Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Help my best mates husband tried it on

94 replies

plopers · 16/01/2003 17:07

Last weekend my dh and myself went out with my b/f and her husband, they all had a bit to drink except me (on antibiotics), we went back to their house for a drink and i went to the loo and her dh came up and locked the door and made a pass. I told him to get lost but he just kept coming until i shouted out, he released me and went downstairs. When i returned my bf was telling my dh how wonderful he is etc etc, i am torn between what to do. Help (name changed)

OP posts:

gosh2 · 18/01/2003 16:30

Well done for telling DH, there shouldnt be secrets with DH. That was very brave. Also mighty gallant of DH to go 'round there. Well done you, having such a lovely DH in the first place!

Do hope your BF is ok with you though, as she's bound to find out now.

Original poster

plopers · 18/01/2003 16:53

Came back a while ago, he took my best friends dh (dh not standing for dear hubband in this case) out, my dh calmed down first and asked him about it (hoping he said sorry it was the drink blah blah), but no he lied and turned it around and said it was all me, at which point my dh snapped (don't normally agree but in this case i will make an exception). He told me we are better off without them, and is in a mood downstairs (not with me), but she is my best friend and i do not want to lose her, and do not think that it is fair that a situation that is out of my control will end our friendship.

Should i contact my friend?, i would like to know what excuse her dh comes up with.

OP posts:

EmmaTMG · 18/01/2003 17:05

Would it be better to wait until she contacts you? You'll probably be very nervous to call her first...I would be, so if she rings first you'll know what sort of story that S* has told her. If he tells her at all that is!!
Good Luck.

Original poster

plopers · 18/01/2003 17:25

b/f just called because she didn't believe dh walked into a lampost, she said she is not daft and knows something is going on. Told her she was right and i need to talk to her but not on the phone, her dh has gone off in a mood, and is taking dd to her mums then coming round. I feel so nervous, i keep reminding myself that i have not done anything wrong. he has.

OP posts:

GeorginaA · 18/01/2003 17:31

Plopers well done! You've been tremendously brave but I'm sure you're doing the right thing. Far better to have it out in the open than letting that creep destroy everything he touches.

hug

good luck in speaking to your friend.

EmmaTMG · 18/01/2003 17:33

Try and keep calm even if she loses it. You are in the right and hopefully she will realise this because your not panic-y and agitated. You sound like you love her dearly as your friend so tell her this and that you hope she feels the same and therefore this you had to say something and why you are not making it up.
I hope it goes well. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you until we hear from you again.

lou33 · 18/01/2003 17:40

I would prepare yourself for the fact that your friend will be very hurt and angry and upset though, and even if she knows deep down there was nothing instigated by you, she may want to have a bit of a shout at you. Then she will probably go away and not contact you for a bit. She will need time to calm down and lick her wounds. It could well take time for her to come to terms with all this, but in the end if you are such good friends she will know your friendship is worth hanging onto. Good luck.

mears · 18/01/2003 18:20

Well done plopers - agree your friend will probably give you a hard time but she will probably want not to believe it. Hope it all goes OK. If she is a good friend, she will remain one.

Original poster

plopers · 18/01/2003 18:23

Well i must of played the conversation in my head and about 10 different responses, well it didn't go as planned, nor was her reaction. before i had chance to say anything, she asked in my dh hit her dh because he found out he was having an affair. Apparantly she had her suspicions for a while, and a few nights ago some women called her to tell her that she is pregnant by her dh. I told her that wasn't the reason and told her why, she apologised for her dh behaviour (of course i told her not to worry).

She said she never told me of her suspicions because she didn't want to admit to herself it was happening. She is totally deflatted as apparently this isn't the first affair either.

She has gone now to stay with her mum for a few days, and will contact me shortly. She asked me what should she do, i told her i don't know. It has all been a shock to us all.

Any advice i can give her.

OP posts:

grommit · 18/01/2003 18:52

plopers - looks like you did the right thing - your bf's husband sounds like a complete creep. Hope you and bf can still remain friends after all of this is over - I am sure you will. Good Luck

EmmaTMG · 18/01/2003 19:09

She's no doubt going to need a shoulder to cry on over the next few days so just be there for her. Whether it turns out good or bad for her she'll still have you and that will be a good comfort for her.
Personally if I found out my Dh was playing away I would leave him and make him suffer but then I'm wicked at times. She said she's suspected he's been having an affair for a while and then a woman phoned and said she was pregnant by him....well he sounds like even more of a s**t now so she probably better off without him.
Not the best advise but I hope it help all the same.

Original poster

plopers · 19/01/2003 15:14

What a difference a day makes, Had so called friend and dh banging on our door at 5 am this morning. Apparently he has fed her so much s**t, and she has fallen for it. Apparently i have been trying it on for months, sending him texts and calling his mobile. She had a right go, told me our friendship was over and stay away from her dh, I wish i was the sort of person who doesn't take ages to wake up in the morning, it was all a bit surreal, i have thought about it all days and it doesn't make sense.

