Am I overreacting about his lack of filter and inappropriate comments?

[soupertruper]

I've been dating a guy for a few months and he's really honest to the point of having no filter. We were out and he said 'look at that woman, do you think she's deliberately chosen to wear a t-shirt where you can her nipples so clearly?'. Another time he said he was walking down the street and could see a young woman/teen with her parents and that he could see the exact shape and size of her breasts and nipples to the point he could have drawn them and said he wanted to tell her parents so they could tell her to cover up.

I get the impression he's just not got a filter/awareness of how it comes across and is not being creepy or pervy. But it's all just icky and makes me feel uncomfortable.

He also has no awareness of how he comes across to others. He made a joke to his friend's wife about how they could elope with each other once her husband had left the room briefly to go to the toilet and couldn't understand why it had upset them or would upset someone after they bought it up. He was like it's just a joke and even funnier because he definitely doesn't fancy her. I was trying to explain I would be weirded out/upset by it if his friend has said it to me,

He has a tendency to overshare very personal thoughts/opinions and I just think keep them in your head. Not sure if I ought to be glad he's so open, but sometimes it's hurtful. I feel uncomfortable with him meeting my friends in case he says something embarrassing. Am I overreacting/being a prude or is this all a bit odd?

I think it’s time to call a day on this relationship. His comments are grossly inappropriate whether he means them or not. You don’t want to waste any more time with this guy. Time to move on.

If he has no filter and his friends have commented, it may be that he has ADHD as brain/mouth disconnect is a common feature and seems to mesh with your description of him.

However:
a) even if that is the case, it’s been pointed out to him and he needs to stop doing it
b) even if this is the case, it shows what is going on in his brain… ie that he is a misogynistic creep and a bit of a perv.

We’re all ADHD in my extended family - no filters engaged a lot of the time and NONE of the men in my family have ever talked about women like this.

So, yes, regardless, he’s a creep. You don’t enjoy being with him.
And you can dump someone for any - or even no - reason.

I'm afraid to say that I'd get rid of this man fast, as one day he's going to eye up some women's or teenagers' boobs too much, and their other halves or dads are going to take exception to this, and I dont think you want to be around him then. It does sound to me like he might possibly be on the autistic spectrum, but I'm not sure,what the answer to this is.

So what if he is?

That doesn't mean OP has to put up with his revoltingly crass remarks.

Yes. Am so TIRED of reading about a man's godawful shit behaviour and then seeing the avalanche of "maybe he's ND".

No, ND is NOT an excuse for sexist, vile behaviour!

This guy is objectifying a teenager's breast FFS! It's fucking disgusting. You think that that poor teenage girl - just walking around minding her own business - didn't fucking notice his lecherous gaze?

I had that shit starting in prepubescence and it is fucking creepy and scary to be seen as a piece of meat.

@soupertruper Yep, he's open and honest alright - an open and honest creep in fact. As for his family saying that you're "the one" within five minutes of meeting you. Sounds like they're absolutely desperate to get him coupled off. I can only imagine how many other women he's frightened away.

I had a short relationship with someone who called himself a truth-teller. Constantly told me that all men lied so at least he was getting the truth with me.
Which included a constant stream of comments about women, that there should be no age of consent once a girl was having periods she should be able to get shagged, which of my friends he fancied, comments about his best friend’s wife which made me wince, I couldn’t handle it in the end.
He had two daughters as well and would make comments in front of them - well, they may as well know the truth about fellas, Petula.
After we had split up everyone breathed a sigh of relief from my world.
He was grim. Anyone who makes comments about teenage girls is vile.

Glad you're going to jettison him into the big blue yonder.
Funny how all of his honesty has sexual connotations.🤔

He's a creep. And a rude one at that. Not about having a filter. He should stop being nosey and judgemental about strangers and have some respect for women in general.

He's testing you to see if you think it's acceptable for him to be so disrespectful about women. And then he'll start doing it to you. And the disrespect comes from hating women, honestly just get rid. A man that feels comfortable openly slagging off women he doesn't even know is not a good choice of partner. There are millions of single men, you can do better.

He sounds a sex pest . Throw him back you deserve better and his mouth will get him a sore face one day if he is not careful.

Eurgh my friend’s partner is like this - always talking about booobs, regardless of the age of the teen / girl / woman they belong to, brings boobs into most conversations somehow, it’s so creepy. He’s in his late 50’s so never going to change. It’s pathetic - so disrespectful and sexist and there’s not a chance in hell I would put up with it. I don’t know how she stands it.
If someone is like this they’re just like this and it’s definitely not fair to blame it on autism! That’s a very different type of no filter honesty.

Does the Benny Hill music follow him about? It should do. Creepy.

@PetulaGordeno haha pretty much - and he of course thinks he’s hilarious! 😖 he’s not.

I wouldn't last 5 minutes with a man like that. He'd drive me up the wall. I'd be embarrassed to introduce him to anyone. If you feel you need to keep apologising or making excuses for your partner then you are with the wrong person.

I know a man like this. His wife his lovely and very popular but they often don't get invited to things because of him and his filter-less brain, big gob and inappropriate 'jokes.'

Have you never pulled him up on any of these comments?

Yes, he looked upset and said he would stop. I just got the ick and felt like a nag thought it shouldn't be my job to tell that he should have enough emotional intelligence to know not to say it. But he's so emotionally intelligent in general which is what made me fall for him so it's been such a strange out of character thing - almost like it's another person saying/thinking these things. I can't explain it - even his friends said he self-sabotages relationships/friendships with these comments which are so out of character. His friends are lovely and not like this at all - they're genuinely really respectful towards women and me. So weird

Not your problem to fix.

Yet another thread and yet another comment where being ND apparently makes you a pervy nobhead who says weird filthy things.

Autism does not equal pervert or bad behaviour. Neither does ADHD.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

ND is the new they must be bipolar on mumsnet.

Could he possibly be on the Autism spectrum? Not very good with social cues? Is he also unnecessarily blunt?

Oh god another one

ND is not an excuse for openly sexualising teenage girls FFS!

He's spouting absolute bullshit. Please don't buy it. Decent men don't go around looking at women/young girls tshirts to see if their nipples are showing and comment on them. Don't let him get in your head - your initial reaction was spot on - he is a perv!

I never suggested that it was an excuse, only that it might be an explanation. I’ve worked with people on the spectrum, who, with support and guidelines, have learned what’s acceptable in conversation and what isn’t. Or, this guy could just be dick. Who
knows? Not me OR LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta

Does he make personal comments about big massive blokes who could knock his teeth out or just teenage girls?

As a 13 year old who acquired fairly large breasts seemingly overnight, men who openly stared and commented - or just stared - were vile perves who made me feel ashamed, exposed and angry. The bastards.

It's not the behaviour of an emotionally intelligent man, regardless of how they behave at other times.

He’s not emotionally intelligent he is manipulative!!!

please go and register with women’s aid and do the courses to learn what is abuse and what an abuser looks like and what a healthy relationship is