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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Help my best mates husband tried it on

94 replies

plopers · 16/01/2003 17:07

Last weekend my dh and myself went out with my b/f and her husband, they all had a bit to drink except me (on antibiotics), we went back to their house for a drink and i went to the loo and her dh came up and locked the door and made a pass. I told him to get lost but he just kept coming until i shouted out, he released me and went downstairs. When i returned my bf was telling my dh how wonderful he is etc etc, i am torn between what to do. Help (name changed)

OP posts:

Scatterbrain · 31/01/2003 13:33

Hi Plopers, I'd see her too - but try to remain fairly detached - she obviously needs you, but she also needs to apologise to you and put the record straight with all your other friends. They will see now who was telling the truth anyway though - as he has spoken with his feet !

Good Luck and be brave.

lou33 · 31/01/2003 14:17

I agree with Sobernow and Scatterbrain. I suspect she was lashing out at you instead of her not so dh out of fear and hurt, and people react in extraordinary ways to bad news. I'd get in touch but stay distanced, let her say what she wants and take it from there. I agree she's probably just realised the enormity of what she has lost between you, and wants to apologise.

Original poster

plopers · 02/02/2003 16:08

I called my friend (against my better judgement), and she came round for a chat, for the first 20 mins all she kept going on about is what a git her dh was, and how could he have done that to her etc etc (no tear though), i finally said "don't you have something to say to me then", at which she replied "yeah guess you were right then", no sorry for not believing me, coming round my house shouting abuse, or slagging me to my friends, at this point she was moaning about her dh, then asked if i would have dd for the night so she could have break, relax have a bath etc etc. I reluctantly agreed even though i had to cancel plans. She was due to pick up dd at 10am, at 11am still nothing so i called, no reply as she doesn't have a car and i do i took her home, after 5 minutes banging on the door i was greated by a rude friend dressed in her nightie saying "why could you keep her longer", followed by a half-naked strange man. I lost if completely told her dd to play upstairs and told her i wanted nothing more to do with her, and which point she replied "good F**k off, and sort your hubby out cause it aint just mine who tried it on" then laughed and shut the door. Is this the same person i knew for all them years. Please do not tell me there is anything left of this friendship.

Oh and i completely trust my hubby, but it really hurt more than anything else she could say then she would want me to go through what she did.

OP posts:

EmmaTMG · 02/02/2003 17:01

Nothing really constructive to add but I think you're well shot of her. She's already sleeping with someone else and probably has been before all this happen, and expects you to look after her child while she does it!
Mmmmm what a nice girl!

EmmaTMG · 02/02/2003 17:06

Oh and to tar your DH with the same brush as hers is really Sh*t too.
Surely if this was true...which I'm not saying it is...she would have told you the first time all this came up, she's just being spitful. Arrrgghhhhh I'm angry just thinking about all this, I can't begin to imagine how mad you must be.

lou33 · 02/02/2003 17:18

She sounds like she is very depressed and still doesn't know how to cope. She is lashing out at you because she wants you to see how she is feeling. Sleeping with someone else so quickly is probably a way of reaffirming her attractiveness to the opposite sex. The comment about your dh was probably done to deflect that she hadn't picked her daughter up combined with the fact that there was a naked man in her house. You seem to have a v strong relationship with him so I wouldn't even give it a second thought.

Fwiw I would say you tried your best, but just leave her alone now, she's obviously not ready for such a good friendship.

sobernow · 02/02/2003 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jac34 · 02/02/2003 19:36

IMO the woman has a damn cheek, I would not even bother speaking to her in future.
She obviously does not think of anyone but herself !!!

Original poster

plopers · 02/02/2003 20:17

If i hadn't of got in touch, then it would have eaten away at me, so i did the right thing by getting in touch and now i am happy not to see her again, its a shame because i was very fond her of dd.

OP posts:

jac34 · 02/02/2003 20:56

Can you imagine how confused her DD must be, Mummy & Daddy just split up, and she's already bringing strange men into the house. I always feel so sorry for the children, if she was any kind of mother she would be at home with her DD, trying to make the child feel secure, instead of out picking up fellas.
I also have great sympathy for you Plopers, to have been treated so badly by someone you thought of as a friend.

Original poster

plopers · 22/02/2003 17:55

UPDATE: Ex friend is now back with her dh. They are even arranging to have their vows renewed. She has completely blown out everyone who knows about him and his ways. I bumped into them in a pub, she flung herself round him in a pathetic manner, telling me to keep my hand off her man.
Was a bit upset at being spoken to in this manner as we were with some of our mutual friends, but did enjoy seeing her dh puke over her shoes an hour later. Good luck to them, they need it and deserve each other.

OP posts:

gosh2 · 22/02/2003 19:10

Plopers do these ex-friends of yours appear on our TVs every Wed night disguised as "Footballers Wives"!!

How embarassing what she said to you. Chin up, you did the right thing I think. You have my support.

I just hope you didnt get too upset.

gosh2 · 22/02/2003 19:12

What happened other woman who has his baby?

forgot to ask you?

Original poster

plopers · 22/02/2003 20:19

As far as I know her DH is saying this women was a bit loose and denying that the baby is his, think they are planning to move away.

I was a little upset, but only because a few months ago we had regular evening with these people and thought of them as our friends.

When her hh puked on her shoes I just walked past and said 'Oh dear, hope that wasn't real suede'. I forgot to mention that ealier on in the evening she attempted to chat up my dh at the bar.

How can someone change so much so soon. Still I have met a lovely lady through work and we went round there house last night for a meal and got on famously, so I have moved on.

OP posts:

Wills · 22/02/2003 20:42

Glad to hear you're moving on. The ex-friend is simply not worthy of you! But that doesn't stop the hurt.

MandyD · 22/02/2003 22:58

Aaargh, I don't know about Footballers Wives - they sound like classic Jerry Springer or Trisha or any other show on Living TV!) territory. Just be glad to be out of the situation, although it must be awful to have been treated in this way through a friendship you'd invested a fair lot in.

gosh2 · 23/02/2003 08:41

Plopers I do think that she may still realise she has made a complete mistake. And sometime in the future whether it is years or longer she may just phone you out of the blue and admit she was wrong.

You are funny, "hope that wasn't real suede"!

Batters · 23/02/2003 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lou33 · 23/02/2003 10:44

It sounds like there's an awful lot of denial going on in your ex best friends house plopers.

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