Is a thank you expected for cash wedding gifts nowadays?

[Littleferns]

What is the etiquette these days for thanking people who give you money in lieu of wedding gifts these days?
Obviously I know most people have already got their houses etc by the time they get married these days and it’s very normal to ask for money for honeymoon or towards a bigger purchase rather than towels or toasters like it was whwn I got married. The last couple of weddings I have been to have included an online means of donating this money. I am always happy to do this but neither of the bride/grooms have sent even a message to say thank you.

Am I being old fashioned expecting a thank you? My partner thinks you shouldn’t give to expect a thank you whereas I think it’s common courtesy and it isn’t difficult to ping an email or message via messenger/text.

You should send thank you's for all gifts in any circumstances.

A text or email is sufficient. Definitely don’t expect or want a thank you card. We sent them out for ours, but that seems outdated and unnecessary now tbh. I don’t need a bride and groom to thank me, I gave them the money to thank them for including me in their special day and host me.

A family member got married abroad last year, we wasn't invited but I popped a card with some money through their letter box ready for when they got home. I didn't even receive an acknowledgement or a thank you from them. No falling out on our side of the family, although there had been on his side so I suspect this was the reason we didn't get an invite so as to not rock the boat with his family but even a quick Facebook message to say thanks would have been nice

Yes.

So rude. Bet you wish you hadn't bothered.

I'm the same, I wouldn't expect a thank you. My gift is to thank the couple for hosting me and having me at their special day.

Thank you for all your responses. Whilst I am not alone in thinking it’s somewhat rude not to acknowledge a gift, it is interesting that there are a significant number of people who would be unbothered by this.
I personally think it’s an interesting reflection on today’s society that so many people don’t feel the need to say a simple thank you to acknowledge they’ve received the gift and are grateful. Maybe too many people now just take things for granted. As a parent of young adults I would be sad if they chose not to thank someone for a gift.

It's extremely rude not to thank someone for a gift. The fact that it is cash is immaterial. I'm amazed that anyone could think that it's fine not to. Interesting to note that Taylor Swift wrote handwritten messages of thanks to everyone who attended her wedding, clearly the girl has manners. She didn't take her guests for granted and expect them to simply be oh-so grateful they were invited.

Of course you send a written thank you. Dont be rude

I think it’s so crass seeking cash as a wedding gift, especially if you do already have a house. If you can afford a wedding with guests, at least have a gift list.

We sent a handwritten thank you note to everyone and detailed what we’d spent the money on. It was all for our honeymoon in Japan so it was fun to thank people for a night in a nice restaurant or private onsen etc.

No thank you, just means they have No manners, very rude

I must be old (okay, I am 70) but in my life, we say thank you IN WRITING. There's a brief card to thank anyone who invited you to lunch or dinner, and a proper note on paper for a weekend away. If we are invited to a party or weekend away or a wedding, we write to thank the host or bride's parents (if it was their invitation) or the bridge and groom if it was theirs. If I receive a birthday gift, I send a note of thanks.

It is the biggest division between the working class and the polite class. My niece who is most definitely international middle class, has two small children, of 8 and 5. The eight-year-old is sat down and told to write a thank you note for any presents at Christmas or birthday. His little brother will be expected to do the same in about 18 months. It will not be negotiable.

My late DM was horrified when a boyfriend of mine failed to send a thank you card, but even more horrified when he sent one with money in it. Happily he redeemed himself by giving her a really handsome pottery ashtray (it was the 70s) which she kept until the end of her life, long after we split up! The thoughtfulness of the gift is what really matters.

I attended the evening part of the wedding of one of DS1's friends just over a year ago with DH. We were delighted to be asked; we've known the groom since he was a child but didn't have any expectation of an invitation at all. We gave a generous cash gift, but no thanks have been received. I'm probably old fashioned, but I think it's very rude. I'd have been happy with a text; just an acknowledgement really.

I went to a wedding at the start of the summer and gave a cash gift - no thank you and don’t expect I’ll get one now so much time has passed.
I think it is very rude, especially knowing full well how much effort the bride put into every detail for the day. Surely it isn’t hard to extend that to a quick thank you - for attending and for the gift.

Did they say thank you in person? Not saying thank you at all is rude but I think if you say it in person there’s no need to follow up with another after the event.

I would disagree with you, quite vehemently. A wedding is a formal commitment with a ceremony that changes legal status and relationships. Absolutely say your thank you in person at the time, but a written acknowledgement afterwards is just as important.

I'd send a text to thank a friend for coffee.

The last three weddings I’ve sent a cash gift for have not even been acknowledged let alone received a thank you for. It seems that manners are a dying art, and leaves a slightly bad taste to be honest. A basic copy and paste text wouldn’t even be so bad, at least you know they actually received it and it didn’t get lost somehow at the venue.

Do you not write to thank them for the hospitality they offered you at the wedding?

Exactly.

Manners maketh the person.

Everyone so damn grabby these days. I'd even accept a bloody Facebook status saying thank you so much to everyone blah blah blah...

I gave money as a gift on my cousin's wedding. I was invited to the evening do, which is not a problem (genuinely as I know some people get funny about these things) it was just a buffet style laid down out in a rented out room. Buy your own drinks event.
Didn't get any acknowledgement whatsoever.

My cousin can be a rude cow anyway, she doesn't always reply to messages or takes days so I've just given up.

I would expect a thank you. Attending a wedding usually takes a lot of effort.

When we got married we sent the thank you's by post the next day. We had asked for no gifts, were still given some, but regardless every guest got a thank you and every person who sent us a card wishing us well, even though they weren't at the wedding, also got a thank you card.

I don't they're unbothered. I suspect they just have particularly low standards or expectations of other people.

Yes I agree as older relaitives may put cash or cheques into a wedding card, rather than use online banking. At least an acknowledgement is necessary, just by text message, or e mail for everyone. Perhaps thank you cards could be reserved for people who dont use new technology. Otherwise it indicates a total lack of appreciation.

Of course it is! Now it's uber easy to do online so extra rude not to send one. Wouldn't anyone want to anyway? Basic manners.

I’m in my 60s, so no doubt take an old-fashioned view of this but it seems extraordinary to me that people wouldn’t expect to thank others for wedding presents, whether cash or not.

Like others, I have given cash, not been thanked, and ended up wondering whether the money in the card ever reached the bride and groom. It would be embarrassing to ask, and I don’t.

When I got married, I hand-wrote personal thank you letters to everyone who gave us presents. That was quite an undertaking, but I had sent them all within a month of the wedding. These days, email makes sending thank yous an easy task and, in my view, there is absolutely no excuse for not doing so.