Should I challenge a date who hid having a girlfriend and lied about open relationship?

[ByRoseSnake]

As title states, feeling like a total mug.
I met who seemed a fantastic, legit guy on a dating app and had one date where we chatted all evening, made out but no further intimacy. Lots of chemistry, but he seemed hesitant - I chalked this up to not rushing things, respect etc.

Fast forward to the following week, we met up and late into the evening did get very intimate. But alarm bells started ringing when I could hear his phone vibrating with missed calls, which led him to eventually take the call - but in a separate room far from earshot.

He could sense that I was curious and then asked me, "you know I'm trying out an open relationship with my girlfriend, right?"
It had been his gf on the phone and NO I did not know this - it was never mentioned anywhere. Not on his dating app, not in person. I had no proof.

I decided to not make a scene, but I instantly felt he was cheating and also upset that I had been lied to by ommission - especially after having just had sex. Before I had a chance to challenge him, he said his gf maybe wasn't feeling 100% comfortable with trying out an 'open relationship' anymore and maybe it would be best to leave things between us. I shrugged it off, assuming that was that, lesson learnt etc. Didn't actually know whether to believe him.

3 days later, he contacts me again with flirty messages... yes, I know I can block (although I have a fear of that, after a nasty experience with someone and a second phone), yes I can ignore him, no I wouldn't attempt to track down his gf - but I am just so angry he's assumed I bought this story about an open relationship and will probably gain the confidence to string along another person on a dating app again, for as long as he can, under the premise of 'open relationship'.

It's probably totally useless, but I can't decide whether to challenge him on this - not to pick a fight, but maybe just to rattle him a bit I.e. make it clear that women aren't buying the open relationship story and don't appreciate deception? Probably won't achieve anything...

Maybe best not to get involved further?
Ugh. Disappointing as he seemed so promising. I'm just a bit grumbly about it :(

(Caveats:

• If they're genuinely trying an open relationship, then they're definitely not communicating or providing transparency that well!
• I am not against open relationships or ethical non-monogamy, done properly and with transparency, but this smelt fishy... Couples typically state very clearly on apps if this if their thing and post photos of themselves together.)

He explicitly told me after the calls that it was his girlfriend but that they were exploring an open relationship - despite never mentioning this rather key fact sooner

So yes, I don't know exactly what to believe, but I feel misled

date 1 you wanted to take it further. He was reluctant

date 2 half through through getting intimate, he takes a call and then comes back to basically say…. I’m done

That is 2 occasions out of 2 he has ducked out of sex.

I wouldn't bother. Its a waste of time and effort. He sounds like a right tit and you're better off out of it.

He's hardly going to say wife or partner is he?

And the 'open' only exists in his mind, presumably.
Hence his leaving in haste to get home. And saying she wasn't happy with this open relationship.

Load of bollocks.

He'd been caught out by someone checking up on him.

Yes, of course you were misled.

But I think you need some perspective. Men like this exist.

You've dodged a bullet.

OP said they had sex.

Where?

He sounds like a dick. Anyone who wants an open relationship is messed up/trouble/will mess you up. Avoid.

You could report him to the app tbh - this is exactly the sort of thing he should have stated openly in his profile. I wouldn't have any hesitation doing that, it's not fair for him to keep doing this to people.

He sounds like a total loser freak.
I would just get rid of him the easiest way possible. You could either just not message, or you could send a brief "this isn't working" sort of message if he messages you or you could block.

Personally, I don't like blocking people. I'd prefer to know if they were sending shit. But up to you.

No good can possibly come of you admonishing him. He'll just do whatever he wants.

First sentence of the fourth paragraph of the OP.

we met up and late into the evening did get very intimate. But alarm bells started ringing when I could hear his phone vibrating with missed calls, which led him to eventually take the call - but in a separate room far from earshot.

op confirmed later on to my response that they had NoT had sex
read the exchange

@Herenowatbroad no, we had sex lol
I'm very certain of that haha
No denial of sex in my response
And "very intimate" implies intercourse

But thank you for everyone for putting a bit more perspective into this silly situation !
I should be more canny with dating tricks from men.

I did read the exchange. I think she misunderstood the point you were trying to make.
I suggest you read the fourth para of the opening post, which refers to having just had sex.

Ooooh I didn't know that you could flag up people for these sorts of claims... I likely will not on this occassion, but that is interesting to know, especially for a couple of other friends using apps rn.

He's not worth the energy its taken you to write the posts. Block. Move on.

Others have now answered. First post.

No, read it
and the Op confirmed (select all) that they hadn’t had sex

So why did you initially respond that it was possible he was dodging sex to take the call?

Nothing will happen. Half the men on dating sites are married. What on earth would you report? A 'girlfriend' phoned him on our date'?

But it’s not possible because he did have sex with you. So he wasn’t having second thoughts about having sex with you. He had already had sex with you.

I read the Op that you were getting intimate and then he took a call

Op he really hasn’t done much wrong other than behave like a bit of sketchy half hearted player

And you seem to have invested a
Significant about of thought to him

as for reporting him… nonsense

OP - if you want to annoy him, it'll probably annoy him more if you just block him without giving him a chance to lie again.

I'm a bit concerned that you're just 'inclined' to think he's cheating.

Statistically speaking, I bet the number of men cheating like this FAR outweigh the number that are in open relationships. Either she knows about it and doesn't feel comfortable (so avoid), and at worst he's plain cheating (also avoid).

I bet that bragging he's doing is just more stories of him cheating, or he's trying to pressure his girlfriend into a threesome, and he's lining you up for something that sounds dodgy in terms of consent.

Stop making up excuses to remain in contact with this man. Block him and move on.

Maybe you should be aware that whatever men (it's usually men) say on their online dating profile, it is not always honest.

There are thousands of men on dating sites who are in relationships.
In fact I'd go as far as to say assume they are until you find out otherwise!

It's up to you when you have sex with them, but if having had sex you feel so strongly when it goes wrong and they have lied, might it be worth holding back a bit until you get to know them better - or at least are sure of their status.