Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend’s hair fetish is affecting our sex life and future together

94 replies

ultraloc · 20/08/2026 10:39

I've just found out that my new boyfriend (7 months in) has a hair fetish and he has just told me that he is unable to get an erection without fantasising about a hairdresser's chair, cape, women getting really long hair cut to short hair, no hair, some women getting forced to have their hair cut or cut shorter than they wanted it. There's more but I think that's enough and gives a good enough picture. He also follows lots of online hair fetishing accounts showing hair getting chopped off, sometimes the women are crying.

He says he's not really bothered about having sex and doesn't really get turned on, but gets turned on if a partner talks about being at the hairdresser and he is pleasuring them secretly under the cape etc. Or watching the haircuts.

I was wondering why he didn't want sex with me. He almost falls over himself if he sees a woman in public with really long hair. All ages. It's getting really boring. And very frustrating for me!!!!

We are both middle aged and although I care for him a lot, I can't see a sexless future for me while he gets fulfilment from all of this in his head, watching stuff online instead of having healthy sex with me.

I've tried a bit of role playing but it's so boring and not much really happened. I have fairly long hair but it doesn't seem to turn him on. And when he does start touching it, I now feel repulsed.

I've started noticing other men and fantasising about them. I just want normal, healthy and passionate sex. I need to talk to him. I really care about him and don't want to lose our friendship. I don't know whether to suggest an open relationship or that we simply remain friends and he finds a hair situation and I find normal.

This is real for people who are thinking WTH 🙃Anyone been through this or similar?

OP posts:
NewAgain26 · 20/08/2026 11:55

Screamingabdabz · 20/08/2026 10:49

I’d wash that man right outta your hair. And send him on his way.

This should of been the first post. 😂

@ultraloc Don't spend any time over thinking this..... Leave and find someone who appreciates you.

JazzyJelly · 20/08/2026 11:56

'Of all ages?' do you really mean all? 🤮

Either way, bin him!

Wipeywipey · 20/08/2026 11:57

NewAgain26 · 20/08/2026 11:55

This should of been the first post. 😂

@ultraloc Don't spend any time over thinking this..... Leave and find someone who appreciates you.

Yup. You are not going to be googling this guy in 5 years wishing you were still living with this. You might out of curiosity to see what poor sod married it...

Lasymostly · 20/08/2026 11:58

Fetishes ( rather than sexual preferences) like he has are all consuming and they do stop people forming healthy relationships with healthy sex lives.

This is not a relationship worth pursuing. Just end up.

You need to think of it as being like going out with someone who is an addict. Nothing will ever matter more to him than the addiction ( the fetish).

pearlsclutchedhard · 20/08/2026 11:59

How the fuck do you get a hair fetish

Maisymouse2 · 20/08/2026 12:01

Just No!
Open means subjected to more weird shit if he is involved.

ChaToilLeam · 20/08/2026 12:03

So he's got a weird and cruel fetish about women being compelled to cut their hair, and crying. What on earth would make you want to stay with this man?

He sounds like a nasty piece of work.

TokyoSushi · 20/08/2026 12:04

Just no, run away.

DozyCrow · 20/08/2026 12:06

Sometimes, when the thrill of thinking about their fetish isn't enough any more, they feel the need to act it out. I'd be terrified of sleeping in his bed in case I woke up with him cutting my hair or shaving my head!

hockityponktas · 20/08/2026 12:11

Yeah just throw this one back!
honestly, I had a boyfriend with an odd fetish which did nothing for me at all. It got to the point where it was such a barrier to our sex life, always mentioning it, trying to sneak elements of it in.
It was obsessive and it just wasn’t something I was going to do so I got rid.

mangopine · 20/08/2026 12:12

What have I just read 🤣🤣

IrradiatedHaggis · 20/08/2026 12:14

This is not even a dilemma. Just dump him already.

WecanbeheroeslikeBowie · 20/08/2026 12:18

Urgh on so many levels. Shut the door behind you Joe.

northernerinsomerset · 20/08/2026 12:25

Run,he sounds like a total wrongun.

Bloozie · 20/08/2026 12:28

It's fine for him to get off in this way. Just because seeing women crying over haircuts makes him hard, doesn't mean that he'd ever hurt a woman etc etc. Fantasies are often just fantasies.

Also fine for you to get the hell out - as fast as you can. What are you getting out of this? You owe him nothing. Runnnnnnnnnnnn....

user293948849167 · 20/08/2026 12:29

Dump him and don’t look back
If he can’t have sex unless it involves his fetish this is affecting his day to day “real” life and is just not something I’d be wanting to deal with for a 7 month relationship!

CarbonAtom · 20/08/2026 12:38

What is there to think about here?
He's into a particular thing that seems a pretty big part of his life. You aren't into that thing. Therefore you aren't compatible.
Go your separate ways

TreesAtSea · 20/08/2026 17:27

It's not about hair, it's about him getting off on women being coerced and humiliated.

Horses7 · 20/08/2026 18:36

Oh dear, not sure whether to laugh or cry.
Either way he’d have to go!

Tuesdayschild50 · 20/08/2026 20:02

Leg it !!

Ladygodalmighty · 20/08/2026 20:31

Mulledjuice · 20/08/2026 10:43

Get out.

Apart from anything else his fetish is about women being coerced/humiliated/disappointed?

THIS- RUN!

FaceIt · 20/08/2026 21:10

Where the f@@k did that come from.
What a weirdo.

mbonfield · 20/08/2026 21:42

You need to dump what a weirdo

Magnatron · 20/08/2026 23:57

when you think you’ve heard it all…

Bones101 · 21/08/2026 00:47

He has serious issues please leave.

Swipe left for the next trending thread