My dh says she is reacting this way because she doesn't want to be on her own, and if she believes me then she has to accept her husband for what he is 'a lying cheating b***d, so this way she gets to keep face.

I am so mad, at the moment i do not care if i never see her again, but that may change.

We have several friends in common, i want them to hear my side of the story before she tells them her lies, but do not want to call because i had spreading gossip and stuff.

I am deeply hurt because i haven't done anything wrong, and 10 days ago i had a best friend, and now lost all this because of her randy husband.

Sorry to have gone on but i am MAD.

OP posts:

Tinker · 19/01/2003 16:07

Oh god, this all sounds horrible for you! Agree with your husband that she has to behave like this at the moment because the reality is too horrible to deal with. Maybe when this does all come out, as it probably will, some of your mutual friends will tell you that he's been coming on to them as well. If you found him a creep, the chances are that others have thought so as well. In my experience, the mutual friends usually just stay neutral on these matters. And, like you say, if you're not the flirty type, really, who are they going to believe? Let us know what happens.

prufrock · 19/01/2003 20:31

Plopers - try to not be mad at her. She is just as much - if not more of an innocent victim than you. She has to blame you, otherwise it's his fault. As there are other people telling her what a shit he is, she wll eventually realise it and then she will need a good friend like you to be there for her.

mollipops · 20/01/2003 03:40

Plopers, it all sounds awful. Seems your bf is in total denial. If she believes him over you after all his past deception ie affairs and more than one, then IMO she is not a very good friend. Or at least, she is a very weak and gullible woman, with no self-esteem or self-worth, to let this man walk all over her this way.

If he has had affairs before and she has taken him back, then she is the crazy one. Past behaviour is the best indicator of future behaviour, to steal a phrase from Dr Phil (Oprah). She will take him back, suck up all his crap, and he will sit back and do it to her all over again. And why wouldn't he? He is quite secure in the knowledge that she will have him back, no matter how badly he hurts her, or how many times he cheats on her.

Sorry if it means you lose one of your bfs, but it really isn't worth the grief to associate with these two. He is Trouble. And if she stays with him, then you must cut off ties with her, simple. I'm sure you couldn't stand the sight of the man anyway - nor could your dh either, I'm guessing! Good luck with what seems to be a very messy situation.

Batters · 20/01/2003 08:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tissy · 20/01/2003 08:59

Just a thought- if your mobile bill is itemised, you can prove you haven't been calling the b***d. That's unless you have been sneaky enough to get another mobile just for pestering him with of course.....

Original poster

plopers · 20/01/2003 09:44

Tissy, I think you have been watching too much Emmerdale. My mobile is pay as you go, but i would of thought if i had sent one he would of shown her.

I have thought a lot about this last night, i do not feel as though i have to prove i didn't do anything, giving his track record. The scene she made her yesterday on the door step, the horrible name calling, i have decided that our friendship has come to an end. This was even more so when a mutual friend called to say she had phoned her and tried to poison her against me saying i was a sl*g etc etc, luckily the friend stuck up for me saying that doesn't sound like lucy, he hadn't tried it on, but apparantly it is common knowledge about his many affairs, and she is no angel as well. Apparantly there is even a question mark over the real father of DD.

So i think i am better off away from all of this crap. I have plenty of other friends and really do not need this hassel, i have heard lots of things about her, have i been walking around with my eyes shut?.

OP posts:

Tissy · 20/01/2003 09:56

I never watch Emmerdale, have I been missing something?
I didn't mean to be flippant, hope it didn't come over that way. I think you have made the right decision, but if she changes her mind in the future, and wants to patch things up, don't be too hard on her.You've come out of this OK, but it sounds like she's lost everything, and may just be reacting badly to that.

Original poster

plopers · 20/01/2003 11:17

Tissy, your message didn't come across as being flippant at all, i totally agree with you.
In emmerdale someone was sending stalking texts to his girlfriend, and bought a seperate phone so she didn't know it was him, don't worry she killed him accidently though (oh why do i watch it).

OP posts:

gosh2 · 21/01/2003 21:05

plopers please tell me because I missed it, how did Rae die and who was stalking Marilyn? (or whatever her name is, she will always be Marilyn to me, remember Yabby Creek?!!)

Sorry this is aside to your probs. I still am pleased that you and DH are stuck like glue on this one.

breeze · 22/01/2003 08:34

I can answer this one for you, Ray was actually the one stalking Louise (she should of stayed with Lance in H&A), he wanted to control her, when they were miving away she phoned the stalker and left a message on his phone, and later in the car his other phone rang she heard the message and it all came out, the car crashed and loiuse got away, ray followed and they had a fight at the house which involved louise hitting him over the head with a vase, him falling down the stairs and breaking his neck..dead.

gosh2 · 22/01/2003 15:13

oh! Why did he turn out to be such a nut? Does she get to keep his lovely house?

SimonHoward · 22/01/2003 15:38

Only women could turn a discussion about someones husband trying it on into a detailed breakdown of a Soap.

Ladies I salute you.

LOL

Scatterbrain · 22/01/2003 15:38

Plopers - what's happening with you ? Hope all's well ?

Flip

1 2 3 4