Caught my bf masturbating over pictures of his ex

[BloomingPeachyRose]

Like the title says, no need to say much more really.

The writing was probably on the wall given what was happening and now it definitely is but he says I'm judging him too harshly and not giving him a chance.

I decided to surprise him at the weekend. I was supposed to be covering somebody's shift at work but didn't need to in the end, so thought great, Saturday night, will turn up with a nice bottle of wine and nice lingerie on etc. etc. We've been seeing each other for around 6 months or so, he's always said I can pop in whenever I like, door usually open etc. In fact he sometimes forgets to lock the front door and I do nag him about it as he lives alone.

So I got to his house and headed upstairs as no sign of him. Walked in and he had his phone in one hand and his penis in the other. He was so embarrassed but seemed pleased to see me. He put his phone face down and pushed it underneath the duvet. I wanted to know what turned him on as he has been having problems getting an erection with me from the start but I have been patient as I really like him. He refused to show me his phone and said it was just some spanking porn or something. I watch some porn myself and I suggested we watch it together, started undressing as I had my new lingerie on and he jumped out of bed and suggested we have some wine.

We had some wine, he fell asleep and yes I looked at his phone. He was on his ex girlfriend's Facebook. One picture after another. I looked at his history and he has been doing it since before we got together and all the time we HAVE been together.

I brought it up the next day and he didn't seem bothered that I had looked, he said he had nothing to hide and that it means nothing.

I ended it yesterday as I can't get past it. He struggles to get a decent erection for me but he's masturbating over a woman who dumped him over 8 years ago? Is this normal male behaviour? She seems to be his images of choice when he's alone. Not porn. I'd be OK with that. Well not OK if it's replacing our sex life. But it's HER!!

I'm fuming and he says I'm being way too sensitive and he wants to be with me, not her.

Ex problems seem to be a recurring theme on here, but I never for one minute thought he'd still be hung up on someone from an eternity ago.

He wants to talk again. I don't. Am I being unfair? I don't think so at all. I think he'd be back with her in a flash if she turned up now.

Please block him.

I've been too nice, clearly 😂

😂

Well if you look in the browser history/Google activity, there are date and timestamps. Each time he looked at a photo on a website etc., it showed up as opening a specific file at a specific time on a certain date.

So for Facebook as well, the same thing.

I'm surprisingly very good. I definitely made the right decision. Had a rough day due to some complicated family stuff but it all got sorted out in the end. I've also reconnected with a really old friend and it has made my day. We used to have such fun going out and then various difficult life situations put an end to it all. So a positive end to a trying day and I've barely given him a thought,

Not getting any younger either and what a waste of my precious time.

Wow. He's still hung up on his ex. You are well rid.

Obviously fake. Who uses a browser to access Facebook in 2026

If you check your browser's history on your phone... usually Google... it records everywhere you visited on the Facebook app. The Activity section.

Also:

https://www.facebook.com/help/258382577044600

Why do you think it's fake?

And many people use a browser on their computers to access FB. FB has its own history or activity log section, if you check under Settings. Very easy to see each image that has been accessed directly from the app itself.

Don’t understand how you can view Facebook viewing history on a phone. Surely you’d be using the app . Oh but recent searches do show don’t they.

Your initial post said "browser history/Google activity". That is demonstrably false, whichever browser you have installed knows nothing about the facebook application. You mention "time he looked at a photo on a website etc" - total boloney in the context of Facebook, which almost everyone accessed via the app.

You have now claimed you saw the history on the Facebook app - the activity section there tracks things like what you've liked, who you've (un)followed. It also tracks what you've searched. It does not track photos you've looked at.

Your initial post reeks of AI and probably a man stirring up trouble

See, this is why regulars are repulsed and attendance plummets -
this is a one and only thread from this OP
responding- posters accelerate the demise of this previously
excellent site formerly known as Mumsnet

I despair sometimes, I really do

I think there are quite a few blokes around who have this weird obsession with their exes and just can’t get over it.

i had an ex hung up on his ex too. Similar time frame - bloody years since she’d dumped him after leaching off him for years and her horrible daughter talking to him like shit. After years of no interest, she made a reappearance when we started dating - turns out he’d made contact with her and they’d met up for coffee and a chat 🙄. He used to complain we had too much sex and it was weird as she’d restricted sex to every few weeks.

We went on holiday and he dumped me when we got back. Came crawling back and admitted she’d offered another go at a relationship - lasted all of two weeks 😂😂😂. Was really surprised I didn’t want to try again. He reappeared again when I started dating my now DH and started leaving boxes of chocolates on my door handle. Even left a cheesecake one time 😂. Weirdo.

