Boyfriend’s hair fetish is affecting our sex life and future together

[ultraloc]

I've just found out that my new boyfriend (7 months in) has a hair fetish and he has just told me that he is unable to get an erection without fantasising about a hairdresser's chair, cape, women getting really long hair cut to short hair, no hair, some women getting forced to have their hair cut or cut shorter than they wanted it. There's more but I think that's enough and gives a good enough picture. He also follows lots of online hair fetishing accounts showing hair getting chopped off, sometimes the women are crying.

He says he's not really bothered about having sex and doesn't really get turned on, but gets turned on if a partner talks about being at the hairdresser and he is pleasuring them secretly under the cape etc. Or watching the haircuts.

I was wondering why he didn't want sex with me. He almost falls over himself if he sees a woman in public with really long hair. All ages. It's getting really boring. And very frustrating for me!!!!

We are both middle aged and although I care for him a lot, I can't see a sexless future for me while he gets fulfilment from all of this in his head, watching stuff online instead of having healthy sex with me.

I've tried a bit of role playing but it's so boring and not much really happened. I have fairly long hair but it doesn't seem to turn him on. And when he does start touching it, I now feel repulsed.

I've started noticing other men and fantasising about them. I just want normal, healthy and passionate sex. I need to talk to him. I really care about him and don't want to lose our friendship. I don't know whether to suggest an open relationship or that we simply remain friends and he finds a hair situation and I find normal.

This is real for people who are thinking WTH 🙃Anyone been through this or similar?

Jesus Christ, what the fuck is going on round here these days?

Brilliant 👏. And true.

That was my thought. He likes to see them crying and upset about having their hair forcibly cut.
Sounds an absolute freak.
Dump him.

I would be with this thinking. I mean to a certain degree we can't control what turns us on but the watching women crying is vile

To add to that, just move on and let him down gently if you care for him OP. I'm sure you must have more going on together since he doesn't seem to get much out of the relationship sexwise (not your fault at all) so I'm sure you can remain friends on some level if he's ok with that but you deserve better. Your gut is telling you this isn't what you want and you need to listen to it.

Someone has deffo posted about this guy before

What a repellent individual. Just dump him.

Just write off the last 7 months. He's out of it and more importantly he's making you feel bad about yourself. Absolutely no boyfriend should do that, ever.

Ps. and work on yourself. You shouldn't be talking about having 'open relationships' etc so soon after getting together. The whole relationship is nonsense and I think you may have low self-esteem not to see this.

Wouldn't fall asleep near him in case he shaved your head @ultraloc

Agree with others, it's a humiliation fetish he has and a barely concealed hatred of women.

Jesus, I’m not one for kink shaming but that’s a weird one and I’d be out of there so fast!

Not sure why this is such a dilemma? He has an extreme fetish, which he cannot do without and you don't like it/have no interest in it. So the solution is simple- you are not sexually compatible and therefore, this relationship cannot last. How would an open relationship solve the issue?

"He almost falls over himself if he sees a woman in public with really long hair. All ages."

This stood out to me- does that include very young ages?

Agree with others its not so much about the fetish per se but the fact that its centred around humiliating women. I wouldn't feel safe around him at all.

Send him to therapy and bin him.

Sounds like a bog standard humiliation fetish. Men who see women as threatening or are feeling weak in themselves for various reasons like to punish people they feel are beneath them - men often see women in this way - which is the most common narrative for porn in our society.

He probably thinks he is special as this is a "niche" type of degredation and outwardly relatively harmless, but the objective is boringly predictable. Woman looses power and attractiveness. Used and abused.

I CBA with men who want to waste their lives chasing this stuff but some women obviously don't care, think they can change them or don't understand these men don't really see women as equal. The choice is yours.