My husband went back with his ex that I’m worried about shortly after we broke up during our teen years and it has haunted me ever since. Am I overreacting?

[maedinanglps]

Back when me and my husband was 16 years old, we broke up, it was a painful breakup for the both of us but we came back together and he didn’t tell me what happened right away, I only knew abt it when we were 19. When we broke up, he went straight to his ex and also some other casual flings when I was beating myself up and crying all day. Fast forward to now, our marriage is great and we have 2 beautiful kids. There’s no argument about my husband cheating or anything of some sort, he is a good husband and a father to my kids, but sometimes it still bothers me. What should I do?

During the time you were broken up? Or is there another time you are talking about?

Do you feel that you have "grown up" since you were 16? It seems that you might be "stuck" in that phase of your life. If you're sure he's treating you and the DC well and isn't cheating then see if you can access some counselling around your confidence and self-esteem.

I would be horrified if anyone judged me now for the poor decisions I made at 16!

During the time when we are broken up, there’s no issue about him being a cheater or messaging girls behind my back when we were together, let alone when we got married. Thanks. I’ll try to ask for professional help.

If it still bothers you after all this time then you haven’t worked through it. You quickly got back together and buried those feelings rather than addressing them, allowing them to fester. The reason it still bothers you only you can answer but I’d guess you have a narrative about your relationship with your H and his behaviour during your break, didn’t align with it.

My advice, find a professional to do the work with. You owe that to you, your H and your children.

Good luck.

I am not saying this in an off hand way, I genuinely think you could use some form of therapy/ counselling.

It is not healthy to still be fixated on who he was with when you were broken up with teenagers. It sounds like you have self esteem/ insecurity issues inside yourself that need to be address. It will hopefully help you to have a more balanced future.

I was very skeptical of counselling for years (different issues) but it has actually changed my life for the better.

Focus on your children and make some goals for yourself, and forget about this.

This is the issue right here. One single person should never be “your world”. It isn’t healthy, for you or them.

Normal behaviour for the age. Especially given some people cope with their feelings through distraction.

He was a 16 year old child you need to get over this and grow up.

Having your DH as your best friend is a good thing, but he shouldn’t be your only friend.

It isn’t healthy for you or for your relationship.

You will be a better person, wife AND mother if you develop friendships outside your immediate family.

You’ve said that you have no friends to talk to and have made your world very small and focused around him. This isn’t healthy and you need to try and reclaim some independence and an identity of your own.