Just remembered I dated another bloke that was similar. He’d been split up for many years too but completely obsessed with his ex. I found lots of messages he’d sent to her while we’d been together - once she’d been to a concert in his home town and he’d seen her there and he sent her a message begging her not to ever go back there as it was too upsetting for him to see her 🙄. She’d ignored every single message and never given him any crumbs to think he had another chance yet she was all he ever thought of. Found loads of middle of the night calls he’d made to her number when he’d been drinking. None of which had been picked up. What a loser.

What annoyed me most was the absolute waste of my time. I’d made it clear at the beginning of dating that I didn’t want my time wasted and I needed honesty. I wasted multiple months on these two losers. After a shitty divorce from a fairly long marriage, these two wankers did nothing for my confidence. It did however make me very set on not accepting less and I met my DH who fit my list of requirements perfectly.

This. ^

You're micturating into a very strong breeze OP just finish it.

It seems he simply to much mental baggage which he hasn't unpacked properly and finally put away. Despite the amount of time that has lapsed , he is still not over the breakup with his ex wife and his thoughts remain obsessed with her. She occupies his mind daily. He needs therapy to deal with that. It's a type of grief.or limerance, , but maybe harder because she lives so close so he probably sees her . He might even be a stalker..

The only reason he is in a relationship with another woman is because he sees his ex has moved on, and he is going through the physical steps of trying to move on himself but can't mentally accept it's over. He was using you since he was not in a fit state to start a satisfactory ong term relationship with you .

You were right to end it because it was never going to work for you while he still imagines himself back with his ex.

Wow you have done well putting up with this for so long - dump and move on!

Really? Maybe OP isn't techy or as young as you and hadn't expressed this or understood it very well, but she's seen his history on FB at least from the sounds of it, sounds like other links and photos of her online, FB keeps a very precise good record of where you've been. On the app and the browser. I've just checked on my phone and my laptop and I can see the links to photos of every profile that I've accessed.

If I click on photos on say LinkedIn or on another website, then this can show up as accessing an IMG file. Or a link appears in Google and takes you straight to the photo. No idea how it would work in Safari but Android and Google are two of the best spies on the planet.

Your post misses the point. OP is upset by her boyfriend not being interested in her and still so hung up on his ex to the point that they don't have sex and it also sounds like he really doesn't like OP much at all. Upsetting to feel rejected, to find out another person is the reason for that rejection.

Try to be kind.

I've just asked Gemini and she categorically stated there is no way you could pick up someone's phone and find out what Facebook photos they have passively looked at it. If he was liking them or similar while wanking over them, that's totally different - but I strongly doubt he was.

I understand people changing details of the story like their kids ages etc for anonymity, but we are too often simply given a story which really stretches our creduliry.

I'm sorry OP, but the phone stuff doesn't make sense. And even if it did, I am not at all sure you had the right to take his phone and do an extensive search of everything he has ever looked at, just because you caught him wanking. (Also an odd story, you waltz into his bedroom at just the moment he is mid-wank; he doesn't hear you approach to the extent he does not even think to click off the ex's photo, but hides his phone instead.....) .

Thank you for your kind reply. You are right, I think I've got confused. So the Facebook thing, I could see all his SEARCHES for her. So multiple times a day and night. In other places.. platforms....like LinkedIn, other websites where she has a presence, if you search for her name in Google, she has loads of public photos online, like at least 20, and he was clicking on those every day. When I caught him masturbating, he had been searching for her on Facebook and then had one of her photos open that he looks at every day. God knows where from, but it's like if I do a search on Google for Katy Perry and click on Images, every image I click on gets saved in my Google Activity. Time and date accessed. That is what I saw.

Thank you Argana.

Well if I hadn't looked, I wouldn't have found out that I'm wasting my time, would I? He's a dishonest man and lying to me about her, sex, his real feelings.

Being strung along for company is a pretty shitty feeling and I certainly do not feel bad about looking at his phone. He should feel bad about lying to me.

He tried to say he was "just curious". Utter load of bollocks. I sincerely hope you never find yourself in this situation.

He said I could look at his phone, there was nothing on there, he wasn't talking to another woman, that he had nothing to hide. If I was suspicious then I could freely look.

He actually said I could pop in at any time and to surprise him.

Well thats a load of bollocks. I don't have the Facebook app on my phone. Lots of people don't. If the phone comes with it, I take it off.

I exclusively use Facebook through my internet browser. I've just clicked on my DPs profile to have a look at it, and come off. If I go into it now, it's there, along with the timestamp I went on.

If I click on each individual image, no it doesn't show the exact history. But it does show that I've visited a facebook page. So if his history shows that he went on his ex's profile, then a load of facebook pages, it's fairly obvious he's been looking at photos of her, and what time he was doing so.

Thank you! Thought I was losing my marbles! And there aren't many left to lose 😂