Boyfriend’s hair fetish is affecting our sex life and future together

[ultraloc]

I've just found out that my new boyfriend (7 months in) has a hair fetish and he has just told me that he is unable to get an erection without fantasising about a hairdresser's chair, cape, women getting really long hair cut to short hair, no hair, some women getting forced to have their hair cut or cut shorter than they wanted it. There's more but I think that's enough and gives a good enough picture. He also follows lots of online hair fetishing accounts showing hair getting chopped off, sometimes the women are crying.

He says he's not really bothered about having sex and doesn't really get turned on, but gets turned on if a partner talks about being at the hairdresser and he is pleasuring them secretly under the cape etc. Or watching the haircuts.

I was wondering why he didn't want sex with me. He almost falls over himself if he sees a woman in public with really long hair. All ages. It's getting really boring. And very frustrating for me!!!!

We are both middle aged and although I care for him a lot, I can't see a sexless future for me while he gets fulfilment from all of this in his head, watching stuff online instead of having healthy sex with me.

I've tried a bit of role playing but it's so boring and not much really happened. I have fairly long hair but it doesn't seem to turn him on. And when he does start touching it, I now feel repulsed.

I've started noticing other men and fantasising about them. I just want normal, healthy and passionate sex. I need to talk to him. I really care about him and don't want to lose our friendship. I don't know whether to suggest an open relationship or that we simply remain friends and he finds a hair situation and I find normal.

This is real for people who are thinking WTH 🙃Anyone been through this or similar?

I'm a little bit overwhelmed by the replies. All negative. I suppose I should have expected that.

I know I've had my head buried in the sand about it. I guess I didn't want to admit to myself how horrible the fetish actually is. If it really is about hating women, wanting to watch them suffer, getting sexual pleasure from watching them suffer, then that's horrendous.

Somebody further up my thread said something along the lines of there must be more to the relationship. Well that's why I'm still there. He is..... or seems to be..? kind and funny... no signs of any violence towards me, but the only thing he seems to want to do is sniff my hair, pull it and touch it. The rest of me kind of doesn't exist.

I'm checked out emotionally now. I already ended it once as I just couldn't handle the lack of physical connection. He's masturbating to a fantasy woman online, basically what it boils down to is imagining giving her oral sex while she loses her hair willingly or unwillingly.

It's a sickness. He can't tell me where it comes from and he has basically told me that I have to accept it or not.

Years ago I dated someone... very briefly... who wanted me to dress up in uniform.... behave like a Nazi... and whip him. That didn't last long, definitely not my thing 😂But no judgement if that is anyone's thing on here! In some ways, this hair thing is no different. He can't get sexual pleasure without the cutting and aggression.

An open relationship would be wrong for both of us. I just want to leave him. I don't want to hurt him though. But then he's hurting me with the lack of intimacy and I can't meet a healthy man while he's "around". We are good friends really, I don't know how he will take it, but he has to hear how I feel. I've tried to accept it but after getting the unanimous back-up on here, it's beyond time to leave him for good.

😂

Yes. He stares at teenagers and schoolgirls as well if the hair is a certain way.

Good point. He has an addiction. I didn't cause it and I can't cure it, whatever the AA motto.... (and I no longer care!)

Al-Anon’s Three Cs – I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it

This is about abuse, not hair. He gets turned on by women being abused. RUN.

Jesus Christ. I can't imagine the police would be interested but that's absolutely revolting.

This must be one of the weirdest fetishes I’ve even r heard

Sorry Op, I've got to ask. What happens if he finds a hair in his food?

“My boyfriend is sexually aroused by women being upset and clearly sexually excited by schoolgirls if they have long hair.”

Thats basically what you’re saying OP. And you’ve not broken up with him?

It’s pretty grim isn’t it?

We need to normalise saying that some fetishes are weird. This is some weird sht right here. Tell Vidal Sassoon to f*k off.

Just booked a hairdresser's appointment to get all my long hair cut off into a bob. Sod him and his obsession. New start, new me. I'm done twisting myself into a pretzel to please somebody who has no shits to give about my own personal beauty and clearly needs psychiatric help, as several here have said. Bye bye weirdo, bye bye hair!

I have waist length very thick hair. It attracts an awful lot of creeps. I don’t think this is particularly rare…staring at schoolgirls though? Why on earth are with this creep? Surely you can do better than this???!!!!

Have you broken up with him then?

Do you want to get your hair cut? Or is this a reaction to his fetish? If you are only doing this as a reaction you are ACTUALLY feeding his fetish by having your hair cut when YOU don't want to.

Even if you have dumped his perverted ass, as soon as he sees you again he will know he forced you into cutting your hair and you will be wank fodder forever.

So... finally got time off work, all Bank Holiday free, bit the bullet and told him we needed to have a serious conversation about the state of the "relationship". Decided to do talk to him in the pub as I really did not want him coming to my place, nor did I want to go to his.

On the way to the pub, in the bus, a girl who was definitely no older than mid teens, at a guess I would say 14, with super long, lovely light blonde hair, was walking along the path and his eyes went straight to her, then he kind of flipped his head in the opposite direction as if he knew what he was doing was so wrong... and obvious. At this point, I actually felt sorry for him, as he so clearly has zero control over it.

When we go to the pub, a whole bunch of my friends were there so we ended up having a swift drink with them and then leaving again, as it was very noisy and zero privacy, very annoying. Once we got outside and into relative quiet in the beer garden, I told him I could not see a future because of the hair issue and feeling undesirable all the time and that I'd felt like this for quite some time again, but was so fed up about it that I didn't even feel like bringing it up. He went very quiet and sullen. I said I just wanted to go back home on my own and walked off towards Tesco. He followed me and asked if he could come in. I said OK, but he just needed to accept that there was never going to be a serious future between us, no need to keep flogging the proverbial dead horse.

At the self service tills, I noticed him staring at people behind us, repeatedly turning around. When I managed to take a look, there were two teens, both with very long hair, maybe 15 or 16, one with very long braided hair. He looked like he was in a total trance. Then suddenly a woman appeared, who I assume was their mother and glared at him. He turned around again and she glared at me. I gave her a reassuring smile and packed my shopping as quickly as possible and got out of there. She had obviously noticed him leching.

Once we got out, I asked him had he realised the woman was angry at him for leering at his daughters. He said he had no idea, but that the town is "full of weird people, vindictive people." I said oh come on, you were staring at her teenage daughters! She probably thinks you are a weirdo, never mind what you think about her, and then what about me??? She might think I'm a weirdo because I'm with you. His explanation gave me so much reassurance that I am doing the right thing to cut ALL ties with this man. He said "Oh both the girls were almost tripping over their bags, didn't you see them??" He repeated this several times. I told him to go home, that he needed to rein his problem in, especially in public and around children, wished him good night and hailed a taxi.

Well done OP. A good decision and well done for following through

Do you think this is the same man op?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5467141-boyfriend-has-fetish-a-thats-more-an-obsession-love-sex-and-rejection?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Hair today

Gone tomorrow.
Well done op.