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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My best friend is leaving today

28 replies

OrangeGlacierMint · 07/08/2026 08:36

Today my best friend leaves and there’s a chance I will never see her in person again. My heart is breaking. She’s moving thousands of miles away.

We have been friends for so many years and she’s just someone I thought would always be there. The thought of carrying on my life without her just doesn’t seem right.
Her husband has secured a new job and she recently found out she’s expecting so they are settling down. I wish so much that all of this could have happened somewhere closer.

Due to my fear of flying and financial situation I very much doubt I will ever be able to visit her. Her husband has also made it obvious they have no intention in returning or even coming back to visit 🙄

It’s all so final. Since she told me I’ve led awake at night crying and it’s the first thing I think about when I wake up.
How is it possible that she won’t be here tomorrow!

I don’t know how I am even going to say goodbye later. I’m a sobbing mess already.

OP posts:
KimWexlersPonyTail · 07/08/2026 08:44

My BFF moved to US 30 years ago, just as you posted I noted a WhatsApp from her, WhatsApp is brilliant for keeping in touch and is free! I have managed 2 trips in that time and recently she has been over for very short visits due to aging parents.

Don't give up on never visiting though.

Pedant61 · 07/08/2026 08:47

She will always be there! Communication has never been easier, so you can continue to have a relationship with her - it just won't be a face to face one.

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · 07/08/2026 08:53

Her husband has also made it obvious they have no intention in returning or even coming back to visit 🙄

whats her view? Is she moving where she can’t leave without his permission? Does she not have family local to you still?

SirChenjins · 07/08/2026 08:53

I'm really sorry - I can well imagine how upset you are. When someone you love moves so far away, it can feel a bit like a bereavement and it really does hurt knowing that your contact with them will be so limited.

Take time to process it and to adjust - they key thing to remember is that you will get used to it and your friendship with her will look different, but life goes on and you will get through this. Our son moved thousands of miles away a few years ago and the first few months were difficult, even though I have a full life to keep me busy. Gradually though, we've adjusted and Facetime is great for keeping in touch.

Do you want to say goodbye in person later? You don't have to if you don't want to - you could message her and say you don't think you'll be able to hold it together, and wish her lots of love and a safe journey, tell her you'll speak once she's there and wish her lots of happiness. She's bound to be feeling apprehension and upset at leaving everyone too - and her husband can do one with his no visits, quite frankly.

There is a Facebook group called Scattered Families which is brilliant - it got me through the first few months, and everyone one there has been through the same thing so the advice, support and help was brilliant. Good luck - and it will be OK. Keep busy, arrange lots of things, and you will get through this.

Original poster
OrangeGlacierMint · 07/08/2026 08:55

Thank you both. I know we’re incredibly fortunate to be in a position where we can communicate many ways from such long distances.
I am just thinking selfishly that she will move on from me. I do hope she finds new friends, I really want her to live a happy life.
Also thinking selfishly, we always talked about how I would be there to help her raise her children. Mine and hers were going to be best of friends ( we hoped anyway) now it’s looking unlikely they will ever even meet.

OP posts:
Original poster
OrangeGlacierMint · 07/08/2026 08:59

@SirChenjinsi want to give her one last hug. Also have a gift for her. I think I would be even more heartbroken if I didn’t get this last chance to say goodbye. I need to be strong one last time.

OP posts:
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 07/08/2026 09:04

@OrangeGlacierMint I was heartbroken when my BF left - 4 days before my first baby was born. It’s a very valid feeling.

Elieza · 07/08/2026 09:09

it’s crap when that happens. but even to keep in touch would be good.

sounds like you need to put your fear of flying behind you and visit her. if it’s just that holding you back?

BA and others used to do training sessions for those who are scared of flying.

my friend went on one so she could take her kids abroad on holidays. they were really good with her and explained a lot and dispelled myths. she said it was worth it.

her advice is to go on that training thing quite soon before you go with dh or whomever so it’s all fresh in your mind.

oh and keep going regularly to reinforce “it’s ok to fly” or you'll get back in your old ways of being scared.

she still doesn’t like flying but she’s ok with it now and goes once or twice a year.

if you could do that then you could still arrange with her to go on holiday to say spain or whatever once a year and take your families alone. or go without them once you can fly.

maybe start a thread about how to get over a fear of flying and see what others suggest?

Ethelspagetti · 07/08/2026 09:47

I agree with a previous poster, it does feel like a bereavement. She’ll send you lots of messages then it will tail off into occasional texts and voice notes. It’s important you find other friends too otherwise you’re going to feel left behind, when she’s formed her new friendships. It’s a shame she’s moving away as close rude or die friends are very hard to find. I lost mine a long time ago and I still miss that friendship now. No other friendship has ever come close.

Likeiloveyou · 07/08/2026 09:52

I think it’s time to seriously address your fear of flying.

Original poster
OrangeGlacierMint · 07/08/2026 10:12

Unfortunately, it’s not just my fear of flying holding me back. Realistically, I wouldn’t be able to afford to travel there. Not for the foreseeable future anyway.

