I’m at a point in my marriage where I honestly don’t know whether I want to stay anymore, and I’d really appreciate some outside perspectives.
My husband plays to gigs with his band three or four nights a week. I know it’s something he loves and I don’t want to be the person who stops him doing what makes him happy, but the reality is that his lifestyle puts a huge amount of strain on me.
I’m running my own business which we run together and is very much a two person operation, dealing with the house and dogs, and I feel like I’m constantly working or taking care of something. I’m exhausted to the point that I’m making mistakes with work because I’m so tired. But he gets to do all these amazing things while I hold up all his responsibilities.
The house is also constantly messy after him, he just dumps his stuff everywhere. I do deep cleans every week because I desperately want a calm, peaceful home, and it feels like I’m forever fighting to maintain it with him being so thoughtless. I feel like I’m sacrificing the peaceful, enjoyable life I want so that he can continue having the life he wants.
I’ve tried telling him how unhappy and overwhelmed I am, but I don’t feel heard. I feel unsupported, unseen and taken for granted. When I tell him I’m struggling and really not coping he says the problem is that I don’t have hobbies of my own, he makes my feel very invalid and doesn't take over so I can have some form of respite.
But I don’t feel like hobbies are the issue. I don’t feel bored or jealous that he has interests. I feel completely burnt out. I want enough time and energy to actually enjoy my life, I don't want it to pass me by, he's putting me in a situation I don't want to be in.
Recently I’ve found myself looking at rooms on SpareRoom and Airbnb and imagining going away by myself for a week, away from my husband, the dogs, the business and the mess he leaves behind just so I can have some peace and quiet and a tidy space where nobody needs anything from me.
I’m also questioning whether I still love him. At the moment he makes me deeply unhappy, and I feel trapped in a life where I’m constantly sacrificing while he gets to carry on doing what he wants and I'm left behind doing two people's jobs.
My mental health has become very poor and, at my lowest, there is no thought towards me no thanks, I feel like I'm locked out of my favourite rock show and everyone is having a good time except from me.
I don’t know whether I’m so exhausted and resentful that everything in the marriage currently feels worse, whether we need a temporary separation and some space, or whether this relationship has simply reached the end.
If you were in my position, what would you do?
Has anyone reached this level of resentment and managed to rebuild their marriage? Did time apart help you work out what you actually wanted?
And if you did leave, did life eventually become peaceful again?