. Just evenings in chatting or walk by the sea. Do i just leave it now?

Energy match is def my thought going forward and has really made me think. Thank you!

Glamping with babygroup friends and goes out for a very short time with other mum friends.

Yes and I can remember feeling so excited about all these new mum friends. I get it I do. I just never forgot my other friends in the process. Im def not perfect Im sure she would say Ive not handled stuff right either it just feels like ones bothered. Ive noticed such a change in her care towards others in her life too its not just me. Its all just very kid focussed and I know why because theres nothing else. I guess it will come back around or it wont. Def exhausted thats all she says. Maybe Im just one more thing to think about thats not necessary atm and just have to accept x

Im only ever suggesting a bit of dinner or watching a film. Im hardly wanting to recreate the Hangover. The difference is she will entertain the idea even for a short while with others.

Yes mine was a very very similar situation to you and one day I was just done with it.

I was conscious that I have tonnes of very easy friendships that I hardly gave a thought to, as they were just positive and nice and both sides participate as and when and I decided I was going to move the more stressful friendship into that category.

I literally give is so little head space now, we meet up from time to time and have a really pleasant time and I make zero effort in the friendship outside of that.

For you I would only meet your friend on your terms for the next while.

If she asks to meet say the truth that your life is busy at the moment and because your children are at different stages you need a child free meet up and for her to you let you know when that works for her and then take it from there. This phase she is in won’t be that way forever. Things change.

I've had a really similar situation. Someone I counted as one of my closest, longest term friends. I became a parent first. I still made time for her. Dinner out with her was my very first post baby evening out. I came to her hen do despite having a breast fed baby at the time. I enjoyed her company a lot.

After she had kids, I eventually realised that it was me making 100% of the effort- me suggesting meeting up, me going to her place (or somewhere particularly convenient to her).

I told her how I felt and decided to take a step back. She hasn't made a single attempt to suggest we meet up since then. It's been well over a year.

It's not about wanting nights out, I have very limited capacity for that. I loved meeting up with our kids.

I'm still hurting and I'm still missing her. But I decided that I couldn't continue to be the one who made 100% of the effort. If she wanted to see me, she'd contact me. She hasn't, so I have to accept that.

Yes def not thinking about what she is saying or how actions come across these days. Suspect own issues but Ill never be privy to these. I just need to focus on others that do show interest and see how this rolls. Thank you for caring

Wanted to thank all of you for answering (still aiming to answer indvidually) and appreciate you all taking time to respond to a stranger. I like the fact they are honest answers not just ones that you want to heae as allows me to gather some perspective and think things through. Im sorry many of you have also been made to feel like this too. x

She called time on it @19Notts32 . Ages ago. So i wouldn’t give it another thought to be honest.