OP posts:
Gengha · 07/08/2026 11:31

Why won’t they ever come back? Don’t they have family still here?

I feel for you OP sounds really hard

DontTeaseMyDog · 07/08/2026 19:59

How was it, how are you?

MeganM3 · 07/08/2026 20:03

You never know what life has in store, she might come back.

MrsMoastyToasty · 07/08/2026 20:06

Does she relatives where you live?

Gateappreciation · 07/08/2026 20:18

Can you set up a time to FaceTime her regularly? Keep the contact going.

parallhel · 07/08/2026 20:19

It is a very normal feeling when someone you are very close to is moving far far away. It seems so final.

However, you will keep in touch I'm sure and it will be fun finding out about her new life.

I think in a way you are right and should prepare yourself in time for your lives to move off in different directions eventually. That doesn't mean you won't still be friends, but location and distance will change things. You have acknowledged that.

It is upsetting, but you have to be mature about this. She is not dead, think how that would feel.

You will make more friends and life will go on. I wish you the best, chin up and onwards and upwards.

Victorius19 · 07/08/2026 20:22

Things will change but you both need to make the effort to stay in regular contact. She will need her friends and a lot of support moving so far away and leaving her entire support network behind her.

You may find it's too much for her and she's back before you know it. Though I would be worried if her DH is behind this move and it's so she can never move back to the UK with their child.. in which case she is going to need an anchor here.

Original poster
OrangeGlacierMint · 07/08/2026 21:22

Thank you everyone for all your replies. It’s really helped me feel less lonely.
They left a couple of hours ago. I tried so hard to keep it together but I broke down when she pulled up in the car. We all cried.
Walking back home I felt a chill in the air and it dawned on me that as the seasons change she won’t be here with me. It’s hard to explain but it was a horrible feeling. Thinking of all the years we’ve spent together.
She said once she’s settled she will face time me and show me around their new home.
It’s been a tough day!

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 07/08/2026 23:18

really feel for you - it's so tough. I remember crying my eyes out as the taxi drove our son and his girlfriend away, it was really hard. My commute to work takes me past the motorway slip road to the flat and that was tough for many weeks. I'm four years on and it's ok - life has shifted a bit, but it's we're doing fine. You'll get there, it will just take time. Try and fill the next few weeks with as many nice things as possible and go easy on yourself Flowers

Roundthemaypole · 07/08/2026 23:26

Ethelspagetti · 07/08/2026 09:47

I agree with a previous poster, it does feel like a bereavement. She’ll send you lots of messages then it will tail off into occasional texts and voice notes. It’s important you find other friends too otherwise you’re going to feel left behind, when she’s formed her new friendships. It’s a shame she’s moving away as close rude or die friends are very hard to find. I lost mine a long time ago and I still miss that friendship now. No other friendship has ever come close.

Actually it doesn't feel like a bereavement at all. My best friend and I moved several hours away from each other and then, a few years later, she died. We were best friends for over 40 years, since primary school. There's really no comparison....

OP you can travel to see her if you really want to, and you'll be able to stay in touch as often as you want, it's never been easier. It will be fine once you get used to it.

fartoomuchtoblerone · 07/08/2026 23:28

I really feel for you. My BF moved to Australia and it was hard. I still miss her a lot even though we stay in contact and have good long video calls every couple of months. One of the things that feels most sad is that we’re not really anything to each other’s children, who were all really tiny when they left. It is what it is though and I’m just glad we can stay in touch and are still besties. It’s ok to feel all the emotions about this, it is such a loss.

Divebar2021 · 07/08/2026 23:35

Well I’d not be confident about never seeing her again. The likelihood of them never returning even for a short visit seems incredibly unlikely. Unless you’ve lived abroad before I don’t think you really know how you feel. In your position I’d open a little savings “ pot” and start stashing a regular amount away even if it’s £10 a month. It’s also possible to have hypnotherapy for fear of flying … my mum completely overcame her fears this way.

Ilovelurchers · 08/08/2026 00:58

Sorry to hear this, but try not to fear the worst.

Surely she has family here she may want to visit at some point? I found it a bit worrying that you said her husband had made it clear they wouldn't come back, not her - is he a bit controlling? If so, best possible outcome maybbe that she leaves him and you see her sooner than you think.

But the main thing I came on to say is that, if you do decide to address your fear of flying, hypnotherapy can work really well for this. Some hypno-therapists specialise in phobia cures, and the treatment can be surprisingly quick for some people, and not as expensive as you might think.

AplineDaisies · 08/08/2026 01:23

I completely understand OP. I had a friend who moved to her native Oz when she was expecting. She had been a close friend for the several years she was here. I bawled so much when she left. This was before SM of any sort.
I think it will be different for you as you'll be able to communicate more often.
But yes, it is sad what you are going through.
I feel grateful I had this lovely friend for the years I did. We now communicate through FB.

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