Help my best mates husband tried it on

[plopers]

Last weekend my dh and myself went out with my b/f and her husband, they all had a bit to drink except me (on antibiotics), we went back to their house for a drink and i went to the loo and her dh came up and locked the door and made a pass. I told him to get lost but he just kept coming until i shouted out, he released me and went downstairs. When i returned my bf was telling my dh how wonderful he is etc etc, i am torn between what to do. Help (name changed)

SimonHoward, what is your point? Do you mean there may be women on this mumsnet site?!

Gosh2

If there aren't women on this site then i'm in deep trouble. I told DW that I was getting help from a load of women if it now turns out you are all men in disguise I'm gonna look preety dumb.

SimonHoward you won't be the first man to look dumb on this site

Or the first man to look dumb...

prufrock and gosh2

Thank you ladies

I realise now I walked straight into that one.

Things have actually got worse, my ex-friend has been trying to poisen people against me, i got so annoyed i went round there for, well i don't know what for, but we ended up in a slanging match. Our friendship is 100% over, she has sunk to new depths of low-ness (is that a word!!!), all she has done is make herself look stupid, and he had tried it on with several of her friends, who have now spoken up, but aparantly they are just doing it because i told them too (didn't realise i was that powerful).

Men eh (no offence simonhoward)

Plopers I'm sorry I thought your friend's dh might be more innocent - he obviously isn't. But my advice to you would be to back off now and lay low as far as your friend is concerned. It doesn't matter what she spouts off about you, no-one is believing her anyway. I know this is the last thing you want to do right now, but let's look at things from her point of view. A week ago her life was fine, she was in love and had lots of friends. This week she has found out that her bloke has tried it on with many of her friends, including her best friend, then her best friend's husband punches her husband, and all of a sudden her life is in tatters. Does she have children too?

I am guessing that she is probably in shock and is retaliating to save what precious little she has. I agree that she is going the wrong way about it, but she would rather blame you than him. What would you do if one of your friends accused your dh of doing the same? Wouldn't you be inclined to turn against that friend and blame them rather than believe for one moment, that the man you love and cherish could be responsible for this sexual harrassment?

Give her time to accept his guilt, which she must surely do now others have come forward. I know you are hurting too and she is obviously saying some nasty things, but you know your friend best, she is not normally like this is she? Only a major catastrophy would make her behave this way. So please don't condemn your friendship over this, in a while she may need your help and support to get through life knowing what she does. She has some tough decisions to make, and knowing that she has lost her friends won't be making it any easier for her.

I hope things get better for you soon.

(SimonHoward - you are funny!)

Good advice Rhubarb.

Ploppers

None taken.

Rhubarb

i try to be.

I've always found it is diffcult to frown and smile at the same time. So if I make people smile then just maybe they will keep the smile instead of frowning and be happier because of it.

You old softie Simonhoward

Bozza

SSSSHHHHHH!!!!

Start spreading that sort of thing around and my rep will be totally ruined.

Plopers has this woman who is preggers by him "disappeared". Surely your BF must believe you on the basis of the other woman phoning her up? - or was that you phoning and disguising your voice?!

Oh Plopers I'm so sorry, Agree with Rhubarb though - you are the innocent party and anyone with half a brain will see that straight off. Your friend is just lashing out because she wants to blame someone other than her dh - when he is clearly the lowest slimiest sleaze-ball on the planet !

Just carry on with your life and let them sort it out ! Who needs friends like that anyway - you've got all your new cyber best friends anyway !!

Big Cyber Hug coming your way - and very big cyber slap going their way (Grrrrrrr !!)

SIIIIIIIMMMONNNN HOOOOOOOOWAAAAAARD ISSSS A SOOOOOOOOFFFFFFTTTIIEEEE!!
(Just in case anyone missed it!)

Susanmt

SSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Not so loud.

As others have said - I would let it be - your true friends will know - particularly if he has tried it on with others... She deserves her fate ... If she chooses to believe her husband then she has to own the consequences that comes from that behaviour.. if people believe what she is saying about you then you don't need them in your life either. I am a good one for culling'trash' and negativity from my life. It is tough enough without people like this tearing you down.

Oh I dunno, aren't we being a bit hard on her ex-friend here? How would any of you cope with the revelations that your dh has made another woman pregnant and has been trying it on with most of your friends? People do things they later regret when they are in shock. Haven't we all made mistakes in the past? Where would we be now if there wasn't someone there to forgive us?

Plopers - I don't know how you feel about your friend now. But rather than "cull" her, what about a letter asking her not to contact you for a while, but that when all this dies down, you are still there for her? That's about as much as I would do. There may come a time when she really does look back with regret at the way she handled the situation, and she may be very grateful indeed for a forgiving and sympathetic friend. Please don't throw away your friendship now, it obviously meant a lot to you before and was very special, it can still be special. But I do understand this requires a lot of forgiveness and tolerance on your part. It's up to you. I hope you and your dh have recovered from it all now.

SimonHoward - "if I make people smile then just maybe they will keep the smile instead of frowning and be happier because of it." BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARF! Are you made of cheese?!

Rhubarb

Not cheese, slugs and snails and puppydogs tails.

Surely you knew what boys were made of.

Well things have taken another turn, my ex-friends dh has left her, to be with the women he got pregnant, I know this because my ex-friend has left several messages on my mobile and answerphone, i really do not know what to do, 99% of me recons i should leave her alone, after all what happens if he comes back, will she get all narked at me again, the things she has done is unforgivable, but then there is the 1% that remember my old friend.

If i was 100% sure she wouldn't take him back, i would call her. She was cruel and evil about me and i do not think that i can forgive.

I'd leave it until things settle down a bit, all still a bit too heated. Get on with your own life, if she was a good friend once, she still can be in the future. You just need a break.

It's something i would think very hard about if i were you. I have loads of acquaintences but only a handful of true friends, if any of them were to say my hubby had done something like that then i would go spare yes, but I'd have it out with him and make sure that if he was drunk or not he must keep away from my friends and if it happens again he's out, i think i would only give my hubby benefit of the doubt once, luckily he has the same attitude. I'm a great believer in friendships are made to last a lifetime but some relationships aren't. If your ex b/f had her suspicions about her hubby in the first place and had had other people telling her then she can't have been a true friend to go off on one with you lke that and hurt and insult you. You need to think about whether yours was a destructive friendship or not & is she just wanting to apologise to you because she has insulted one too many and no-one wants anything to do with her. Hope you and yours are ok.