Co-sleeping causing issues with DH

[TrianglePlace]

I have two bad sleepers - 3 and 5 year olds. They’ve always been terrible sleepers. The older one only wakes once or twice a night and just needs a cuddle whereas the younger one wakes several times and wants you next to him.

After five years of this I am exhausted, so for the past few months, I have started co-sleeping with one or both of them. DC sleep like a log when I’m next to them and after five years, I’m finally getting decent sleep. I really can’t stress the impact the years of limited and broken sleep has had on me.

Except now DH complains he’s alone at night and hates sleeping by himself. He’s generally unhappy we don’t spend enough time together as it is but we both work in demanding jobs and have young children so that’s not unusual. But the sleeping alone is really upsetting him.

So what the fuck do I do? I share a bed with my husband and I have to get up around five times a night between the two children, and destroy myself in the process. Or I sleep with my children and neglect our relationship even further.

Things are very much not 50 / 50. He never really got up with the DC overnight and so on the rare occasion he would get up, they would get themselves so worked up wanting me.

What the fuck do I do?

Sounds like you have three dependants who "need" you to sleep next to them. Only two of them have an excuse!!

Could you schedule time together in the evenings once the kids are asleep, and then have some bonding or intimacy, then go to your separate beds to sleep? Lots of couples sleep apart.

Could you get a huge bed and all sleep in it together?

Exactly. Does DH hate being alone, or does he hate being 'alone'?
Get a family bed and all co sleep.

Unless there are possible ND reasons...There are many cultures where the children sleep with their Mums routinely. You must be allowed to sleep, why shouldn't you? Have you pointed out that af some point you'll collapse if you can't?
Why not say to H its only for a little while until HE gets them sleeping independently.
Are you sure you want to sleep with him, though? I think some women subconsciously use their children as a shield. He sounds selfish.

They need you, he wants you...

Presume he wants sex? Can't he schedule it another time in the day?

Can you guys sleep with one child separately if the bed isn’t big enough?

Wake him up and send him to deal with the kids 5 times a night. If they get worked up, he's going to be awake even longer.

I'm sure he'll rethink this position pretty quickly.

I think if you've been the one getting up for five years, whilst he has had unbroken sleep, he's forfeited all right to complain. If he's so lonely, can he co-sleep with the one who isn't with you?

If it's not actually about loneliness, and it's about sex - have you pointed out that a well rested wife will almost certainly be more interested in that than an exhausted wife?

will the children sleep better if they co-sleep or room share, or does it have to be you?